I met a psychopath and whooo-boy was it interesting.

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I got multi red flags the very first second of introduction. Odd or weird dress (50's wearing a youth hoodie at work), no eye contact, no touch or handshake, monotonic voice, and the boss introduced him as Jason, and his only words were, "You can call me Jay." This confused me as was he referring to the old SNL joke or did he preferred Jay. All the others around us looked perplexed as they all call him Jason, so it seem weird correcting the boss. Turns out he was the boss of the group. The really weird part is I liked the guy, our time together was too long, but I learned some in the end. I am thankful I noted the red flags, one is a warning but five...alert.

We had some good conversations like the Sam Harris Lie podcast, where do you get your morals, art, suicide, etc. He said he graduated with a social worker degree. Then I made a huge mistake, I mentioned I was aspie.

Another contributing factor is I just started a deep-dive to find "myself." I was going to be honest and introspective. Lots of sub-conscious saying some very interesting things that even surprised the conscious.

So the common disorder thread is he has impaired empathy while I've none at all. Ever meet one and how did you deal?

Last edited by txfz1 on 13 Dec 2021, 11:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My father.

Kinda easy to detect if you know about it, almost impossible if you aren't "close" to them or haven't been around one for a long time

1: they say what you want to hear if you aren't already "won over"; they're too perfect at getting people to like them; they appear confident; charming
2: they treat those already "won over" poorly, i.e., family, as they know they won't leave; they treat those outside very well, as they're potential people to "win over" and "gain"
3: they lie about about everything to win people over via gaining sympathy/empathy; they don't lie to those already won over outside of hiding the harmful things they do
4: they'll throw you away when you're a burden to them as if you didn't exist; if you can't give anything, you're of no use
5: they won't do much with those around them they know won't leave
6: they have narcissistic traits
7: almost everything they do is to gain more for themselves at the expense of others
8: they actually do feel, it's just different and centered on them
9: they'll bully those that they feel can't give them anything
10: you'll never see them apologize

How to deal? Leave.

I'm not sold on those with autism lacking empathy nowadays. I think it's the opposite, where the incoming emotions and nonverbal cues just overwhelm the individual and they shut down, making it appear like they don't. Throw in social interaction issues where appropriate social reciprocity was delayed, i.e., saying things that might be mean or talking out of turn, and you have the appearance of someone without empathy. Also a desire for truth, and the truth hurts.

He sounds more like an aspie to me. I don't think any of his traits are of a psychopath.

20 Signs That You Are A Psychopath
I like the "Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom" pic. Extreme sports are still too boring unless you have a naked woman on your back .

I considered him as an aspie but he meets the 20 signs. I hate to read the papers; too easy to boost the traits for me, but in comparison of the wiki, not much difference between the two disorders. I have found the enemy and it is me.

Leave asap is correct.
Interesting thinking on empathy. It is the one of the biggie trait that I consider myself as an aspie.

One of my first shocks was visiting the hosiptal to see my mother around 12 yo. My father beat her half to death for the second time in six months. I walked up to the her bed, my grandparents were at the foot. I leaned on the bed and asked, "Mom, can I go spend Christmas with dad?" Grandma shrieked, Grandpa consoled her, and my uncle swore "God Damn." This is what shocked me, not seeing how she was beat up. It was huge shock as I was confused, even walking out I was wondering why I wasn't crying. It happen before when he beat her the first time, my sisters were crying and I wasn't.

I do have some perception which I would think give a smidgen of empathy. I didn't do much to console my dying father and six months afterwards I lost my dog, which seem much more painful. This could be lots of other stuff such as cumulative effect of grief, hatred, shock of trauma, etc. The other "proof" is I have zero trust, again this could be other stuff as above. How does one know or find the truth?

You can understand how someone would feel in the situation they're in (via verbal and nonverbal cues), and the ability to feel something similar from that (likely to various degrees depending on the importance of the individual to you).

For me: I thought I didn't really feel much, but I ended up feeling too much, so I'd block it out. I have some other issues here related to life events and emotions, but speaking purely in the context of autism, I look away from eyes because I feel too much from them, and I withdraw from the emotion of others because I feel too much of the emotion myself. The stronger the emotion, the more I feel. I say things others don't like because I can't tell them what they'd like to hear, rather what I know to be the truth to me. This leads to someone that functionally appears like they don't have empathy, but inside there's too much. If you looked at me, interacted with me, and I had no connection, I'd definitely look uncaring and cold.

