staying positive?

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i've been feeling like it's increasingly difficult to stay positive about. well, existing in this sort of world. political climate (and horrors) aside, i more just feel like i've been taking notice and really feeling the effects of how unaccommodating the world is to nd and disabled people. like, not to sound defeatist or elitist (or another rhyming word...) or like the joker by talking about sOcIeTy and whatnot, but man, society really just is not structured for people like us. i don't believe that the environment i live in is the only thing that disables me, but it certainly contributes to it. how are we supposed to, like, exist peacefully knowing the playing field is so unevenly leveled against us? how do you go through life like this not getting burnt out? the one week this month where i was sick and confined to my dorm was, despite the physical pain, unbelievably relieving. the headaches i'd been getting on a daily basis stopped, my depressive symptoms improved, and i didn't feel so fatigued. one day back in classes and it's all come back. not to say that those are indicators that the world is awful and terrible everywhere all of the time, but more that i seem to be really working overtime, so to speak, without even realizing it, when i'm just trying to like... live. exist. manage that. honestly, if anyone has like, tips on how to not get depressed about this kind of thing, i'll take em. it's just hard and i'm tired.

I'm probably not the poster you would want to respond to this, but seeing that nobody else has, I can at least give it a bump with a bit of meat on the bone (I am a vegetarian by the way).

I'd say it's perfectly natural for young people to feel thoroughly dissatisfied with their environment and a sense of urgency to tear down and change their surroundings based on an evolutionary pressure that would have made sense until relatively recently - when nothing was built to last and life was unstable. Necessary too in many cases to seek out new tribes with which to assimilate or to belong to build a new beginning.

In a nutshell, that's the drive of youth, now tempered by giant strides of progress and a depth of human knowledge easily transferred across generations and cultures to bring about the civilisation we see today. The young are - for the most part - no longer required for their bright ideas, vigour and vitality, hence the feeling of depression, lack of self worth, disassociation etc. etc.

It's a process we've all been through for several generations now, though the scope for actually contributing something satisfyingly tangible and worthwhile to society is ever shrinking, to be largely replaced with social justice causes to fill time before we eventually grow up.

A degree in Creative Writing? That's nice dear, how about a job as a waffle waitress.

Good luck.

I'm likely also not a great one to respond to this, or maybe I am. I dunno. I just know that what I'm going to say isn't going to come across as optimistic. I apologize in advance for that.

The world isn't built for us. Not even close. It is going to be hard, exhausting, overwhelming, just altogether too much in a lot of cases and a lot of the time. For me, it's not a question of how I feel about it or how to stay positive in the middle of it. For me, it's how do I realistically deal with it and live to the best of my abilities given the cards I've been dealt. Part of that, for me, is accepting my limits and learning when it's getting to be too much for me so I can employ decompressing techniques and coping skills, and so on. I need things like your week in your room or I will shutdown. I can't push too hard for too long. And too hard for me is 'nothing' for most people.

I say all that to say, you might want to consider rethinking how much you are trying to take on at once and readjust to something that is more manageable to you. If you have a lot of classes, for example, try dropping one or taking less next semester. If you are working while going to school, maybe see if you can get scholarships so you don't have to work.

I come from a place where I had a series of burnouts back to back that landed me in one major burnout episode that I never fully recovered from. When I read things like what you wrote, it always makes me think of my own crap and get concerned for the person writing... I'd hate for you to have to go through what I did when just lightening up the workload and inserting more self care could prevent it. I wouldn't worry about trying to stay positive, I'd listen to this upset your dealing with as a warning sign and instead of trying to push through, try to readjust things.

My two cents.

I wish you well in this.

Your response was far better than mine, that's for sure. What I'm not so sure about is if there's ever been a less difficult time in history to be autistic/disabled and is it likely to improve much beyond what we have to contend with today. It's possible we'd have had a more obvious role to play in more primitive times, though I can imagine that the sensory overload of being less sheltered from the harsh realties of nature 24/7 would have been tough going.
Maybe the most important relationship in anybody's life is the one we have with the period in history in which we live, we need to make friends with it and forgive to get along.

OP , I hear you and I can relate , although when I was your age I was not as smart as you , I have learned a lot since then.
A recent (to me) finding about our emotions and brains are, negative thoughts follow a different path in our brains than do positive thoughts.

That may not sound very helpful just that. But it is an enormous breakthrough.
We do and we are what we think. If we are mainly thinking negative thoughts , no way can we feel good or positive.

I have bad news and good news. First is what we think the most is going to leave a larger stronger pathway in our brain. The bad news is your negative pathway seems to be the most traveled. The good news is you can change that.

How do you change it? As soon as a negative thought enters your consciousness , stop it dead in its track and replace it with a positive thought. It works , I have done it. If I had not successfully done this, I would not say it works , I would say "it sounds like it is worth a try" or similar. I am happy to say it works.

I can't say how long it took but I can tell you the amazing thing that technology did , and showed me what a difference i was making in myself.

I am a texter with my phone, and it gives me words it anticipates I may use to touch and save me texting it letter by letter.
When I first began to change my brain from negative to positive , I did it in everyway I could, and writing , texting, etc. are ways of putting our thoughts in print. So of course I began positive texts, and quit texting negative.
What I saw was when I began a text , the words it would show me to save spelling the word out were terrible ! I saw , the words , awful, iccky, creepy, stupid, hate, and so many more negative words. But it didn't take long untill I began seeing , great, happy, beautiful, and many more positive words replaced all of my negative ones.

I also began what I called my grateful program. It is hard to be negative when you make a list of everything you have to be grateful for. At first I felt I was not honest but I did it anyway. Today , nothing in my life has changed , but instead of being depressed and thinking the world and my life having no hope, I am happy and I know no matter what I am going to be ok. (not much hope for the world) but I will be happy anyway.

I hope this can help you. It takes consistency, it has to be done by you before it will be on its own, but it is worth it. So start smiling (smiles and laughter pump out happy hormones even if they are fake) and don't stop.

Bolding mine.

Agreed. I think about it like being placed in a giant box. I can fight the walls, try to scramble out, exhaust myself, and get nowhere. Or I can learn to live within the boundaries to the best of my abilities.

I dunno. Sometimes I think it would be wonderful to get away from the loudness and chaos of 'modern day', go run off to the woods and just exist. It sounds good. Peaceful. Satisfying. But reality is I doubt I could manage it in the long run. If I got too overwhelmed and started to shut down, I'd be screwed. In this modern world I live in I won't freeze or starve or anything like that. But who knows, if that was my normal, maybe I'd be wondering how I could survive in the modern world.