Emotional Support

Post Reply New Topic

Do you get anything from emotional support or do you find that it can actually make things worse?

Ie you are lonely because you need a partner/mate/boyfriend and instead of helping you find someone to be with people simply pity you and expect you to hate yourself for being single.

This isn't even a matter of relationships not working out, its more a case of never meeting anyone in the first place, unless it is a man whom just wants to use you for sex but gives you the impression it could be more.

Personally I find it highly frustrating as after being single now for nearly 8 years and not even having had one date, I don't really care much for all the useless platitudes when it does not help me find what I need.

I don't really want friendships in its place as I feel these would be a substitute and a poor one at that as it does not meet my emotional needs. I want someone to enjoy spending time with and someone whom I can be loving with, not someone whom keeps giving me emotional woo woos all the time.

I am not a neurotypical female, don't think like a neurotypical female and don't have emotions that work in the same way as a neurotypical female. This endless need they have for self pity or the need to keep pitying others is P***ing me the heck off. It just makes me feel angry as self pity is not a solution when it comes to wanting to find a mate and how to stop men from using me for sex when I want something a little deeper and more meaningful.

If I just wanted sex and no substance I would go to anne summers.

I do not for the life of me understand one little bit how they think emotional supoport changes anything?

Plus when I am upset I would rather have my special interests and hobbies as these calm me more than someone telling me not to hate myself when I don't see why I should hate myself because I have not found anyone yet. I have had relationships and they did love me but they did not work out, there was too much incompatibility. I always have to give up my independence and special interests to be with them and after a while I get upset over this and leave them as i cannot be my true self around them.

I want someone whom accepts me for my true self.

I have a limited social circle as I live in a rural area and don't know how to meet anyone other than dating sites but those have worked out badly as they all seem to be men looking for a hook up. If I flirt with them they think I am a hooker that is up for it, if I don't they are simply not interested. All they do is send me rude pictures.

I am tired of the black and white nature of this world, the world we are living in is a world of extremes. All or nothing thinking left right and centre and no rationality to be found anywhere.

You can't do anything now without someone wanting you to hate yourself for something unrealistic.

I prefer to think that have just not met the right one yet whereas they world wants me think of myself as worthless because I don't have anyone and find a group of girly friends so I can cry on their shoulder about it.

I don't cope well with too many friendships and have not had or sought girlfriends since my early 20's/late teens and even then it was just people to hang around and go clubbing with. It was all to try and fit in socially but i stopped actually wanting that years ago as I was not free to be myself as a result.

I don't want to have to change everything I am just to be popular socially. I am not interested in social popularity, I just want a nice boyfriend as that is all i need.

Hi earthbound alien - I’m not one to ever seek out emotional support. I’ve relied in myself for that since I was a child and lost my mother young. Likewise, I’ve never felt “loneliness” ... I hear it’s painful for many. If I need something, I find and take it. Simple. I don’t know any other way.

I hope you find what you’re looking for, truly do.

People ... relationships find me ... I have no desire to seek them out. They just seem to “happen”. I think that feeling positive toward others in general and having a sense of humour really seems to help.

Sense of humour can go on for miles , but would like the occasional emotional support but as in support not sex,
They don’t always fit in the same sentence I feel . Most often .

I suppose it depends on what your problem is.

If you are feeling sexually frustrated then sex might actually be the best solution just as eating is the best thing to do when you are ravenously hungry. Afterall no amount of emotional support will solve starvation and to simply give a starving man emotional support when what they really need is food is creul.

As I am not an egoist and can't stand our societies present belief system based around polarised black and white thinking that individuals are either worthy or worthless and that they should experience extreme self love/admiration vs extreme self hatred (instead of a balanced realistic view) I do not really understand the need for emotional support given that most emotional support is designed for that either/or way of thinking and that way of thinking alone.

Have not got a partner? They tell you not to hate yourself or to not feel worthless. Why would I feel worthless because I don't have a mate in life? I am lonely for someone I am compatible with, loneliness is not the same as self hatred and worthlessness and someone giving me a hug does not help me find what I need.

I hate that this society expects women to feel worthless because they still have not found a suitable mate. This is a social attitude that needs addressing and abolishing before it goes any further and harms any more people.

Emotional support is not a suitable replacement for lack of companionship (not just sex), for a loving stable relationship with a compatible person. It does not ease my frustration and merely makes me feel angry as if the universe is taking the p*ss out of me. I have not had much luck with finding a mate and I don't care to spend my life sitting around and whinning over it, I only care to focus my energies on finding someone I can enjoy being with. These endless pity parties drive me mad as that is all people seem to want me to do...sit around pitying myself instead of continuing my search for what I actually need (not just sex, sex on its own is empty, however, a sexless relationship is just a friendship and I am lonley for romantic love/a mate/a partner, not a friend, they are different types of connections and you can't substitute one for another).

Sex is a part of a loving relationship and in terms of finding a mate they go together. I cannot bond with a romantic mate without their being some kind of physical/sexual contact. However I will admit that as my relationships have always been one sided (either I loved them but they didn't love me or vice versa) I would love to find someone to make love with (this is different from just having sex) as I have never experienced such a thing before. I must share an emotional bond with the person for this to happen. I need something mutual.

I am getting more and more frustrated as if i cannot find the mate my heart yearns for (not my ego, love has nothing to do with ego whatsoever) i do not want the emotional support, id rather just accept being alone, move on and focus my life energies on something more positive. Giving me emotional support because I am lonely is the same as the universe mocking me and rubbing my face in it.

Humans are wired up to seek a mate regardless of whether or not they are neurotypical.

I am also sick of it being about a need to be loved to be worthy...WTF? am I in a mills and boon novel or something with heaving bossoms where the man stands glaring at me with admiring eyes? If a man did that to me I'd wonder what the heck he was gorping at or what the hell he had taken...it's weird and means nothing to me. I'd rather they nipped to the chinky to get some dinner instead! I really don't like people staring at me, especially when I don't know what they are staring at or why.

I can't always read men. I once asked my mum when I was about 17 'how do you know if a man finds you attractive?'

Her: 'You just know'
Me: 'Yes, but how do you know?'
Her: 'You just know'
Me: 'yes but how?'
Her: 'oh I don't know, you read their body language!'

So I went out and read a body language book and to this day I am still none the wiser unless they ram their hands directly down my panties to tell me. By this point they think I am up for just a shag and I think I might just have a boyfriend.

Ummmmm......

The result is I end up being used for sex because I can't properly read their intentions, especially with people I don't know well and even then I can only read certain mannerisms and the rest still evade me. I end up confused all the time and it makes meeting people difficult, it always has, even with friends and even as a child. I am fed up with being socially confused all the time, I can't read people properly and they refuse to be honest and open with me. They seem to think I can mind read. I get used a lot and rather than emotional support i'd rather have some training in being able to read peoples intentions properly instead. Or some advice of some kind on how to tell if they are being honest with you. You cannot trust their word as humans will often lie to you.

Emotional support is negative, does not fit purpose and usually involves too much self pity instead of decisive action. Pity is negative.

I hate the present belief system our society has adopted...it is negative, irrational, unbalanced and almost insane and I personally feel it needs to be deconstructed and replaced with something less narcissistic.

Om Nom hugs