Psychopath: they'd save an unknown animal when people are watching because it would elevate their status with those people and they could gain something from those people, but they don't care about the animal
Autistic (how I see it): they'd save an unknown animal because they care about the suffering the animal is in and wouldn't notice the people watching or care (or it might even be a negative if it's distracting)

That's an unknown animal. There's likely a near-normal level of emotional reading of those with autism and animals, or heightened compared to those without. With humans, it goes too far, so it looks like the opposite.

Or they'd do it for the thrill of doing it but again without any investment in the animal's well-being.

Interestingly, psychopaths (I guess antisocial PD here), and those with autism have altered perceptions of fear, which can make both appear fearless (consensus seems that both aren't though), where they appear oblivious to danger. IIRC, psychopaths do thrill-seeking behavior as they like the fear, and they do feel it. Those with autism tend to be just different, with it skewing towards higher levels of fear, which autism can do there for obvious reasons (hypersensitivity leading to anxiety, bullying and whatnot).

I don't fear much of anything other than hurting others. Which is quite odd. Just causing emotional upset in others is something I fear. I'm complex in that regard, so if autism is involved, it's only part of it.

My father didn't appear to care too much about stuff, though he was fearful when it came to his own health/life. He didn't seem to care about that of others'. This makes sense.

Was he also wearing a tshirt with "I'm not naughty, I'm a psychopath" printed across the front.

I hate it when people say they've met a psychopath and then when they describe them they actually describe me.

What's wrong with wearing a hoodie at 50? I wear a hoodie at 48 and I will still be wearing one when I'm 50, 60, 70 etc.

Last edited by babybird on 14 Dec 2021, 2:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sharpen the focus please.

His attire, and monotone voice, dont mean anything.

Not clear how any of this means he is a psychopath (or sociopath either).


Unless you're saying that he got you to reveal more of yourself then you usually reveal to strangers...from just first meeting him...because he had some kind talent to gain your confidence. If thats the point of your story then maybe yes maybe he was a psychopath.

@OP, if you want to meet a psychopath

1. CEO
2. Manager
3. Lawyer
4. Salesperson
5. Police officer
6. Media

I have certainly worked for a psychopath. Possibly 2.

I had friend in late highschool and early college (major person in my life for a while) in retrospect I have thought was probably a sociopath (not sure I would go so far as to say psychopath). One reason I was drawn to him as a friend was that he was the polar opposite of me, and felt I could learn from him. Then I got tired of him.

Went through this checklist of 20 signs on the above post. Once for me, and once for what I could recall observing about my old buddy. I got below five (not), but he got well into mid range (likely have psychopathic traits).

Lol I was just going to say, "what ? was he wearing a name badge with 'diagnosed Psychopath' on it." Really, Unless he quietly disclosed it in a conversation, (unlikely) or he has a crime record a mile long, It sounds like some serious jumping to conclusions going on.

"no eye contact, no touch or handshake, monotonic voice, " those are not signs of psychopathy, those are actually signs of autism. Psychopathy are charming and look you in the eye, and shake your hand. Atleast the ones who didn't grow up on farms, and dig up bodies, ya know, the really weird ones.

Exactly.

Fair point, Unless you know their childhood history, a psychopath and sociopath display exactly the same. One is born, the other is made.

I've met a psychopath before. He got my (possible Aspie) aunt and her teenage daughter in his claws one time. Not only was he a psychopath, he was also a paedophile. So the teenager was bonus for him.

Typical psychopath traits he had were:-

1. Tricked people into thinking he was a great guy by superficial charm

2. Pathological liar, used his lies to the police to get away with grooming young girls (he was so convincing that even the police believed his lies)

3. Very cunning and manipulative, used murder threats to scare his victims into doing everything he wanted

4. Very controlling, would isolate his victims from friends and family

5. Lacked sympathy, empathy, shame and remorse

6. Parasitic lifestyle; used sob stories and played the victim to con his way into things

7. Incapable of loving other people, only loved himself

8. Had several criminal records and was blacklisted

9. Had an evil look in his eyes

10. Was a coward; was terrified of other men but was a monster to women (he would punch a woman, but if a man threatened to punch him he'd run away and cry)

11. Very juvenile, would be most happy if he was surrounded by young girls aged 1-18, like Jimmy Saville

12. He most probably will never change


I'm literally the opposite to a psychopath, thank God. Psychopaths are dangerous. Keep away from them.

I agree the first signs do not define him as a psychopath, it's just signs that put up a red flag warning for me. In the first days of meeting, he was working hard to gain my confidence (another red flag). My layman's definition comes from basically living 24/7 with him and another for 7 months.

The end story is I believe he is a pedophile and is blackmailing the manager. I've given the info to the sheriff's office and filed a harassment complaint with the bureaucracy that we worked together.