So exhausted...

Post Reply New Topic

Hi all

I really need to vent and have chosen to do so here, as I cannot go to friends/family, they would misunderstand and I really need to just be allowed to say that it is all so much and so exhausting, without being told to either try harder or to be labelled.

(Just for clarity; I am not in any way in danger of $3lfh4rm or $uic!d3)

I am AuDHD, late dx, in severe burnout + C-PTSD (due to going through many years of higher education, high-stress job and loss of husband + sibling, without knowing I was autistic).

I am a single mom (widow) to the apple of my eye, and joy of my life, my AuDHD son (strong PDA and social anxiety due to being trans and not yet having been approved for starting hormones, so he gets very anxious around people). He is about to turn 18 years old next month and in my country that is when you become legal/adult.
And so, him becoming a legal adult, but still living at home and needing a lot of support (he has normal IQ but struggles a lot with executive dysfunction, which means I do everything in the house etc) means that there is SO much legal stuff I need to take care of. All of which is two-fold as there is all the legal/financial stuff and also the transitioning stuff. Both require an insane amount of paperwork, doctors appointments, psychiatric evaluations etc which are all extremely traumatic for my son to have to go through and causing so many delays and legal battles in an attempt to get the accomodations he needs.
And it is just never ending.. so many phonecalls, meetings, emails, legal forms to fill out and turn in, applications for a whole long list of financial aid and dispensations, guardianship, power of attorney and on and on and on...
Everything taking weeks or months to get a reply on, often just to be told to submit even further documents and forms and more phonecalls and more meetings.
I have already been spending what amounts to a full time job with all this, for the past 6 months and am still no where near done.
Nothing, as in not a single application or form, has gone though smoothly, everything turns out to need a further XYZ to be submitted or provided, which then takes another week or month or two, to go through, all the while I am constantly anxious and in overwhelm as our financial safety net is slowly slipping.
Even the mere formality of a permission-slip for us to keep a servicedog (which my son REALLY needs and has a right to by law) from our housing office, has now been denied and might end up in court. So now I have to deal with that on top of everything else...
I am just so tired... so indescribably exhausted... I am so drained mentally and physically, my body feels like lead.
But evey time I have tried to reach out or explain my situation, people go straight to solutions such as saying I should find placement for my son outside our home or they begin questionning if I am mentally unstable.
No one seems to understand how overwhelming all of this is- and that their proposed solutions would not only stress me even more, it would cause my son extreme harm.
I am just so.... tired.

I think that was it... thank you to anyone who made it through all my complaining

Well I couldn't read it all because I have to read these types of things in stages but I'm sensing your struggle

It's absolutely exhausting when you're on your own and I completely get that you can't just turn to people and spill it all out on them

There are plenty of people here who will absolutely get where you're coming from as well

Sorry I can't be of much use in the advice department but just know that you're not alone...you can always come here

Been there, done that.
Was an ALS caregiver while juggling a full time job.
Took long lunch hours to get her out of bed and feed her for a couple of months before she passed.
She preferred I do what I could rather than seeking outside help.

Welcome to WP.

First my condolences on the loss of your husband and sibling. Grief in itself is exhausting, but with all the extras you must be running below empty. Do you qualify for any type of Occupational Therapy or Social Work support for yourself given your CPTSD and AuDHD? Is there a respite program for parents with overaged dependents, especially if the parent has special needs?

I can relate because I've raised my kids alone for 27 years now since they were babies. Two are on the spectrum (one with OCD and the other ADHD as well as a permanent medical disability). They both have PTSD from violence. The third is adopted and has unmedicated ADHD, ODD, PDA, possible NPD, and he was a crack baby. The first two still live with me as overaged disabled dependents, and my son's GF is here nearly full-time as well doing PhD studies. We've spent more than 25 years in court with their father, and I've had to do all their funding and taxes and paperwork stuff on my own in addition to helping them with psychological services and whatnot. My mum is widowed with cancer and a broken hip. She's been in hospital for a month so I need to care for her every day too. At first she had really bad delirium and was going berserk.

I just want you to know you aren't alone and this is a very friendly LGBTQ-affirming place where you can come and unload when you've had a rough day.

Sending strength.

That sounds so incredibly tiring and stressful... I am so sorry you are experiencing those struggles, on top of grieving for the loss of loved ones ʕ´•ᴥ•`ʔ. Hang in there, give yourself grace--You are going through some really tough things. Your feelings are valid. You and your family are in my thoughts!