Wasn't too sure where to post this here, or in the " Love & Dating " section ugh...
Today I received a phone call after dealing with bad anxiety with my SSI review today ( Everything went well, I always get nervous when the SSI redetermination comes up ) After having a good review, I went on my laptop to blast some music ( earbuds ) to zone out. A few minutes in my phone starts to ring from a area code I know immediately where it's from, the 3 digits after it seemed way too familiar. I had a bad feeling...
I didn't pick up, ( I usually don't answer out of state phone calls that are not listed on my phone ) I told myself if it's a emergency or something extremely dire, they'll leave a voicemail. . . They did
Before I checked, I already knew who it was because I saved the number on my phone, logged onto Whatsapp and went to update the contact list to see if the number attached would pop up a contact. Yup, it was my ex ( not really because we weren't in a relationship, but in the beginning phases )
I knew it had to been something up, He reached out to me last year on Whatasapp to give me his friend " Lisa " my number, Lisa was a friend of his I met when I went to go visit him. We had a instant connection, you ever met someone where you first look at them and it's like oh hell I know we're going to be the best of friends, one of those folks you can look at them and you already know what their thinking without them saying it.
Lisa & I remained really good friends after me and her friend Daniel didn't work out. I lost contact with Lisa & been trying to get in contact with her over the past year ( Something was always wrong with her phone & had to get a new number ) Daniel left a voicemail saying she passed away. Ugh it took me about 30 mins to process it and I'm still trying to. I only decided to call back because he introduced me to Lisa, and that's how we became friends, same with his mom. If something was to happen, I'm not sure if he would call but I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to let me know ( but hopefully that won't happen anytime soon, 100 years from now )
He sounded terrible on the phone, Lisa, and his mom were the only ones that knew alot about me and loved me like crazy. While I was there a few years ago me & Daniel had a falling out. Long story short, he was still emotionally not over a abusive relationship ( Even though he said he was, his actions spoke otherwise ) Things kept appearing to me that I needed to leave him alone because his ex was drugged out / violent type that would show up to the apartment unannounced to start a physical fight. ( Not with me, never seen him ). Daniel would never call the cops, after telling him when someone has already been to jail plenty of times, physical altercations, & have nothing to lose. That can be a death sentence.
I removed myself from the situation, because it was too much. One minute he would be fine, next it's the " You're a really nice person but I don't know how to deal with someone being nice to me ". So I said F it lol
I was drained, that's where Lisa reached out to me because she thought I was still in the area. I told her no, and that if I was to visit that city again. I would get my own hotel, and we can hang. I don't know too many folks on a personal level and I'm not too keen at staying people's houses. I like my own space.
Lisa would talk on the phone for 10 hours every other day until she got sick. She really helped me out with dealing with this so call dating experience with Daniel. When I first met her, she instantly reminded me of a family member that passed away years ago. My cousin Helen who was much older than me, met me for the first time at a family reunion and gazed by all of my facial piercings lol. ( I have alot ). We connected instantly, I used to visit her in Philly alot back in the early 2010's. Helen had either a heart attack or a aneurysm & died instantly after getting up from bed to get her day started.
So when I got the news that Lisa passed, it felt like I lost Helen again. I told Lisa she reminded me so much of her. Looked exactly like her, mannerisms, everything. Such a wonderful person ! !! !! I was trying to get in contact with her because I wanted to see how she was but could never get through.
( Now here goes to phone call to Daniel )
He sounded shocked that I called back, the first thing I told him was that I was shocked and truly shocked over Lisa, and asked him how he was holding up. He told me she passed last month and that he tried letting me know last month but couldn't find my number so he had to go on his old phone to find it. I told him I was glad he notified me because I was wondering if she was ok because I haven't been able to reach her.
He discussed what happened to her. Not sure, but it sounds like the same was my cousin passed ( Maybe a heart attack ) ugh. We talked about Lisa for about 10 mins. I then asked how was his mom doing. He informed me she's doing alot better after a major health set back. He was telling me how things are getting better for him physically ( he has some health issues )
I was joking with him to help cheer up his spirits because I can tell he was very shaken up about this. Lisa was his best friend, they've known each other for many years. There was a few awkward moments of silence because I guess we really didn't know what to say each other after falling out with each other a few years ago. He mentioned I sounded really great. I told him I'm taking each day as it goes by
Few mins later as I was cracking a joke about the time how he felt after leaving physical therapy, he started talking about our intimate encounters. ( I was thinking to myself .............. see why did he have to go there, but I didn't take it to heart and switched the subject in a way to where he couldn't pick up I wasn't trying to talk about that. )
So then he tells me about all these other people he's been dealing with, I was laughing in a unphased way because I know he was trying to see how I would feel about it ( which is nothing, it's been 2 years so of course folks are going to live their life ) & how depressed he was, and friends he lost overtime that betrayed him, life etc. I didn't mind being a listening ear because I knew the pain he was dealing with the lost of his friend.
After a few more moments of silences I went to the kitchen and started moving stuff around & told him I really appreciated him telling me about Lisa ( He knew how much I loved her ) & to tell his mom I said hello, and I hope she's doing well, and then told him that I hope everything your way gets better and to hang in there & that I needed to get myself ready to hit the gym ( I'm not going anywhere, I'm at home lol. I just needed a reason for to get off the phone to avoid any " I miss you " & " Let's talk again " kinda stuff ) he sounded a bit shocked when I told him I needed to get myself ready for the day. He then said thanks, and for me to have a good day too. That was it.
( Last year, when I blocked his number from my old phone, he reached out to me on Whatsapp to let me know of Lisa's new number, When I thanked him, and kept the convo short , asking about his mom, Lisa. He then started telling me how he's hasn't dealt with anyone after me, love life, hook up life. I did the same thing and acted like I needed to do something just to be like peace out, thanks for the info )
Ugh, as I'm writing this I'm starting to feel horrible because she was a really good person I had a instant connection with. She was still very young ( early 30's ) I don't really have too many friends that I talk to on the phone like that. I think maybe she was the only one. This is going to hit me later. I left a voicemail to my case manager who works with my therapist / psychiatrist & to get myself back into therapy after taking a break from it since June of this year.
As much as I love the Fall / Autumn time. October has not been a good month for many years after losing more than a few family members in the same month, just years apart by almost the same day.
04 Nov 2021, 4:17 pm
