Being disliked is too much for me

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Marknis
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18 Mar 2021, 3:03 pm

I really don’t enjoy it when people tell me they dislike me or say things that make me feel like they dislike me. It hurts my already low self-esteem and makes me wonder if anyone truly likes me or why do some say they like me but others don’t? Are the ones who like me wrong to do so and the ones who don’t are correct?



funeralxempire
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18 Mar 2021, 3:20 pm

Marknis wrote:
Are the ones who like me wrong to do so and the ones who don’t are correct?


Maybe they're both correct because everyone sees you from a slightly different perspective. Further, sometimes you'll win people over. I recall you and I didn't get off on the right foot but over time I've come to appreciate you and care about your well-being.

There's certainly people who dislike me, I know I have personality flaws and can be prone to conflict. People who dislike me are entitled to feel that way because ultimately their opinions are just their opinions.



Joe90
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18 Mar 2021, 4:44 pm

I'm rather likeable and I get hurt if people don't like me, unless I have had some sort of conflict with them. But when someone just doesn't seem to like me even though I've always been nice to them, I start doubting myself. Some people dislike me because I don't like something they like (for example, a person who likes drinking not liking me just because I don't drink). I find that rather shallow. I try to like everyone, regardless of their interests, unless they are mean to me.


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18 Mar 2021, 4:49 pm

Marknis wrote:
I really don’t enjoy it when people tell me they dislike me or say things that make me feel like they dislike me. It hurts my already low self-esteem and makes me wonder if anyone truly likes me or why do some say they like me but others don’t? Are the ones who like me wrong to do so and the ones who don’t are correct?

There's a lot of black-and-white (a/k/a all-or-nothing) thinking in this paragraph. What's more probable than all-liking or all-disliking you, is that most people could assign you a score on a continuum, from -100 (totally dislike) to +100 (totally like). Further than that, you want to know which camp is right or wrong.

These cognitive distortions only torture and hurt you. Try to think of your interactions as "won a point!" (when you tell a joke or story that goes over well) or "lost a point/can't win 'em all!" (when an interaction isn't what you hoped).

I don't totally like you or totally dislike you. Would it hurt your feelings if mostly, I'm neutral?

Or does my opinion simply not matter?


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kraftiekortie
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18 Mar 2021, 5:18 pm

I don't feel like you're disliked on WrongPlanet.

In fact, you're pretty well liked.

You've really improved your presentation over the past couple of months.



armandreyes
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18 Mar 2021, 6:33 pm

me too



CockneyRebel
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18 Mar 2021, 8:50 pm

I like you a lot and if people don'i like you, they're missing out on a lot.


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Marknis
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19 Mar 2021, 7:48 am

Joe90 wrote:
I'm rather likeable and I get hurt if people don't like me, unless I have had some sort of conflict with them. But when someone just doesn't seem to like me even though I've always been nice to them, I start doubting myself. Some people dislike me because I don't like something they like (for example, a person who likes drinking not liking me just because I don't drink). I find that rather shallow. I try to like everyone, regardless of their interests, unless they are mean to me.


I don’t drink either except for the occasional wine for certain meals. One of the last times was when my favorite Indian restaurant was still around. However, the drink of choice for people in my area tends to be beer and usually cheap gas station beer that’s been over chilled to the point it has the flavor of urine. If it has any flavor that isn’t like that, it’s considered “weak” since the goal for these people is to get “hammered” right off the bat. The smell of vomit and urine is also common at the places they go to.



KT67
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19 Mar 2021, 7:56 am

I feel like everyone dislikes me except maybe a few ppl on here and my own family.

It makes me feel like I am wrong as an entire person.

People on twitter will ignore everything I post except retweets.

People irl who meet me treat me as a child.

Even if they don't meet me like this rude b***h on the path yesterday told me to get out of the way rather than navigating around me.

How I deal with it is defensiveness and putting up guards.

Better than what I used to do which is trying to fit what they like.

If I am not wrong then they are. As entire people. Which is why it's easier when a Hun or a chav or some other kind of idiot is having a go at me and harder when it's someone I actually admire.


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Marknis
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19 Mar 2021, 8:36 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I don't feel like you're disliked on WrongPlanet.

In fact, you're pretty well liked.

You've really improved your presentation over the past couple of months.


I just really wish I could one day post that I got a girlfriend and I was hoping the speed dating event would happen but it got pushed back to summer. I don’t know what I’ll do until then.



kraftiekortie
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19 Mar 2021, 8:40 am

Keep making yourself "likeable."

Hang out with us. Have fun with us. Don't get upset if people sometimes like to joke around. Listen to other people when they talk about their problems; you don't have to come up with a solution. Just listen.

Talk about your drawings, post your drawings, talk about other creative things.



Joe90
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19 Mar 2021, 8:57 am

Sometimes joking in a serious thread isn't always appropriate, unless the OP has responded positively or whatever. A few years back I kept getting a weird glitch where whenever I submitted a post I noticed some letters were missing, but the missing letters were in the text when I went back to edit. I got confused as well as frustrated, so I started a thread asking others if they knew what it might be or how I could resolve it. But one poster deliberately missed letters in their response, and when I didn't think it was funny everyone was like "have a sense of humour!" But I just wasn't in the mood for jokes, I wanted my situation answered or at least understood. I'm quite a perfectionist when I post so it was really frustrating for me. If I had found a way to resolve the situation and had posted it, then I might have laughed at their joke.


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HeroOfHyrule
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19 Mar 2021, 5:17 pm

It's hard for me to deal with people disliking me, too. I've learned to just ignore those people, but it can be hard.

I think like funeralxempire said everyone has their own opinion of someone, and no ones opinion of someone is necessarily "right" or "wrong". People just have their own preferences for friends and for interacting with people in general. It definitely can suck though if it seems like you don't fit into a lot of people's preferences, which a lot of autistic people seem to experience.



Marknis
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19 Mar 2021, 5:28 pm

Thank you to the mod who scrubbed this thread of the posts attacking me personally and making up lies while playing the victim as well. I feel vindicated and it’s good to know that I have people in my corner.



Danusaurus
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19 Mar 2021, 6:17 pm

Story of my life. I know how you feel and can sympathize with you. Though sometimes I think it might be me pushing others away so I can be hurt or hurt them back. I often say to myself if I don't like me then why would other people. So they'll just lie to me.



magz
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20 Mar 2021, 12:57 pm

 ! magz wrote:
The topic has been moved to The Haven and The Haven rules start to apply to it.


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