I Need help.

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I feel like I'm drowning. I don't know what to do. I'm 22, I have Asperger's Syndrome, ADHD, and a whole boatload of other issues I won't go into. I need help. I don't knw what I'm doing and I need a therapist. I'm in NY and I need help. IM on my own and i cant figure out how to do get better. I'm constantly isolated. My ex says that I gaslight her and I'm abusive. I don't know what to do. I don't do anything abusive (In my mind. In reality my actions unintentionally are probably abusive.). I really try not to raise my voice but when I get that fight or flight and it feels like she's yelling at me I thing my voice raises. I'm sure the gaslighting feeling is real I just am not doing it intentionally and I don't know what to do to stop it. My ex is still around to take care of me and I love her. I want to be with her. I also interrupt people, try to finish their sentences. Blurt out stuff. She doesn't feel heard. No one ever does around me. I drain everyone around me and I'm so tired. This isn't just with her too. I do it with everyone. I need to stop this behavior. It drives people away and I hate myself. I want to die. I don't want to be broken anymore and I cant figure out how to fix myself. Its like I can't control my mouth.

PS If it's in the wrong section mods you can move the post or whatever. Thanks and sorry in advance.

Can you give some examples of the "gaslighting"? I sense she might be misinterpreting you.

I talk too loud and I can't control it - I figured out it's because I hear my environment too loud and instinctively adjust my voice to my magnified hearing. I talk softer when wearing earplugs.

Interrupting or finishing sentences for other people can be annoying but it's not a crime nor a reason not to have friends.

One of the thing I had hard time to learn but it was crucial to my healing was learning that other people can be wrong, too. You are not the broken one with all others being flawless. No way.

Sorry to just reply to part of your reply but I'm kinda doing this in the middle of something. wanted to get this out so you could respond. An example would be yesterday's fight, She went into my room, yelled at me for not doing my s**t and cleaning up after myself and I told her I literally made a mental thought to clean it up this morning. I just wanted to be able to eat breakfast first. I essentially was telling her she's yelling about nothing, overreacting because she's yelling at me for something I was going to do in 10 minutes, LITERALLY. A little backstory, we are in Florida for vacation for a month in a resort room and I have to run the laundry machine. She said we would run it everyday if we had to... I didn't take that as literally lets do laundry everyday. it had been 3 days.... 3 day laundry pile... like I just didn't see it as a big enough deal to be yelling... Is that really gaslighting when some of her reactions are PSYCHO (imo).

@magz, everything you said is fair. I've never actually use that language with her as I know that would cause more problems but it doesn't stop from feeling like some of these fights are over things that seem to be blown up in proportion. Also at the most inappropriate times. Like I don't want to talk about how the s**t someone is doing on the tv is like what I do. I feel like I'm left thinking wtf is wrong with you... we were watching something and you had to separate fight where if I don't hold my tongue it makes it 10x worse. She also says I can't take back what I said and that she can't forgive me for some of the things I've said. She said I blamed her for being sexually assaulted... I didn't want to go drinking, she pressured me to go out, I got wasted, we had a fight and she abandoned me, some predator saw me, scooped me up and assaulted me... how is that not??? I would have NEVER gone drinking... I would have stayed my ass home and smoked my weed... Am i just being too closeminded and cold hearted?

Well, safety of drinking is a big topic that my parents started to theoretically introduce me to when I was 11, after they heard some bad stories about my former classmates.

The only person to blame for the abuse is the abuser. However, you can both learn how to prevent such situations in the future.

Maybe you just don't fit each other. Communication is the foundation of a working relationship. You either both work on it hard or try another chances.