Living is painful

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I sometimes feel like this and once I almost wanted to end it all, just out of depression. But I realized in general belief, we only have one life and there's no certain truth we ever get another chance.

We're all here for a positive purpose. Please don't think of dark decisions, you are a good person in life, and if you want, you can stand up and tell yourself everyday, "I'm here for a reason and I'm going to show it!"

Don't think of revenge, you must understand there are different people in this world and trust me, please trust me: You will find friends. Go check group therapy circles, as those have helped old friends of mine before, or activity clubs and just put on a smile and say hello.

If you still feel down, talk to a relative or even someone like a therapist. They are there to help you and point you in a positive direction.

You mustn't feel bad because this is the age where people are going through many problems of their own. Never say never.

Brittany,

You always post the saddest notes! I wish I had words to cheer you up. The isolation we experience does make life very difficult. I'm always trying not to sink into my own subjective thoughts and saddness; I'm always trying not to reject the world. People get me down. But even when I feel like I can't go on, I resolve that I must go on...I refuse to be defeated by evil little Hitlers!

I hope you feel better. I try to turn saddness around into grit and determination to live on, and find some compassion for others. It's our incredible compassion and understanding for the underdog and the outsider that sets aspies above and beyond the commonplace. You will find others who share the essence of your unique vision and spirit.

My best friend --who has never left me or used me and has been unspeakably good to me over the years -- gave me this poem as a reference to life me up. It's become one of my favorites. I hope these words help. Take care.


Desiderata by Max Ehrman

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrman



(c) Max Ehrman 1926

I've felt that way for many years. I've found it very rough, until I've recently made some real friends. The people at my old job were using me. My Grade School "friend" was using me for food. It was sheer hell. I hope that you find some true friends, very soon.