I’m Not Happy Living Here

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The people here can be mean, rude, uncaring & giving me orders, I’m soooo sick of this. I already had 3 meltdowns, 2 of them were big meltdowns. These people won’t listen to me, I have alot of pain in my feet, I have more pain in my feet. I fell down twice already, the first time I fell on my butt, I hurt it, my butt still hurts after one week, I can’t sit down for long, I been laying on my side, the second time I fell, I hurt my feet more, they are sooooo numb, it’s hurt more to walk, my shoulder hurts too. I been living in the group home for almost a month, I HATE IT here. These people are crazy! They think walking is the answer for everything, I can get so much n. Beumbness in my feet cuz of my Cerebral Palsy, I lost feelings in my legs too. It’s been soooo exhausted living here, mentally & physically, it takes alot of energy too. My social worker no help, I wish I have someone else that understand Autism. I don’t know how long I can live here without having a breakdown. There a woman here that have to be in a wheelchair & the other people not bad. I wish I have earplugs. I’m tired of crying.

I was recently hospitalized in an in-patient facility under an emergency order of detention. This is the third year in a row I have been detained under an order. Despite this, they just repeat the same methods that keep failing while doing nothing about the stressors that keep bringing me back.

In my experience, allistics just don't understand the experiences of autistic people. I know from research and just speaking to many therapists and case managers that none of them were trained to understand autistic people. At one point i signed up with Better Help, thinking that a digital platform that isn't limited by geography would make it easier to find a therapist that specializes in autism. But they had no option for autism and matched me based on my state. Psychiatrists think my depression is the core problem rather than a symptom, and keep prescribing me meds while failing to address the stresses that continue to whittle at me. I don't even get any disability benefits because the state can't understand why an able bodied adult with a master's degree is not fully employable.

That all sounds really s**t kitty

Any facility that you have to live in sucks and it's a big shock to your system. Your body doesn't know how to handle it but gradually the emotions will settle down. Their lack of consideration for you seems to be because they're overly structured with how they operate and they're more interested in ticking boxes at the end of a shift than personalised care. It's not because they have any bad blood against you and its important to remember that.

Each day your body will adjust that little bit better than the previous day and it'll become a bit less stressful over time. It's surprising what you can adjust too but you need to always remind them of your autism and the stressors that cause you anxiety. Over time they should hopefully understand.

I am very sorry to hear of your struggles in this group home, Kitty. It is not what you deserve.

Sending you hugs!

I really thought I could stay here longer, to save alot of money,I cannot stay cuz of my mental & physical health. I’m always in pain, cuz i can’t get comfortable, the bed is hard, sometimes the bed ok. There 6 people here, 4 people that live here & 2 staff, there always more people coming. I have to share a bathroom with 4 people, share the same bar of soap, I got my own hand soap, I also got hand sanitizer, they want me to share more things that are germy, I so freak out about touching stuff, I also use my own towel, I hate using a public toilet. The staff may clean, but the toilet has germs. This week, another person going live here, I’m getting a roommate, it bad enough I have to be forced to live here, my room is not big enough for 2 people & a cat, the other two rooms are big. At first they put me in a very big room, the room has it own bathroom , then they moved me into a small room. They wanted me to put my cat in her carrier again, they were taking out the other bed. Tomorrow I’m going to the SSI , they want me to put her in her carrier, they going clean the room, I probably have to put her in her carrier when my roommate showed up. What if my cat don’t like this person, when someone came in the bedroom today, my cat hiss at her. I’m thinking about dying, I want to die, I’m soooooo exhausted mentally & physically, I been sleeping more during the day.

Are you going to the SSI in the hopes that you can move to a different place, Kitty?

I wish I could help you

Yeah you're dealing with a lot Kitty

It sounds like torture that you are going through, Kitty.

I pray that you will receive some better fortune somewhere, soon.

Life can wear you down sometimes

I think you're doing really well Kitty (even though you might not realise it now)