Feel like wanting to be angry at people who won't talk to me

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I do know obviously that getting angry or upset at people who won't, don't or haven't befriended is not the answer and that I can't force people to but I feel as though the reason for people not talking to me particularly on social media is because they presume that I'm a sad and very depressed person from what I say in the messages I send or in posts I used to write in the what's on your mind box.

I seem to think I found myself struggling at school, college and uni trying to make and maintain friendships and I never got hold of anyone's email addresses or mobile numbers. I even felt like people in class didn't always want to walk up and befriend and always left me on my own and for some reason it makes me feel bad and makes it seem like its my fault that people didn't befriend and a part of me feels like I want to be annoyed at them for not doing so even though I can't force people to befriend me if I don't like me or know me. I sometimes finding myself annoyed at my own self for not being as social as I am now and not picking up on social ques with NT people. It feels as though its my own fault that people didn't walk up to me much and befriend me and a part me feels like wanting to blame them but I know that they are not to blame and to get upset at them for not befriending me is not right.

I seem to think this is one of the reasons I feel have these feelings of ''missing out'' on things such concerts, holidays abroad, days out to somewhere exciting etc because I have few friends and then end up feeling like everyone is enjoying life more than me because they have more friends than I do. There is a part of me that wants to be included and when I don't get included whether I am invited or not it, just makes the FOMO worse.

Not saying this applies to you, but being self obsessed (to the point of self referencing all of the time), not being interested in what other people have to say and generally being uptight must be three of the main reasons for avoiding somebody and these would be three characteristics I'd associate with autism.

It's not easy to fake interest or to come across as easy going, I was always a bit unhinged and silly with an extremely dark sense of humour as a kid and was able to engage on that basis but never worked out how to do it as an adult with normal people. The only people I've managed to make any connection with since have all been off their heads on drugs, survivors of early childhood abuse or both and those were all decades ago. I've no idea how I'd get on now, I'm happy enough avoiding people.

This isn't a very helpful post, I know.