Do other people have great big sadness and enormous loneliness?
I think intense emotion is an autistic thing.
I think trying to keep my intense emotions a secret is an autistic thing.
I think it's slowly killing me.
It all leaks out the sides when I'm alone.
And when it happens, I'm just like a toddler. Wailing and screaming and no control because the feelings are just too big.
It makes me want to cut my arms. But I haven't done that for such a very long time.
But being unlovable... I don't know about that one. Is that an autistic thing? Is it being unlovable, or believing myself to be unlovable, that makes trying to find someone to love so terrifying?
Is that why I eat too much? Is it to keep people away, or to give myself a reason for being unlovable?
Does anyone else have these thoughts? I would very much like to feel less alone. Just admitting that I am lonely is oh so very painful and shameful.
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Officially diagnosed with ASD Oct. 2013
Interests: Sherlock Holmes, Harry Potter, Arthur, education, names, geography, detective fiction, animals, especially dogs.