concerned for sister, she is going to visit someone online

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My sister recently told me about her boyfriend that she met online and how she plans to visit him for her birthday this summer.
What concerned the grandparents and me and others, is that she described never having video chatted him. Only voice chat and over the phone. Never met in person yet.

There is no changing her mind, though. We've talked to her about trafficking, organ harvesting, etc. She insists that she trusts her bf completely. That she will introduce me to the boyfriend eventually.

I'm not one to put down online relationships, but you do have to be careful and use common sense.

Any advice? I have told my sister that when she leaves on her trip, she needs to check in with me periodically and I need to be the concerned sibling sometimes.

Get all his details.
Verify name, address, email, social media, photo.
Tell her to wear an Apple watch.
Keep her location visible on your phone with a tracker.
Trafficking is a very real thing.

That might be difficult to do as she tries to keep her online presence a secret from me. She says it's "nothing personal, I just don't want family to follow me online"

https://www.amazon.com/Tracki-Magnetic- ... 07N4DHFZM/

How does this look

Apparently she talks to him nearly every day. I've also overheard her talking to him while he played her favorite video game one night. (Was in the next room trying to nap. Her room was only a few feet away.)

Ask her to leave his info in a sealed envelope with you.
You'll only open it if you don't hear from her every ________ length of time.
You can show it to her being shut, while she's gone.
It will still be sealed when she gets home.

Ok, thanks. Texting her about all this now. She might be asleep, but will get back to me soon I'm sure. The trip isn't until August.

Sweet Pea hugs

I think at the very least face photos should be swapped. physical attraction shouldn't be underestimated, as much as 'oooh it's the personality' matters. not saying it doesn't, but both are parts of attraction.

I've done it and I didn't get murdered or trafficked, however I know in hindsight it was an absolutely insane thing to do and very dangerous. I lied about where I was going and didn't tell anyone who I'd be with. I didn't even have a smartphone at the time. If something bad had of happened to me I would have dug that grave for myself.

Is your sister on the spectrum? I'm super into true crime and I still didn't fully understand the risk I was taking, but I blame it on my autism because even though I don't think I'm naïve about risk, my mum says I am and this would certainly be an example of it.

The sealed envelope thing is an excellent idea. Get her to do that if you can, or get a responsible adult to have that conversation with her if you think they'll be more persuasive. It's not about an invasion of her privacy, it's about keeping her safe.

For a long time I had an out of state friend online on a site that did not allow photos. We were both young moms. After a few years her daughter had a competition in my city. I wanted to meet her so badly! Her Dh was a fire fighter and would not let her give me details about the competition. He would not let her meet me. I offered to meet her in the lobby of a fire or police station. He said no.

I think you just have to use common sense. Most people are ok. And people who are ok are generally understanding about you being cautious.

My daughter flew about 2200 miles last year for a holiday by herself in another country, renting a car and staying at a remote AirBnB alone in the mountains. She did a lot of touring: everything from beaches to deserts to downtown pubs. To say I was terrified was an understatement. My mother nearly had a coronary. She has no sense of direction and gets lost with the car in a ten minute radius of home. She's HFA and ADHD and also has serious physical health conditions. However, she was around your sister's age so I couldn't tell her no. I didn't actually use a phone tracker app because I didn't know they existed, but she had Air Tags and I could have used "find my iPhone" if I wanted. I also authorised her to have and use a copy of my credit card, so I could see all the transactions and track her locale by that. We texted quite often because she was eager to show me pictures.

This week she's flying about 3000 miles to meet a friend. You'll probably watch my mental health deteriorate because I'll be worried. It's better that she's meeting a friend than being alone, but it's also scary that she's meeting someone she's never met before. That in itself gives pause. They're staying in separate places but there's still a lot of risk whether she's crazy about the person and doesn't want to come home, or whether things won't go well and she'll want to come early. Another issue is that we have a serious family emergency happening which makes me more worried about her safety than I normally would be. It brought to life the dangers we all face at any age in such a scary world.

I think you're doing the right thing by getting all the info you can. She should be allowed to make her own choices by that age, but with every right comes responsibility, and I hope she'll make wise choices for her own safety and your family's peace of mind.

^^ Well, if she thinks she might be neurodivergent, that's the angle I'd use when talking about the risk. That's the angle people have taken with me, and it works. You can say that as she's ND she might not fully appreciate all the risks that are there, and also that it would help in a practical way if things did go wrong. You won't be able to stop her from doing what she wants to do, but you can encourage her to do it more safely.

For example, I go out running early in the morning sometimes, and my mum had a conversation with me about how I don't always fully appreciate the risks of what I'm doing, and that it makes her worry about me. I still go running, but now I draw a map of where I'm going with the time I left and what colours I'm wearing etc, and I leave it at home in case anything goes wrong. It doesn't make me feel much safer because I didn't feel unsafe to begin with, but it makes my mum feel better so I always do it now. It also genuinely would be helpful if someone tried to grab me, so I can see the practical purpose.