What can I do about this.

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I’m dying. I have enemies that want me dead too. Like really bad. It’s kind of complicated as to why but I’m scared to talk about it. But if I get stalked again, which at the very least is annoying, I’ll call the cops.

So anyway I’m dying. I do not want to take psychiatric medication anymore as clearly the mental health system was no help to me anyway. They will harass me to keep going anyway if I try to avoid them. My family
thinks they are helping. How can it be helping if I self harmed really bad while seeing them because I find dealing with shrinks just makes life twice as much depressing. And for people that have studied psychology they couldn’t figure out I was being stalked and too afraid to tell them, out of fear of looking paranoid.

I’m poor. I sell things while on disability for extra money. But I hate doing it lately because I got sicker and now when people come to the door to buy from me they judge me. They look at me like it’s my fault that I did this to myself. When I couldn't help it if my enemies gave me psychological problems.

I’d like to move but my family would give me hell about it and think it’s a bad idea. They are religious red necks. They always think they are right.

What the hell do I do. The homeless shelter in the other town is closed because it’s summer. My f*****g idiot parents will become abusive and think they are helping by keeping me here. I have always hated being in this town. Most people hate living here. There is nothing to do but drink and shop and work. Everyone complains about that here. The town is boring.

How can I move without my stupid family knowing. I do not want to live in a city as I was bad enough at living in a large town.

Last edited by Sarahsmith on 16 May 2022, 6:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My mom talked me out of going to university. She talked me out of being in a band even though people said I was a good singer. She decided who I was to be friends with. They adored my boyfriend and listened to everything he said even though he had done jail time and enjoyed having power over me by talking about conspiracies. Constantly. I ran to all the wrong people for help. I didn’t do what was good for me. I never knew how.

I learned how to stay down.

Do you currently have a social worker? You might want to get one if you don’t have one, but that might be kind of challenging without getting mental health services; it depends on the area.

It does suck to have to sell things because of how little you are getting on disability. I had to sell a lot of stuff, too, when I was on it.

So do you get a social worker through the government? I don’t really have one.

Because of what I went through here I don’t really like living in Canada anymore or at least this part of Canada. The people are naive and it’s most of the time really cold. And in this part of Canada it’s overcast or rainy for weeks on end. There’s been a heavy sheet of cloud over the sky the past few days. I’m so much happier when it’s warm and sunny.

But anyway just because it’s culture to be polite here doesn’t mean you won’t get screwed over, apparently.

Unfortunately, I don’t know what the steps in Canada would consist of. You may need to make a few phone calls. Mental health clinics could have information about this, too. They’d at least be able to tell you who to call.

A social worker could help you manage your affairs and would, perhaps, know about other things you could qualify for in your area.

Okay I found out thank you.

I didn’t know you sing

I don’t so much now that my body is wrecked. But I still sing a little when no one is around.

Was listening to Bjork today while painting. Thought, dammit I used to sing almost with the same zest for life as her. Never read about her personal life but... anyway that was years ago when I was still okay. I won a contest at a bar. But I was outside because back then I smoked when I drank. Thanks to the stupid cigarette I could have one a prize of quite a bit of money. The cigarette ruined it. Lol

At least I painted today while listening to Bjork and never really painted with emotions like that before. I didn’t mind the work it produced.

Hi Sarah,

I'm sorry to hear things are so bad for you again. I thought you had moved into an apartment with an older woman, but maybe I misread something or that didn't work out for some reason.

I don't know what types of services you have currently other than your psychiatrist. If you're interested in a social worker you can start by googling for social workers in your area. You could also get a referral from your GP but it seems like you've had enough of talking to doctors. I understand that.

If you're diagnosed with ASD you can also inquire about getting a caseworker for people with disabilities, if you don't already have a caseworker. You've been approved for disability insurance, you have a low income, and you lived in a group home, so you should be more than eligible for service. There might be group programs available or you might get a personal caseworker who helps with skills development and employment (if you're interested in work, or capable of working).

Are you on provincial disability? When you were approved for it you likely got a paper with the name and number of your insurance caseworker. That's where you would send evidence of any additional income. This person should be able to help you if you have any questions about support services. You can also contact MSI to see what's covered on your provincial healthcare insurance.

I would sing more, Sarah.

Many good singers seem to go through hard times. Many of them overcome it.

And you paint, too! Another talent I don’t have. You might be a good surrealist.

Indeed, I would make more use of social services. Even traveling to see your social worker gets you out of isolation. And keep track of the waiting lists.

You have lucky gifts that I don’t have.

Imagine if we have another Joni Mitchell in our midsts! She’s a famous Canadian singer-songwriter.

Not really a big fan of Canadian music. Not saying there isn't talent up here. But anyway like the version of "Both sides now" she did when she was older.