Why is there pressure on men to look a certain way?

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chris1989
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05 Jul 2023, 12:17 pm

When I see a young man who looks like he works out a lot, has a flashy car, and so on, for some reason that envies me rather than inspires me. It still hasn't made me feel like wanting to get a more flashy looking car than the one I've got now as though it doesn't really bother me what my car looks like. I seem to think that's the type of man someone like Andrew Tate advocates for and that you are not much of a man unless you do lots of working out, have a nice car and so on. I seem to think that some men are in some way pressured to look certain way a bit like those love island types if you watch British TV but I think they have done versions of that show in America and Australia as well. Sorry I know this sounds absurd but its hard for me to not feel that.

I seem to think that when I see this on TV, my phone, etc it feels as though all men want to do is look good, make and have lots of money and a lot of sex and so on. Again I'm very sorry that this sounds like generalising or stereotyping but that's how it seems to be put across by the media and some reality TV.



DanielW
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05 Jul 2023, 12:25 pm

there isn't - anyone can look any way they want to. The "looks" used in adverts are designed to sell products and clothing brands. By the time you get the haircut, buy and use the products, the fashion changes and you start all over again in the next fashion season.

Its pretty dumb really



DuckHairback
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05 Jul 2023, 12:41 pm

Society encourages all sorts of people to conform to accepted norms in all sorts of ways.

Advertising wouldn't be possible if that wasn't the case - it's both a symptom and a cause in that sense.

I can see the appeal of having a nice car - one that drives well and is confortable and safe. But I don't care what my car 'says' about my social status. I can't care, because I drive crap cars. Always have.

I suspect its a trap. If you start having nice cars then maybe that does become part of your persona and then you feel diminished in the eyes of others if you have to downgrade for whatever reason.

And you're right. People like Andrew Tate are taking advantage of this social anxiety, and perpetuating it, by offering advice to young men about how to conform at the same time as presenting themselves as non-conformists.


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05 Jul 2023, 6:21 pm

Toxic Mansculinty. You're not a "real man" unless you...

Here in the USA there is s company with the audacity to call itself "Be A Man Buy Land." That's not their slogan; it's their name. The person who came up with that deserves...bad things...

Advertising preys on insecurities, for men as well as women.

Andrew Tate is a sociopath and colossal scumbag. Anyone who speaks positively of him should be treated as an idiot at best, and possibly a threat.



Fnord
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05 Jul 2023, 6:31 pm

I was 'pressured' to look was clean-shaven, with combed hair and fresh clothes, especially at work.

In the military, 'pressure' to look squared-away is inevitable.  Weekly haircuts are the norm.  Clean uniforms are a must.

I never was one to be a slave to popular fashion.



rse92
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06 Jul 2023, 7:19 am

Nobody is pressuring you to do anything.

Any pressure you have is self-imposed.

You need to take care of your own sh-t.



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06 Jul 2023, 7:29 am

Fnord wrote:
[color=black]I was 'pressured' to look was clean-shaven, with combed hair and fresh clothes, especially at work.


That sounds pretty mild as pressure goes.

Fresh clothes especially. Hair standards are debatable but not wearing the same clothes for a week is a cleanliness thing.



rse92
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06 Jul 2023, 9:10 am

Envy is a deadly sin. You need to cut it out of your life or you will never be happy.



funeralxempire
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06 Jul 2023, 9:13 am

There's pressure on everyone to look a certain way, not just men.


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TwilightPrincess
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06 Jul 2023, 9:13 am

^^ Envy is a normal, human emotion. It's unhealthy when it is taken to extremes.



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06 Jul 2023, 10:16 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Envy is a normal, human emotion. It's unhealthy when it is taken to extremes.


Normal human emotion, yes.

I think whether it's unhealthy depends not just on how much you envy, but what you envy and why.

Envying people who don't have to work weekends, don't need a second job to make ends, or have financial security isn't unhealthy. What you're actually expressing is a desire for stability and less stress.

Envying people who live in mansions and drive Porches is unhealthy because you're expressing shallow materialism.

Envying a couple you know because they have a healthy, happy long-term relationship isn't unhealthy. It's recognizing a good relationship goal you hope to emulate.

Envying a person because of their specific partner is unhealthy. That's jealousy, and probably objectification and possessiveness. It's unhealthy even if you don't act on it.



funeralxempire
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06 Jul 2023, 10:24 am

Weight Of Memory wrote:
Envying people who live in mansions and drive Porches is unhealthy because you're expressing shallow materialism.


That might depend on why one wishes to drive a Porsche. If they just want it as a status symbol, definitely, but they're also among the nicest driving cars ever made, so one might only desire them from an enthusiast angle.


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