Cruelty

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I've been scraping along barely hanging on by my fingernails. Today I got another kick in the teeth.

I can't do it anymore, but there's no off ramp. Every moment of every day I have to struggle through this terrible pain. I don't know how to do it anymore. I am exhausted and the pain gets worse and worse. It been almost 2 years, nonstop.

I discovered today that it's not as much the pain that hurts but the cruelty, though it's both. The cruelty could stop. It could just stop if he stopped being (emotionally, never psysically) cruel. But he doesn't even understand what he has done and is doing.

(((((Hugs)))))

Wishing you good vibes, bee.

Is there anywhere to go to talk about nevernding agony? It seems wrong to dump it on the folks on WP.

I don't know. You can try me but I don't know if I know if I have answers or know what to say. All I know is my own experiences and what I have heard from others that make sense to me and I have remembered.

^That's very sweet, but I wouldn't put it on you.

I am in so much pain that I was up all night sobbing, and then I slept all day and now I'm going to be up all night sobbing once again. I can't take this pain anymore. I can't.

that's too vague, although i guess i get what you mean

everything is cyclic, after the down the wheel goes up

the 'current thing' is sitting as much as possible in pain, and then some more

action, accomplishing something, doing the dishes, anything.....

helps get the head out of the pity, also try not to fall back into that right away

--
if its narc abuse, the only advice: runaway- is useless, all that running brings more of the same

So far there has been no cycle. It's been nearly two years and it's not better, it's worse. The pain is intolerable and it only gets worse. But I appreciate your response and advice.

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Is hard. Are you able to go places to travel to that can give you new memories that you have not had before?

Maybe. Thank you for the kind idea.

I would suggest that you ask the moderators whether this is "wrong," or how to talk about it here in a way that isn't "wrong."

Based on what I've seen the moderators tell other people with similar ongoing issues, I suspect it's okay for you to talk about it here as long as you don't create a whole lot of separate new threads on the same topic, but instead confine it to just one or two ongoing long threads in The Haven.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 08 Dec 2023, 10:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't have much advice to give, but things ending with Tsion hit me in a really similar way and it never really resides.

that is what the haven is for, any of us here would listen to you when you felt the need to talk to us.

Thank you. I appreciate your kindness.

^^^
you're welcome, and all of us here on "haven" want you to stick around and speak your mind.

Well, I had been able to find some peace for about three weeks, maybe less, when I felt enough compassion for him that I could see I was hurting him by begging him to stop hurting me, which was sometimes a barrage of emails because I was in so much pain I couldn't help it. But that moment simply passed. I am now back in unbearable pain and he hasn't sent me an email in 4 days and I have completely spiraled.

Worse, I'm at my sister's for the holidays which was supposed to be a respite, and it's not, it turns out, because I have leaned on her so much over the past nearly two years, talking to her on the phone every day, that she can't take it anymore. Today I woke up sobbing and have been crying all day, and although she is wonderful she just can't take it, and went to bed early with a migraine.

I don't know what to do anymore. This pain is permanent. It's been going on for nearly two years and it's only gotten worse, not better.