Why am I self imposing pressure more than 10 years ago?

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I seem to think that 10 years ago there was none of this self imposed pressure to keep up with the Joneses as much as now. I seem to think now I'm seeing people my age or a bit younger starting their own families and my sister who is 29 has a 3 year old son and in my current circumstances I am still single in my early 30s and a part of me likes the single life but looking at other people sometimes leaves me feeling lonesome and thinking I am "wasting time" because I feel I am not experiencing a long term relationship and not making the most it especially having a child whilst still young yourself because I seem to think that people still frown upon people older for having their first child because they feel they maybe should have had a child 10 or 15 years previously. One example: model Naomi Campbell at 53 had another child this year but someone said "Well, she should really perhaps be a grandmother by this stage". I don't understand why I am feeling this same way as a man when I seem to think a single woman in her 30s feels more pressure than perhaps a man does.

The pressure to keep up with the Jones' has always existed. The difference is that 10 years ago you weren't fixated on what everyone else was doing, and were content enough to do your own thing.

Because the older you get the more obvious it becomes that you've missed "normal," life milestones like long term relationships, marriage, starting a family etc.

A decade ago it wasn't such a big deal to be 6 months behind your peers, but now that you haven't changed much and their kids are 8 years old it's glaringly obvious to you that you haven't done the same things in life as them.

Such is life. Either take action and do things that move you towards that life if that's what you truly desire, Or do whatever it is in life that you want to do that makes you feel fulfilled and do it regardless of whether it fits what society's generally accepted "normal," happens to be.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

Then who gives a flying F if you don’t have kids then ?? Why is this bothersome At All if it’s not even something you really want for yourself and your life?

Just do whatever your thing is and live your life and stop with the constant comparisons to others lives THAT YOU DON’T EVEN WANT! What a waste of energy.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

Quite a while back, a guy in the office i worked in was talking about having kids and i asked him why he wanted to have kids. He just kind of went blank, like he'd never thought about it. He said he'd just always assumed it would happen one day. That blew my mind. I wonder how common that is?

I wonder if its more common among people who grew up in very close families, where the family has been a constant source of support and strength for them. I imagine if you grow up in that sort of environment you'd naturally fall in to doing the same thing.

Personally, I was 100% certain I didn't want to be a father. I am selfish with my time, often deep in my own head and don't like being in the present as kids force you to be. I didn't think I'd be very good at it.

My partner's pregnancy was not planned. If anything we planned against it, but:



What becoming a father taught me is that before having a child, I was thinking about an abstract 'child'. It had no real connection to me, it was just a nebulous bundle of possibilities with no discernable character. A dotted outline of a person. It's hard to find that an interesting proposition. I wasn't really thinking about what the child would be like, I was focussed on what being a father would be like.

My actual child is a concrete entity with a very specific personality and I now can't imagine life without her.

My perspective on life, and on myself, is very different now. But I don't think being a parent is any more valid or interesting than choosing not to be. It's just a different experience of life.

I would say that it's probably better if you really want to be a parent before you become one, and if you don't really want to then you probably shouldn't.