Some PTSD people are exhausting to communicate with

Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,280
Location: Pacific Northwest

20 Dec 2021, 5:18 pm

I saw a post on reddit about a mom who locked her partner out of their hotel room and left her stranded all because she yelled at their 14 year old foster kid for accidentally locking her out of the hotel room. Pretty much everyone agreed that was an over reaction from the OP about how she reacted about the yelling.

I mentioned that swore to god that people on Reddit act like yelling is the worst thing that can ever happen (referring to the OPs reaction about yelling at their kid) and it's not like the kid is being beaten and stuff and while I do remember how upsetting it was to be yelled at when I was a kid, I realize now as an adult it was not that bad because nothing happened after that. Plus when parents yell at their kids all the time, they just become immune to it and they don't react to it and just carry on like nothing happened and the parents are just crying wolf when they yell all the time because then their kid never knows when they are actually in trouble and when they had actually done nothing wrong. I also mentioned I think the OP was more mad about she had to deal with the inconvenience of their kid locking herself in the bathroom than waiting for her to calm down till she is ready to come out and then they talk and the partner apologizes for losing her temper with her. I also mentioned I am sure the kid was on auto pilot and locked the door behind her and I am sure we have all been locked out at some point but it's not a big deal. I also mentioned I was sure more was done to the child than just being yelled at because it triggered a trigger response in her when she got yelled at and it reminds me when my parents adopted a dog that was abused and she would cower or pee and run off whenever we raised our voices because her previous owner would beat her so yelling would make our dog think she was about to be beaten and it took us a while to earn her trust to a point she stop reacting to our raised voices. Same happens with PTSD in people too when they had been abused after being yelled at so it's going to take them a while to unlearn it and to control their reactions to their triggers through therapy.

Somehow this triggered a response in someone with PTSD and while they did mention their mom did more than just yelling, they claimed I was downplaying abuse. I was confused by their response and asked where was I downplaying it and they said me saying yelling alone isn't abuse and claimed I was downplaying it and I said responded to them with something like "by your logic I was abused then as a kid but to be fair, anything can be abuse. Taking away privileges, making your kid do chores, punishing them for getting bad grades, and of course yelling at them. It all depends on context and it's not black and white and stop projecting your childhood onto mine. I am sorry you were abused for real." Then I blocked them because I have no time for someone to take my post out of context and do projections because they can't seem to understand their childhood wasn't normal and mine was so my experience with yelling is different than how they experienced theirs and be so offended with my childhood.

And this person also seemed to think "kids becoming immune to yelling"=/= "okay to scream at your kids all the time, normal thing to do."

No this should mean you shouldn't be yelling at your kids all the time or they stop listening and taking you seriously when you yell. I am sure this is how a regular person who wasn't abused would interpret this sentence I wrote. Because this is exactly how I would have interpreted it if someone wrote it because I grew up in a normal functional home.

I'm just so sick of people with trauma making everything be so black and white with parents; yelling, abuse. Taking away privileges, abuse. Grounding your kids, abuse. Yes I have actually seen someone online try to say that giving your kids chores is abuse. That person was annoying but luckily they don't post online anymore and they stopped being annoying when they stopped getting into arguments with people online about raising kids. I can understand how trauma can cloud your judgement and it's human to project your personal experience onto other peoples stories but damn it, I wish they would understand their childhood wasn't normal so they shouldn't be judging other people about their childhoods who didn't have an abusive childhood. All they do is create drama and twist things and twist your words and then try to imply you were abused as well and it becomes toxic. It's come to a point where I block them now and not interact with them. I don't hate them or dislike them, I just don't want to interact with them. But I am thankful at least this person didn't attack me and they were polite with their responses. I did say if someone is calling you names and belitting you while being yelled at, then yes this is abuse but this can still be done without yelling and this would still be abuse and you don't need to yell to be abusive. But they still interpreted it as me downplaying abuse so I told them to stop projecting their childhood onto mine and I am sorry they were actually abused.


_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.


lostonearth35
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jan 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,940
Location: Lost on Earth, waddya think?

20 Dec 2021, 5:58 pm

You can't say anything without triggering someone, no matter what. So I guess soon we won't be allowed to say anything at all.



blitzkrieg
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jun 2011
Age: 115
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 17,820
Location: The line in the sand

21 Dec 2021, 9:14 am

lostonearth35 wrote:
You can't say anything without triggering someone, no matter what. So I guess soon we won't be allowed to say anything at all.


Yeah, everyone has their triggers. When wokeists try to ban the things that trigger them, they just end up triggering the folk they are banning and then some of the victims of wokeists begin to desire banning them back. It's a vicious circle.

The solution is to grow up & respect everyone's opinions and deal with them accordingly.



League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,280
Location: Pacific Northwest

21 Dec 2021, 10:54 am

I saw a crazy post on Reddit where someone wondered if they were a buttface for ignoring her friend for insisting there was sibling abuse in her home because both her brothers were playing and were laughing. The brother playfully punched the other and were both laughing. Everyone in the thread agreed she was one of those people that spent too much time on social media and got into too much wokism. I wondered if she had been abused by a relative or baby sitter because this seemed like a typical reaction of a trauma victim. She was even troubled about it too and seemed afraid.


_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,939
Location:      

21 Dec 2021, 11:08 am

League_Girl wrote:
... I'm just so sick of people with trauma making everything be so black and white with parents; yelling, abuse.  Taking away privileges, abuse.  Grounding your kids, abuse.  Yes I have actually seen someone online try to say that giving your kids chores is abuse. ...
... Saying 'No' to your kid is abuse.  Not spoiling your kid is abuse.  Taking the side of your kid's bullying victims is abuse.  Taking the side of your kid's murder victims is abuse. ...

I could go on because this really touched a nerve with me: Parents who are so afraid of abusing their children that they let their children run wild and/or tell the parents what to do.

Sickening.



babybird
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 77,930
Location: UK

21 Dec 2021, 1:10 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
You can't say anything without triggering someone, no matter what. So I guess soon we won't be allowed to say anything at all.


I get triggered quite ofter and definitely every day with ptsd. I do try and keep it to myself but it has been really bad in the past especially in the workplace where I have physically threatened people and not been in control. I can't work because of it now.

I would imagine it is hard for people to understand.


_________________
We have existence