Here is a list of things I miss out on and what I should do

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These are things I feel I miss out on and feel I ''should'' be doing by now as what I see ''normal'' people doing

1) being someone who has a large friend circle to go out with.

2) going out to wild parties and drunken nights out at a bar or club or on holiday e.g. in Benidorm

3) going to concerts

4) going abroad to a country I've never been to before, on my own or with friends.

5) being in a relationship

6) having a number of casual sexual encounters (one night stands)

7) being someone who wants to earn lots of money and set up a business despite having no what I do for a business and don't seem really interested in doing so.

8 ) having kids by this point of life despite not being ''ready'' for it, maybe not wanting my own child or being with someone to make that decision.

Some of these things I have done, I do like such as concerts and travelling as I like listening to music and seeing new places but I don't have people as friends who enjoy doing that stuff and I have only done these things with family which is good but they don't really like some of the music that I like and so I won't ask them to go with me to see it or even ask to drop me off to see them on my own. I hear from other people who have done these things on their own but it still won't motivate me to buy and book a single ticket and do these things on my own probably because I always saw people on social media or in real life doing these things with a friend or a group of friends.

I look at this stuff and think that despite having experienced some of these things with family and not much with friends like having once or twice going for a pub crawl and going to a nightclub once or twice and not really liked them, been to only two or three concerts, and been abroad to Amsterdam, Antwerp, Krakow, Rome, Berlin and recently Naples, I still feel as though there is a large chunk of experiences I haven't had and think that everyone else has all or done a lot of these things I mentioned and not looking back feeling they've missed out on things.

I feel the same way. The older I get, I'm 39, the more I've realized I missed out in my younger years.

But I do think I tried to do what you call "normal" things people do... let me explain..

1) I've had a large circle of friends. And while it was good for awhile, it took one crush on a female friend in the group (and unrequited love) for my friends to side with her when I expected neutrality. I did and said stuff I was not proud of and I learned that large groups of friends create extra burdens on us. We can only mask so far.

2) Wild parties? You didn't miss much. I went to too many trying to be popular enough to feel like I belonged. I jello wrestled naked (I'm <200lbs! that was not pretty), had a video circulate the college campus I was enrolled at (piggy versus babe!) and spent the last two years of my undergraduate career defending my decision to wrestle. I was 21 and the cops were called to the underage party and I was almost arrested for being above age at a party with underage drinking. It's dangerous to party.

3) Enjoy concerts! They are even better alone when you can stay in your own world and not have to worry about someones reactions to you. Unmask at a concert. It's liberating.

4) Travel alone if you have the executive functioning skills like I do. The greatest joy I have felt in my life wasn't marrying my spouse, it was when I traveled 1500 miles away from home by myself. Go to a different country alone. I hear they respect neurodivergency way better.

5) I'm married and at times wished I could undo it. While the physical intimacy and economical benefits exist as in being a couple, I found it be a challenge. I'm married to a NT and I have to mask 12 out of 14 waking hours I have. That stinks! I'm not the one to say your better without a relationship but my experience is if you can survive without one you'll be happier for it. I've been married for 10 years. feels like a 100

6) Casual encounters.... Ive had a couple. Twenty years later they now mean nothing to me.

7) You got to have motivation and follow through. I operate a business. It takes sooooo much work but I do have some money.

I have no children. I wanted them. My spouse and I (we're gay) tried IVF and spent $30 grand starting a family that never happened. at 40 I am super happy it didn't happen. If I have a child I would be so upset and emotionally wrecked if she were bullied in life like I was because of our autism. Autism runs in my family and I was the lucky recipient of the genetic lottery. I don't want to be retraumatized via my child's own bad treatment over her or his neurodivergency. I will forever love my unborn child enough not to put them through this world. Condemn me,,, it's okay... This is for me not for you but man, maybe look at the logical end. Children are costly and you want to make money. Children are a great way to see any money you make get gobbled up in the name of nurturing the next generation. There are enough neurotypicals out there to reproduce. There narrow minds are geared toward that. Our minds are more amazing than the breeders.

No offense to the wonderful people with autism with kids on here. This is my own misery.... We were unable to reproduce so I found wonderful reasons to quit trying and not passing down autism (when my wife failed to conceive and it was up to me.... yeah, right!).

So don't take heart. We missed out on a lot of pain the NTs were exposed to. We all have our own pains and regrets. Several NTs I know wished they were more interested in academics 20 years after getting their HS diplomas. I have post undergraduate accomplishments hahaha