Struggling with valentines day...

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I have basically only been raped and abused in relationships...never cuddled or told I was loved and special.

I am almost ready to give up tbh.

Most men who seem to be interested in me also annoy me a lot.

And the ones I am interested in usually turn out to be...not that great. And the behavior was/is weird with one. I don’t know how to describe it. I just hope it turns out to be nothing and I can move on with my life. It was bizarre tbh.

I am just going to move on if nothing else happens since they have mostly never directly responded. And I doubt they ever will.

My behavior was weird bc I was worried for this person, but tbh I think I have to stop caring because it seems they don’t. I would hope I am wrong but I probably am not. And they probably do think it’s weird even though I told them to tell me to stop if they hated my messages.

IDK if I would want a man with ASD per say bc I don’t know if I have it or something else and men with ASD to me can be very annoying.

Like I am kinda interested in drugs like Hamilton Morris is and...a lot of men (no matter the age) are hugely manipulative with drugs and wanting to “advise” on your drug use. Like, I don’t mess with the really addictive drugs except for my ADHD meds which I really watch and don’t use recreationally.

I mainly want to try some psychedelics.

Also, if anyone on this thread, if your against drug use totally then please respect that I am not and don’t try and force your views on me.

I just wish I would be happy being single. ok

Sorry to hear that you're struggling, though it's a bit unclear to me with what... are you unhappy about being single during Valentine's Day? Or does it bring up bad memories?

Damn that does sound annoying, for sure...I have had some encounters with some pretty crappy guys myself, though sounds like you may have dealt with more actual abuse from such. Most I wasn't too satisfied with either ghosted or broke it off with me before I did aside from one who did attempt to get forceful(but that wasn't a guy I was dating, it was a guy like 10 years older than me that I trusted as I friend and made the mistake of going to his apartment to watch a couple movies) So that was disappointing because then it dawned on me that he had never really been my friend and was only after other stuff. I got out safely but of course avoided him from that point forward.

As for drugs that can be difficult, like for sure you don't want to take drugs with someone you can't trust. I certainly for a time ended up doing drugs with people that turned out to be pretty crappy...so you do have to use some caution. But yeah for psychedelics it can be fun when you do it with someone you can trust, but certainly helps if you both get the same level. Lol last time me and my boyfriend tripped on acid I tripped, but he only got a bit of a high..we both just took one hit/tab or whatever. But I suggested that maybe next time whe should get him a bit more then that. So he could experience the full effect, apparently he didn't even get any visual distortions...and like well what is acid without that part?

Psychedelic mushrooms are decriminalized in the nearest city to us, but well with the pandemic and all we haven't had much opportunity to seek that out due to significantly less contact with people.

A person can trip alone, I have heard some people have had enjoyable experiences that way...but admittedly I have always been too afraid to try psychedelics alone no real reason I suppose I guess it just feels like something to do with at least one other person.

Having psychopharmacology as a “special interest” is something else for sure.

I will say that on here I never intended to talk about it, but it is a part of me.

I will say, chemistry and relationships can be hard regardless of if you are the user or whatever with drugs.

The character in my avi, Lydia from Breaking Bad...interesting. She wanted all loose ends that attached her to organized crime eliminated. That was impossible.

Obviously that is not my exact situation (I never was involved in the “business” of drugs), and this is dramatic, but the lesson to me is that I can’t eliminate your ties to something like that easily, if at all. People try to, but it’s hard and it’s impossible a lot of the time.

Also, I have a boundary that I don’t take advice from people on substances off sites like this. Period. There are people like medical professionals who if you need them know what they are doing. And other places to get advice. Please respect that.

As for valentines day...I’ll live.

I’ve spent all of them alone, and I have other things to attend to like school work today.

Any males from 2020 are...they were super annoying basically. So I am over it for the most part...if any of them want it they need to...idk reform themselves let’s say.

I was also a Walmart Associate and...I don’t have much time but never apply at that company.

They push the narrative that being in a relationship is a key to happiness and single people are missing out, but they're really not. Platonic relationships and love are just as important too!

Yes, and I am so happy you know this at 16.

People create hype about everything. And that does not actually end up well a lot of the time.

Being an asexual and hating commercialised things helped me come to that conclusion earlier than most.

It's good that you know about yourself!!

Introspection is one of the things I do the most lol.

There are certainly some friendships I wished I had kept platonic. Regretfully, I have no one to hug, but it's impossible to keep a relationship at that level. They either advance or wither on the vine. I would just call it off when it got too heavy and too far outside of my comfort zone. Usually via a TXT which is probably poor form.

With regards to drugs, I did acid once which was great while I was on it (was frolicking naked under a waterfall and doing Nestea plunges into every pool; fortunately didn't break my coccyx), but was so nauseous coming off it I never did it again. I tolerate psilocybin very well, however, with the only downsides being I won't sleep and I notice grime and dust so I have to be outside (preferably in the middle of a desert during a full moon). Wish I had some now...

Your miles may vary. Take care.

Platonic relationships are my thing, but you at 16?
Now that is different.

Om Nom hugs

That explains things.

I have often thought it would have been better if I was asexual.
Sex is such a nonsense.

Too late now.
Maybe next time around.