I feel left out

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I can't really relate to other people. I've never had a job other than once and I was barely scheduled because I wasn't very consistent. I couldn't really manage post secondary. I got below acceptable grades in grade 12. Everyone I know seems to have a job. I want a job because I think it could help me to meet people and learn skills. But it seems so scary. I just feel like left out because of it. I never have money and I don't really do anything all day.

Everyone tells me I am capable but some of my experiences with stuff have proven otherwise. I have a hard time with following instructions. I just feel like Im not capable of certain things. People don't really get it. Sometimes I'm accused of not paying attention. I pay attention. I feel really sad because I don't learn things lately. Most people aren't patient. Sometimes people just do it for me. I feel really embarrassed because of that. Sometimes it's even stuff I've been shown and told multiple times. I get really frustrated when this happens. Sometimes this leads to meltdowns.

People find my meltdowns off-putting. They don't want me around because of them. Nobody else I know has them. I get told I'm too old to behave that way. I have them often even though I tell people it won't happen again. I feel like I'm at risk of being kicked out because of them to live with another relative. I just want to stay at home. My siblings don't experience meltdowns.

I just want to get along better so that I don't feel left out. Lately my conversation skills are nitpicked. People also just tell me they don't care about what I'm saying. My hygiene is also nitpicked. I just feel like I get treated weird. My sister especially has a low tolerance lately. She gets mad at me a lot. She tells me I just repeat things and that I suck at conversations. It just hurts.

I'm sure most here can relate to much of that, I certainly can. The one thing that sticks out as a concern to me from what you've wrote would be that you aren't doing anything all day. This could be your way of saying that you're not doing anything that would be deemed useful and if this involves passively watching a screen the majority of the time or playing games without learning anything worthwhile, then yes this probably is your biggest problem in the here and now regards a sense of well being and your development. If you're engaged creatively and accumulating knowledge - even if only informing a special interest - then that's another story, it's the peripheral problems that command attention.

It always looks terribly glib when somebody just says "find a hobby", it's not easy to pluck something out of thin air that you're going to be able to stick with for any length of time. You likely do need to get outside more if you can, which again sounds like pointless advice, but most find that hugely beneficial in the medium-long term.

Great big hug Crystal1414. I totally understand what you are feeling. I know that you are capable. People just don't realize that you need a different approach and if they could just be patient and figure out how you learn things, they would be able to teach you and you would learn and you would succeed. I really believe that. You might need to develop stronger self awareness so that you can identify exactly how you learn. Once you can do that, you will be able to start to learn a hobby that could lead to work. I know you can do it. you just have to understand how your brain processes information so that you can make the necessary adaptations. I believe in you.