Passively suicidal

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I’m sick of how I can’t get a better job because i’m autistic. Interviews feel like i’m a prisoner making a plea to a parole board. I’m trying to convince a bunch of random strangers that I deserve an income. But just like a parole board, most employers say “no”.

Since I am not NT, if masking doesn’t work, i’ve been thinking it wouldn’t be so bad if I died. If I decide to end it, it would be in a way that would not interfere with others (e.g getting hit by vehicle). I want to at least be polite about it.

Dude, hang in there: https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/

I've been having a similar problem but find that working from home, online (as a translator or potentially as a researcher) helps since they can't see me and dismiss me based on my autism.

Hey, I can certainly understand some of this.

I am going through this kinda thing right now myself, with me imminently moving to a new state. I just gave up my old job, last day was yesterday. I am constantly feeling sick at my stomach, in combination with the whole moving far away thing from the only home I've ever known.

I've been applying at places, at least some of them I have been fully qualified for, and have not even been given an interview. I was fortunate with my last job that it wasn't even a formal interview I had, she just told me what she expected of someone (in terms of attendance and being on time) and I could tell her that I was great at both of those because it's true.

I am so scared. I left this job, this very stable job, of which the process wasn't even stressful. In my last job search which ended with that one, I received no calls, no interviews at all until that one. And let me tell you, I'm not even experienced with interviews, so if I end up with a seriously formal one, I'm super scared.

But it's like... I can't even get to that point. No one is calling me, no one is giving me interviews. I'm scared out of my mind. and I'm scared that when 1 out of the 100 positions I end up applying for give me an interview I'll mess it up.

So... yeah. I feel a lot of your pain here. I feel the frustration of the application and interview process the most. Perhaps I am fortunate that when I do get a job, the employer quickly sees my great work ethic and thus I've never been let go from a job. Jobs just have to give me a chance and they'll see. Please...

Anyway, both of us need to hang in there and we'll get our jobs eventually! So, hang in there, okay?

Maybe if I’m lucky, someone will take pity on me and i’ll get 4 hours a week stuffing envelopes. I can’t ever have a decent job and that bothers me.

There’s no point me living if I can’t have what NTs have.

I get angry knowing that social things don’t come naturally to me. In death, nothing matters anymore. I don’t believe in God anymore because why would a God make a defective human. So when I die, it’s just a black void of nothingness. It can’t come soon enough.

Hmmm, perhaps you could capitalise on the things you're good at. There are jobs, that only those who can survive without the constant need to blabber, can perform well:

https://www.iidc.indiana.edu/irca/artic ... drome.html

Last edited by Bestiola on 10 Jun 2024, 2:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Wouldn’t offing myself be easier than applying for 100 jobs and getting 100 rejections?

Well no

I think the answer to that would depend on how depressed you are feeling.

I don’t know whether death or life in prison is better at this point. I already feel like i’m in prison. I may have my freedom but don’t have the social skills to level up. So I’m stuck dependent on others.

My only hope is that I can mask 24/7 so I can build a career and an income. Then when I come home I would just unmask.

If that doesn’t happen, I’ll kill myself. Not going to piss 60+ more years of my life away for nothing.

Like i’ve said before, NT people don’t struggle.

Everyone struggles, some of us just struggle more.

NT’s don’t struggle with getting jobs. Their struggles are minimal. That’s why I wish I was NT.

Yeah, they certainly do struggle with finding work sometimes, and their struggles aren’t always minimal. Sometimes when folks are dealing with depression, it can be hard to see the difficulties that other people are experiencing.

Prove it.

What do you mean prove it? If you've interacted with other people before you've heard them describe struggles.

Of course, learning to listen to others is a valuable skill to develop especially if one wishes to learn to mask in an effective manner.

Redacted full names and addresses of NTs you know that struggle. I don’t believe in anything without evidence.

Last edited by FrostBender on 11 Jun 2024, 12:54 pm, edited 2 times in total.