Culmination of a hellish year

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Since before Turkey Day 2019 I was kinda checking on a person when her hubby wasn't home. He has been my shooting buddy and occasional drinking buddy (I am not really a drinker for decades) and political soundboard. WE were about 6 points similar in that.
2020 she deteriorated in her Dementia where a home was safest but then ... Covid.
What was supposed tp be lending a hand while waiting placement became a chinese obligation. At first is was 2 hrs a day.
But became 6. My schedule from July to Feb was 6am Breakfast and prep>Helping son with school til 230 /3pm>Over to watch her, ensure she ate>then home for making dinners and checking homework>then back til he returned around 10... 4 days a week which ate my weekends (finally had full day off with a respite nurse taking a slack and him getting Sunday-TH off starting Valentine) then down to my stopping going to forums, games.. or even being online at all...
I had harder and harder time dealing with her. I was getting migraine triggers, I was tired. My son bailed and stayed home. He hates their aggressive loud GSD and began to dislike her unusual behaviors.

She was terrifying since even while with her , if you are doing dishes or minimal other maintain of house and dog, she could wander.. or suddenly climb up on chairs or table or wander away (until we locked all the gates).
She became clingy and weepy often. And hallucinations....
It was break point. I gave ultimatum of this summer regardless. No pay, no sleep, and not available enough to my son since he rarely agreed to come with..

We were not close friends, only did beadwork now and then, walked no and then and had coffee together every 3 weeks or so. I was sooo tired of her. And I wonder if that is inhumane because of my slight disconnection from being on spectrum, specially since a lot of regression from my childhood "cure" a few years ago.
But I am released in a somewhat terrible way. My buddy died literally of overwork.
Crappy neighbor that used to hang with his wife before he trained dog to keep her out didn't come get me to handle the dog til paramedics already had waited 30 minutes. You can guess the outcome of reaching him so late.
I had to stay with her 2 days with no sleep for 28 hours while waiting for her family.
No dignity in this era for bodies. And an undignified death.. just makes Elvis style the hi grade. His family were panicked and useless before arriving, so me and a local arranged his ... 'disposal' after son greenlighted transport and cremation. cheapest I could find. His poor wife had been unable to go in the bathroom or her bedroom from 7 am til 5:30.
Insult to unpaid injury and loss of my friend is once the womans daughter's arrived. I was subtly accused of theivery and not so subtle his mistress. FU! Give me back my 2020 you ungrateful fat sows! They also ended up stealing my compressor and my shotgun that was in his lock room (we were going to the range next day and he was prepping it for me that evening ). I am still kinda angry and that was a week ago.

I still don't know what I feel on his death. I have been numbed since my mother died to point I dont blink as long as it is not my kids. I am not emotionless... but too tired to cry over anything. I have big empty place since they were the ONLY people I would associate with local. I hate 98% the denizens of this slummy trailer park I am biding time in

2020 sucked for various reasons. Covid. 3 month wildfire. My fiancee of 9 years called it quits. Online school (not to be confused with homeschool) making me have to 'attend' 8-3 same as my son. The babysitting which meant I had no whole day to rest or do errands. My house looks like it was tumbled in a dryer except the kitchen. I missed an appointment in last phase of my SSI approval and have to start over.

2021 is not doin so hot so far. I got a notice over the scrap lumber and household furniture and boxes. There are no boxes except one left by my gate until I went out. No furniture except the Coleman Glider and flower shelf? And I am buying the lumber each month to repair where wind ripped my deck half off. : c

I cant even tell if my inability to adjust and handle all this is my autism or if things are unusual.

My son has new service dog candidate ( I do not see her failing school). It is a miniAugi. A very clever, interactive and sturdy little dog. He is actually very pleased with her and I like her. About the only really positive thing to come up in the last 16 months.

So decompressing... hope I don't get the bends. Lonely but I can't tolerate even thought of getting tangled in some other shitfest. If they are not real friends I can just pass. I don't need any more fickleness, millstones, chinese obligations, hidden motives or toxic results from humans around me. Me and my son will just stabilize and live our dull , comfortable and modest lives!

Whew! I dont feel like Im on edge of an aneurysm now...

Om Nom hugs