I wish I were neurotypical

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I just wish I were neurotypical. It panics me that nothing cures Asperger's or even treats it really. At least there's treatment for other disorders like depression or bipolar. Some bipolar people are 'normal' when they take meds regularly. But when you have an autism disorder you're just doomed to be disordered all your life. It's not fair.

NTs are really judgey. Being even slightly different is not valued unless you are successful.

You don't need to be a sheep and follow the flock to be happy.

It’s not absolute paradise to be an NT.

It's not so much about following the flock, it's just that I often feel stupid and inferior, while neurotypicals have all these superpowers. I'm just nothing. Just a hopeless Aspie. With a disorder that means self-ism, in other words, isolation. Don't want it.

I'd have to test drive an NT brain for a few days before I wished to be one.

Being on the spectrum is a part of your human essence.

Like what Sir Kraftie posted here in this thread,
one person on the spectrum will never be happy if such a person becomes an NT.

I do know that NTs do have problems, some even more than me. But their neurology doesn't cause their problems like autism does. This world is only catered for NTs and most don't realise they are born nor do they realise they have such extraordinary brains. They just know stuff. Know how to make friends. Know all the little details of socialising to get it right.

I'm constantly afraid of looking like an idiot or a jackass in public. My whole life revolves around this. I'm so scared to fail in front of strangers. And other Aspies don't understand why I feel like this.

I get too carried away with overthinking things. And when you overthink, you tend to miss important things because you were too anxious about failing. I did it tonight. I was supposed to be picked up by a taxi after work tonight. I went off the work premises because I didn't think the taxi would literally pull right into the premises. So I walked just a few short yards along the road and waited, carefully observing for a car that looked like a taxi. A car passed but it was too dark for me to tell if it was a taxi, and I felt too socially anxious to put out my hand in case it wasn't the taxi, and I was overthinking the two possible outcomes if I did do this and it wasn't the taxi: 1, the driver might think I'm a weirdo (after all, it was late at night), or 2, the driver might pull over and kipnap me. So I stayed put, and saw the car turn into my work premises, but there are a few other firms that share the same premises so I thought it might be to do with one of them. Then 5 minutes later the taxi man rang me and asked where I was, and explained that he was waiting for me right outside where I work. So I had to walk back on myself and I felt embarrassed. He seemed quiet, and I wondered if he was annoyed with me for keeping him waiting, or he might have thought I was stupid or something.

And that is the sort of thing that happens a lot. I overthink things, to the point where I miss things because of worrying so much. Always worrying, and considering, what other people think, and the less I know them the more I worry about it. I sometimes feel like the whole world is laughing at me and judging me, calling me stupid.

I don't think I focus on myself any more than the average human does. I focus a lot on other people, am sensitive to their emotions and body language, get emotionally involved and attached, can get fascinated with certain people, and even if I'm having a quiet day in I'm still always up for a telephone chat with a friend or relative no matter how I'm feeling (in fact when I'm stressed and in meltdown mode I express myself to others even more). I feel naturally driven to people, interested in people, etc. Even as a child I was chatty and loved/craved company of another child to play with and talk to.

Yet I'm supposed to have self-ism? That's why I hate autism, it was basically named after the severely non-verbal low-functioning type, and doesn't always describe me. Yet when I got my ADHD diagnosis they said I still do have Asperger's/autism traits. Maybe it's because I have the sensory issues and the anxiety of certain changes, but then how does that make one self-focused?

Whenever I read about introverted NTs with social anxiety, they seem a lot more happier in solitude than I do. I just don't get it. I feel all icky being stuck with an outdated term that only describes the severely affected. It's a bit like naming covid "deadly disease" even though it isn't deadly to most people but it makes it sound more serious and frightening. Do you see what I mean?

I'm glad you finally got you adhd diagnosis.

Does it even matter anymore?

Really, it reminds me of a time when introversion is considered a form of illness.

That everyone should be an extrovert, that everyone should do out there, socially interact and make friends.

But failing to say there is such thing as toxic interactions and relationships.
That a person's mind can be so malicious.



Now it's a matter of, what, self-ism?

Do humans know to themselves that humans actually built to think in extremes?

Do professionals know to themselves that they don't associate things the same way as laypeople do?

Oh, sure, everything we do now will always have to do with either contributing to society or sharing moments with one another.

Nevermind being depressed or tired, uncomfortable, those are excuses, excuses, excuses.
Yeah, those wheelchair users are just faking it and are very lazy to walk.

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