I’m a loser

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What do you do if you’re in a very dark place and don’t know how to get out? I’m in a vulnerable state right now. My redneck parents are too rough on me and I can’t work because of my poor physical and mental health. I tried to make friends but suck at that because I’m too mental. I’m ugly poor and physically unwell. I feel like there’s no hope. I wish I could go to a spiritual temple and find peace. I really hate where I live but don’t know how to survive without my family that treats me like s**t.

There's nothing wrong with you, but it sounds like you're surrounded by people who want you to feel that way. What in your life has made you feel valued and given you purpose?

My health but that’s gone now. I didn’t realize I was destroying myself when I went off my medication. It’s embarrassing to walk around in public as unwell as I am. I tried to make friends but perhaps I made the wrong ones. I don’t even know if I can face people right now. But yes a true friend that could be emotionally supportive would be great.

My health has altered in the past half year, and I've definitely made some wrong friends. It can be an empty and horrible feeling. That's because they want us to be present while treating us like we're not people--not real.

Do you have any hobbies or skills that make you feel great?

I guess I could work on some art. That’s about all I feel up to right now. Most of the time I don’t have much energy just lie in bed.

I just meant as something to remind you of feeling fulfilled. Not anything you need to do now. It just sounded like people around you maybe focus on what you struggle with, not what you're good at.

I thought about writing my past friends some letters but once I got out on the town I didn’t see the point. They let me fall through the cracks and maybe even drove me crazy. I was trying too hard to fit in with cool people when in reality I’m a big geek. It wasn’t worth it. And loneliness sucks but it’s better than hanging out with a clique that’s just going to screw you over.

"My health but that’s gone now. I didn’t realize I was destroying myself when I went off my medication."

This could be a good clue to help you make a change in your life. Is it possible to see your doctor/therapist and get back on meds, even if they are not the one you just quit? Sometimes it takes a long time to find the right ones, or they need adjusting to have the best effect. Please don't give up on yourself. You are worthy of peace, self understanding, self care, and health. Please keep us posted about how you are doing.

John Lennon was a “loser.”

He made millions of bucks from that song.

Thanks Kraftie I’ll have to listen to that song. I’m going to focus on art because it’s the only thing I feel like I have control over in my life right now. I did not have good helpers in this town.