Being quiet so that people will eventually talk to me

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I seem to think that whenever I have something on my mind that I'm upset about or whatever, I do this thing where I won't say much of a word whether it be at home or at work. At the dinner table, when I get asked why I am being quiet, I won't say much until later on when everyone else has left the table or at other times of the day which in turn leaves an uncomfortable atmosphere for others because I'm not talking much and that then leaves me feeling like a ''bad person'' and thinking that I have annoyed and upset people. I remind myself of the talks between me and my mum's partner in which he has explained that he feels as though he is treated like an ''enemy'' because I won't always say much to him in the house except mum and then ends up thinking he has done something wrong to upset me when he hasn't and then tells me that mum tells him off despite not having done anything. It's happened again tonight because I've been overthinking about a lot of things in my head. They also sometimes explain that its frustrating and tiring because they have been at work all day and just want to relax and telling me to talk about these things earlier in the day that later on.

Its slightly different at work, because I can't be completely silent as I have to engage with customers and the staff sometimes but when I am quiet because internally I'm unhappy, I won't talk much with the staff and just get on and do my tasks or if we haven't got much to do, I'll go down the back of the shop tidying on my own while everyone else is at the other end. There are times when I excuse myself in the staff room even without asking to do so and a few times a few people have spoken to me in private about it but sometimes its hard to talk to them about personal issues than at home.

This is not the first time ,I have heard of Aspies in very similiar work / life situations....Even myself as I grew up .
Started associating with less desireable people in my quest to have friends .. Then as time passed, I started to analyze the characteristics of my so called friends. Wish to draw me into ( not good ) activities .. healthwise and physically .
So after a fashion, i thought it was better to read, and figure things out for a better future for myself and do things that led into better directions . Eventually as you might leave bad influences behind, they will try to draw you back. But independantly you very well make much better associations for people whom might notice your improvements , whatever direction they may go. Back when people went to coffee houses to socialize, I found some very good conversations, but spent much time listening...and made some timely connections. With people whom were moving in a similiar direction. . Sometimes it is better to go it alone ? than deal with others opinions of myself. As I made progress in life . all though it was slow .

My mindset still hasn't changed since last night and didn't say much at the dinner table and wouldn't clean up because I didn't want to give my nan silent treatment when she's been assisting with washing up in the kitchen.

Yes, growing up in my parents house...I pretty silent especially at the dinner table .but years past and having a brain such as mine , details of actual abuse when younger.Where able to be recalled generally instantly ... So one day at Turkey dinner it was allowed that I bring a friend . And that was it ,now the family thought it appropriate to engage me.
Verbally , And out it all came . Embarassed the entire rest of the family , with my exacting recalls of years of abusive stuff from the past. Serious stuff ,Needless to say the family never ever had another Thanksgiving dinner as family unit . First I wondered to be sad .. But all I had to do is recall the reasons why I opened my mouth .And in addition had pretty much already moved out of the House. Father pretty much was the only one whom had the absolute least blame.
Better families that you build from friends are out there, but it just may take some time. To locate them.

I don’t think you’re creating an uncomfortable situation or a bad person. If people are uncomfortable that is due to unfair expectations they have put on you to be something you’re not. They are responsible for their reactions. You being quiet isn’t harmful, they need to question themselves why they are uncomfortable with someone who is family being quiet around them. It’s a them problem, not a you problem. Same with your mom’s partner feeling like an enemy. As long as you have explained to him that you being quiet isn’t personal, it’s not your responsibility to fix his insecurities about feeling like an enemy.

I grew up in a similar family and the pressure to speak more was really thinly veiled pressure to act more neurotypical and was very harmful. Then I met my ex’s family and her cousin sat in the corner watching tv and didn’t speak to anyone. No one felt uncomfortable, everyone knew they were loved by this person, no one judged them. When they wanted to speak there were included in the conversation like they had been part of it the whole time, because they were just by virtue of being there. Hang in there and eventually you will find people who accept you.