Life

Post Reply New Topic

I hate living alone & I hate my life. I want to stay in bed & stay there until it’s time for me to die, I feel safer in bed & get less pain. I cannot do this anymore. I feel alone with no help, everything can be tooo overwhelming & scary. I feel sooo stupid too, I don’t even know how much money it takes when you turn on a light, I don’t know how to take care of a refrigerator & water heater, & other stuff you need to know when living on own, see I’m sooo stupid. I feel like I did when I was living with my mom, I depended on her soooo much, I wish she was alive to see her VERY STUPID daughter. How I suppose to do something if I don’t know how to do it? I hate being so scared & soooo overwhelmed. Maybe I am more mentally challenge. Life is sooooo hard, makes me want to die.

You only get large electric bills if you use an air-conditioner, or make constant use of something like stereo equipment. Or lots of outdoor lights and such.

Using tablets and smartphones and such, and watching lots of TV, doesn’t increase the electric bill much.

I often feel the same as you do except my parents are still alive. Who knows what i will do when they die.

I feel like this a lot too. Being alone is awful. It's overwhelming. I miss my mom and grandparents, they were the best part of me. Life is super hard. I don't know what I'm doing either. But I do hope you feel better. There are people who care in the world. Feel better Kitty.
P.S. Do you like cats? I do. (I have seven.) Sometimes they're all that gets me through the day.

You’re with us, Kitty.

I wish you could go out for a walk.

Earlier I had a meltdown, it started when I was talking to a friend that lives near my town, she used to live in my town, she physically helped me out, she & her husband came to my apartment to set up my cat tree, it was a birthday present for my cat, she have two cats. Anyway, I asked her about people going out & working, then I felt bad that I’m stuck in my apartment. I sooooo hate being stuck in my apartment. I bored, I hate doing the same thing everyday, I hate that I have no help in helping me in life, like cleaning my apartment, taking out my trash, help me take care of my cat, help in taking her to the vet for her physical exam or check up, whatever they call it for cats, I’m having a hard time getting the money anyway, the vet I was taking her for 6 years, they wasn’t too expensive like other vets, but they moved, I think it’s more money now. I don’t have the money to pay someone to clean my apartment. Everything is soooo overwhelming & I feel like I can’t breathe. When I get all worked up & sooo overwhelmed & everything is coming too fast, I cannot do it, I feel so overload, I can’t think, I feel trapped, I REALLY FEEL like a little girl in an adult body. My cat was meowing cuz she was hungry for her can food, I wish she ate her dry food that was in the kitchen, it always out for her. She kept on meowing, I know it wrong but I felt like hitting her, I didn’t. Last year I wanted to throw her out of the apartment, but I know better, there are tons of coyotes out there, she probably would not survive, coyotes can climb up places, now I feel like a very bad mom. I fed her her can food, she is in my bedroom on my bed, she loves laying on my comforter when the season change. I was at a breaking point. I’m calm & relaxed now, I feel like an adult again. I used to have a journal, I take it with me on vacations too & plenty of Bryan Adams music.

I know how you feel! Life can feel very overwhelming sometimes. Everything piled up on top of me and no way to get out.

It sounds like you are beginning to feel better which is good. Maybe time for some gentle self care.

I try to remind myself that I can only do one thing at a time. If I just manage to do one thing in a day, then I've achieved something and I can feel better about myself. Even if it's just the dishes. I try to remember to praise myself for the small things. That makes it easier somehow.