A question about empaths, pain, and tough decisions...

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First of all, I apologize if this is in the wrong section or if my post is in any way too personal even though I'm intentionally providing very little detail. I would hope if so a moderator would be kind enough to move it to a more appropriate subforum, and I would be grateful for cordial responses because this is something very interesting to me that has brought me stress but I'd also be genuinely interested to know what people have to say regarding this and dealing with people who have a tremendous amount of empathy but don't seem to value understanding both sides of an issue.

This is a bit of a rant, but also a question I have to those of you who understand me. I'm an autistic person with a general propensity to favor logic over emotions, which is common among us. Sometimes I suppose I favor reason so much that it makes me seem wicked to hyper empathetic NTs, and I'd really like to understand how you guys feel about this. How do you make out or handle situations like this and have you been in similar situations?

A person in a Discord server I was in wanted another user of that server to be banned. One of the mods (Who's friends with that person) banned them without talking to other staff first. A few days later, me and the staff decide to unban this person because we believed the ban was unfair.

To give some context, the person who was banned had been too callous and blunt with someone who was emotionally very fragile, that person reached their breaking point extremely fast and threatened to injure themselves. The thing is, the callous person did not intend to cause any harm and had been close with the person at the receiving ends for weeks. The main issue we believe is that this person is suffering from depression and low self esteem and can't handle such crude behavior, and it was mainly a lack of communication that lead to it.

Because there was no malintent and no prior discussion with staff, this is why we unbanned. After the unban, hyper empathetic people who were friends with this person decide that we're monsters who excuse abuse and defend abusers.

I really don't mean to bring up personal stories at all, the main intent of this post is to ask if others here have had similar experiences where people who are very empathetic only want to hear one side of the story and shut out any reasoning that you have if they believe they're justified by a strong emotion. People who use pain as a sword to justify self righteous indignation or to shut off all discourse. I ask because this is a common scenario that I've noticed people get into, and as an autistic person who struggles with empathy it's easy to see me as a bad person even when I'm genuinely just weighing both sides into the equation and making decisions as a group with all known context presented.

Welcome to the intersection of moderating and tribalism.

(and to why I'm okay with my health having become too bad for me to moderate anything anywhere anymore)

I appreciate the response, being a moderator can definitely be a challenge when you'll be seen as a jerk no matter which side you'll take.

Some people believe they can act however they want and be fully justified if they feel they've been hurt and it makes situations incredibly difficult, especially in instances where they use their pain as a weapon against you.

It's incredibly hard to say that people who are hurting need some personal accountability or should respectfully understand our decision and leave because you'll be seen as a monster.

When I was reading your post star trek was popping into my head because the captains give speeches similar to what you are saying.

I don't run into those situations irl usually. I've been in situations where the powers at be don't do enough, but in your case you did the right thing.

Thinking back I was in slightly similar situations at school . I hadn't developed tact and said a few insulting or controversial things without meaning to. I was well mannered the majority of the time so nothing bad happened.

And even moreso when the moderator has some empath in themselves.

klanka has a point about those Star Trek Captains; the role is a little bit diplomat, a little bit Counselor Troi, a little bit Park Ranger, and a little bit "There are rules and procedures here, there is good reason they are here, and they will be followed. This society only works when what is expected is made known and everybody gives a little bit for the good of the whole. And I am here to see that that is what happens."