Feel like life was "better" before marriage or kids

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chris1989
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04 Feb 2025, 10:46 am

I seem to feel as though it's rare now for anyone born between 1980 and 1997 who are still single and living a "free" life. I'm worried it will be worse decades from now because because I would imagine most Gen Xers are married and have kids and even have grandkids.



Rossall
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04 Feb 2025, 11:31 am

I was born in 1971 and don't have a relationship or kids. It doesn't bother me.


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chris1989
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04 Feb 2025, 1:05 pm

Rossall wrote:
I was born in 1971 and don't have a relationship or kids. It doesn't bother me.


Good for you. I just wish I wasn't as bothered by this pressure which is partly self imposed. No one has even asked me: when are you getting married? When are you having kids ? Etc except I keep remembering that day my dad expressed his concern of me now still with no partner and to really "knuckle down" and so I end up with this critical voice in my head that sounds like dad pressuring me.



Rossall
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04 Feb 2025, 1:18 pm

Don't get me wrong, I feel pressure from dad in his 'family book' which just lists the good things that he's done and airbrushes out all the bad stuff, mainly in my alcoholic self and older sister who has bad MS. My younger sister gets most of his attention, she has a good job, a husband and 2 kids. My father visits them regularly but never comes to see me. (not that I really want him here as he's not the easiest person to get on with). Personally I think he's got mild aspergers.


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babybird
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04 Feb 2025, 1:30 pm

I've never felt the pressure to be married or anything like that actually

Maybe it all depends on what kind of family you come from


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Rossall
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04 Feb 2025, 1:38 pm

babybird wrote:
I've never felt the pressure to be married or anything like that actually

Maybe it all depends on what kind of family you come from
Pushy parents can damage you as much emotionally as much as absent ones imo. My parents made me feel like self harming and commiting suicide at times in the past. My mums now dead and I keep my father at arms length for my own mental welfare.

Toxic positivity can F off.


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babybird
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04 Feb 2025, 2:08 pm

Yeah that's f****d up mate sorry that happened to you


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chris1989
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05 Feb 2025, 10:08 am

I compare myself sometimes because I remind myself that for most of my parents 20s and 30s they were in a relationship and had a house. They both got married in their mid/late 20s. Because I'm aware that I've been passing through these years without a relationship its probably seen in my dad's eyes that it is "not right" to be still single at 30+. Again I don't know if its because dad's of a different generation and is biased because of his experiences and projects them on me without sometimes realising I've got a condition.