How do I deal with bullies?

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I am not being bullied too much but there have been a few people who have bullied me before (a couple, in fact).

One person in my Engineering class sometimes feels the need to victimise me in the lessons, and has done this by sticking labels on my back saying "I have AIDS - run quickly" and physically provoking me. This has started to upset me recently and I am not quite sure how to deal with it. Although I have tried ignoring him, he still tries to annoy me in the most subtle ways. For instance, pretending to be friendly when finding a weakness to exploit. For instance, the label incident. I tried to ignore it at the time but it has started to upset me recently. (Bear in mind that I am getting an A-grade and he is getting an F.)

Another time is from a girl who has annoyed me before, and made me look insignificant in front of my peers. Often she has answered me back and argued against anything I say. (I'd rather put up with her than the boy above) If you want to see how, dig out the two topics "B1TCH" and "Girl who I shall not name, part II".

This has worried me a bit and I am concerned that it will interfere with my academic ability. This year at school is a very important year for me as it's my GCSEs (I am doing 14!), and I can't afford to downgrade. What I'd like to know is, how do I deal with this, what would be the most diplomatic solution (this means no retaliating or fighting) and are my ideas any good?

My idea is that I get help from Learning Support, so I can get the SENCO from there to speak to or e-mail the teacher who teaches the lesson in which the incident occurred, so they will pay a bit more attention. Then they can deal with the matter personally.

Also can anyone recommend any good websites or videos on bullying/teasing, particularly to Aspergers? It would be very helpful. Next year is the year I want to be worrying about revision and coursework, not idiots.

I tend to use ignorance or report them to a teacher. That's what I would do.

Who cares if they'll question you and say "why did you grass?" just say "you shouldn't of been tormenting me then"

Swearing usually backfires with me, because calling them a dick or a w*ker would provoke them to say "I least I got one" and "I least I can".

I think there's no point standing up to bullies, because I've tried and I've always got laughed at no matter how I hard I tried to stand up to them.

I do agree, because it always gets thrown back at me as well.

My dad and I had an interesting conversation about how to deal with it, and he said that if I pointed out his flaws, there would be some conscious control and they would think, "Well, whyam I saying this to Oliver?" But that may not be the case. It seems that television has painted the world black with cynicism and these people get behavioural traits from shows such as Eastenders or Big Brother.

People pick this behaviour up and think that it is OK to intimidate others for very trivial reasons, such as them being autistic or dyslexic, having a bigger nose or being slightly heavier than them.



The only problem with reporting them is, that the teacher may think "I didn't see it happen, so it didn't." Because of the 'give everybody a chance rule', the teacher will think that, regardless of whether the victim shows any genuine signs of distress, that they may not be true. What I've found is, that although teachers have spoken to the bully, that they still carry on, but in a more subtle way.

It was interesting to hear your view Alternative, and I understand how you feel. Maybe after this there'll be some more 'alternative' views. Thanks for your point.

Last edited by deep-techno on 20 Aug 2007, 3:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Also, Alternative, There's a really strict teacher who is the Senior Technician (he was trained in the army) so if I report bullying to him, that kid should get the punishment he deserves!

The only tactic I ever found to work sometimes was to completely ignore there antics, make no response whatsoever. I have to say it did take me a very long time learn to ignore my own anger and do just that. Sticking labels on peoples backs is extremely childish and maybe now I if it happened to me I would upon finding the note blow him a kiss (that all his friends could see) but I doubt I could of carried that one off when I wes a teenager.

Of course ignoring them annoys the bullies and one can only hope that it does not bring them to a point where it becomes violent, if it does or looks like it might then reporting this becomes necessary

I wish you all the best with resolving this problem, It is a very long time since I had to cope with bullies but it will be with me all my life and believe me I am on your side!

Sometimes sarcasm is useful. "Oh, isn't that sweet. You must like me," with a big smile. You must be tenacious though. They must see that they can't get to you. They will test your resolve.

Your very welcome Deep-Techno for the words of wisdom.

If I were you, I'd f**k the give everyone a chance rule and if I'd get kicked out, question the school by saying "I'm getting kicked out of school, just because I tried to stand up to some c**t who tried to ruin my life??"

That'd be good, the kid getting a right bollocking.

At a recent conference, Tony Attwood recommended this book.

‘Perfect Targets: Asperger’s Syndrome and Bullying’ by Rebekah Heinrichs


I would ask the school/college that you attend for information regarding their anti-bullying policy.

Good luck!

Helen

I think the guy getting F's is jealous of your academic success and is trying to put you down to make himself feel better. If he fails the class you won't have to put up with him much longer. The worse thing you can do is let him know he is getting to you, because that will encourage him to continue doing those things. When he does something like that again just laugh, and act like its no big deal.

I had to deal with that kind of nonsense for several years as well. No remedy I found- if I ignored, they would persist, and grow more cruel in their taunts, or else begin to steal my things. Reporting to a teacher only made it worse. Finally the others at my school grew out of that childish phase- and anyways they respect and are in awe of me now, because I surpass the lot of them combined in every class. This does not help with those proles at the bottom of the academic world, however, the best that can be done is wait 'till you're in classes more advanced than they would dare to take. In any case, four long years of such suffering hardened my own heart against such foolishness, and gave me thick and callous skin. I do not even notice now if someone mocks me behind my back or to my face- or if I do, it is of no consequence, let the proles have their childish ways. Rest in the comfort that ten years from now, you will be more successful and wealthier than they. They are base animals, a lower form of life; what they say or think should bear no import to those like us. Several of those who once taunted me worst of all are now my friends, now that they are more mature. So be patient, nothing will make the bullies disperse, but Time, whose swift passage carries all away.

I have been through one bad year during my senior year, involving this specific problem. Whenever I reported people picking on me in my classes, the staff who were in charge of clearing up this mess actually had me thrown into a psychological evaluation for hallucinating everything, and I basically endured two hours of good-cop/bad-cop with two counselors with NO QUALIFICATIONS to make a diagnosis of "paranoid schizophrenia".

Your best bet is to just beat them up. Screw being nice, as being nice just leads you to being picked on further. If you at least hit them hard, and they recognize you can actually fight back, they won't mess with you anymore. Of course, they will report you for that, so make sure you do it in front of some administrators, and it's blatantly apparent they threw the first punch.

Better yet, you can always try to get on team projects with them, and sabotage their work. Just remember not to leave a trace.

That's why I decided to put a lock on my bag at one point!

So if someone (most likely the first bully mentioned in my first post) looks at what I'm doing even though it's none of their business, should I carry on ignoring them, or should I pretend I'm doing something else?

After I came home (again) with a torn school uniform my parents took me to the nearest martial arts dojo and told me that they would be back three hours later. After a month or so I knew enough to look after myself but I kept on attending. The first bully after that got a broken nose and sometime later another bully ended up with a broken arm. After that the bullying stopped and I was left alone with my books.

Ed Almos

For me, I didn't do anything but try to ignore it when I was bullied, but then I moved so no one bullied me then. I guess it was because they didn't know me. All I can give you for advice is what everyone else is saying, ignore them. The teachers never help, the swears never help, neither does yelling (I found that out myself, backfired on me.)