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KaleidoscopicMagpie
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Joined: 3 Oct 2021
Age: 35
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24 Oct 2021, 6:26 pm

Do other people have great big sadness and enormous loneliness?

I think intense emotion is an autistic thing.

I think trying to keep my intense emotions a secret is an autistic thing.

I think it's slowly killing me.

It all leaks out the sides when I'm alone.

And when it happens, I'm just like a toddler. Wailing and screaming and no control because the feelings are just too big.

It makes me want to cut my arms. But I haven't done that for such a very long time.

But being unlovable... I don't know about that one. Is that an autistic thing? Is it being unlovable, or believing myself to be unlovable, that makes trying to find someone to love so terrifying?

Is that why I eat too much? Is it to keep people away, or to give myself a reason for being unlovable?

Does anyone else have these thoughts? I would very much like to feel less alone. Just admitting that I am lonely is oh so very painful and shameful.


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Officially diagnosed with ASD Oct. 2013
Interests: Sherlock Holmes, Harry Potter, Arthur, education, names, geography, detective fiction, animals, especially dogs.


HeroOfHyrule
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24 Oct 2021, 6:37 pm

I often feel intensely lonely, and I don't always react that great to it, especially when I'm by myself. I also try to not show other people I'm feeling that way, but I do vent online about it sometimes. I'm sorry that you're feeling this way since I know how badly it sucks. :(



KaleidoscopicMagpie
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Joined: 3 Oct 2021
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 55
Location: UK

24 Oct 2021, 6:39 pm

Thank you. Although I would never want anyone else to feel this way, it is kind of nice to know I'm not the only one.


_________________
Officially diagnosed with ASD Oct. 2013
Interests: Sherlock Holmes, Harry Potter, Arthur, education, names, geography, detective fiction, animals, especially dogs.


Mountain Goat
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24 Oct 2021, 7:01 pm

Something I want to tell you, that you are not unlovable. You are loved. Ok?