At its worst, what was your depression like?

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I actually "faded out" a few times and then jumped up and ran around in panic, because I didn't want to retreat into my head and die! And I mean my soul dying... that's worse than physically dying! I had never understood why people committed suicide, but now I did! To save their souls! They didn't want to DIE-- that's impossible-- but they didn't want to live like taht either, because they wouldn't have lived anyway!


I also saw black holes... almost got sucked into some... it was hard to get out... had to run from them inside my head, find my eyes, look out, realize there's light outside of me that I can still have contact with... I loved running around outside in the boiling hot sun... one other depressive said "It's too hot to do that!" and I said to him how it got rid of my depression and suddenly he understood.


I had times when I couldn't get out of bed... the whole world was so dull and boring and depressing. Nobody could MAKE me go out in it and just walk around and be miserable just to please people I didn't care about... I finall got up for fun... my motivation has to be mine!

I had climbed this tall grain elevator as a kid. Ever time I walked by it I was fearful I would climb it and jump off. When I walk past it now I do not give it a second thought.

Like a dense, dark cloud of nothingness.

Like people won't let me live and every time that I try they beat me down. They even seek me out here to beat me down.

At it's worst, my depression actually led to a suicide attempt. I've been officially dead. I don't recommend it. After that, treatment finally got serious with doctors, therapists and so seeming to finally awaken to the fact that I really was that low. I just deeply regret it ever went so far. On he other hand my current diet/medication regimen has made me a more thoughtful, balanced, and not happier - but more content - soul, so I guess some good came out of the experience.

When tenth grade began I was discovering new talents within myself and getting along with people. I had all this energy, all this motivation. Then something happened to me which distracted me and ended by draining me of all my energy. For months I just kept lamenting this thing. But I kept up enough. So I just sucked at life again for a long long time.
One of these days I should share that story, but I doubt I ever will.

Suicidal

my depression at it's worst, I walk around like a ghost. Im not even there, I don't even consiosly think. the back of my mind takes over and leads me to where I need to be (if im at school or something). This happens when I know suicide isnt even going to work out.

Suicidal

At worst, I pretty much did anything that would kill me. Ate spoiled food, walked around in the rain, played doctor and almost got gangrene, smacked my head against walls and the floor. I'd drive out as far away as possible, get myself into very dangerous situations, and keep going back for more. Now that I think about it, I kinda miss that

I like your attitude, Maul. You challenged it and won.

I was taking risks too when I was depressed... I needed the stimulation to save my soul, even if I died physically while saving it! I went up to a paranoid schizo guy's room at the Y, I went on shopping sprees, I didn't do anything I didn't want to do...

The worst my depression has ever been lead me to attempt suicide. I wont give all the details but I am lucky that I am alive today.

My mood in general was very low, I would lye in bed all day and stare at the ceiling (literally). I wanted to escape from reality, which is why I tried to kill myself in the first place.