My brother said something extremely hurtful.

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I was setting my computer back up in my room and needed a couple of power supplied from my brother's room. He was playing some dance music that I said I liked. I also said that I needed to cut down on it as I've already got enough music (Roughly 10GB worth). He asked whether I was going to listen to new music, and I replied by saying that I was happy with what I've got. Here's when the insults started.

He said something along the lines of "Well most people like to listen to new music, rather than listening to the same song over and over again". I said that I was just happy with what I have. Then it got worse.

He said "If you're just going to keep saying 'I do this. I'm autistic' then you're not going to get very far in life." Although he said he was tolerant of my AS and always has been, this doesn't seem like it. He also said "It's fine having academic achievements but you also need a personal life".

This really upset me because it made me feel like society treats autistics with minimal respect. It also give me the impression that I should be like everyone instead of being myself. I don't want to talk to my brother.

Comments appreciated.

That was uncalled for! You didn't even say it was because you were autistic! And does it annoy him? First he says it's bad to listen to the same music, then he says you yourself think ("know") it's bad and are using autism as an excuse? I would have smacked him!


But were you using some of his resources or something? That technical stuff is gibberish to me, sorry.

As an older Aspie, I have had to listen to comments like that for a long time. What it boils down to, is to ask yourself what pleases you, does not hurt others, and then do it. Your brother may have been trying to project his NT point of view onto your Aspie one. They do not understand. I myself, listen to songs over and over. If someone doesn't like it, they needn't listen! As for getting "far" in life, only you know how far you want to go, and where. Also, a lot of NT's see our assertions of being an Aspie or Autie as making excuses or asking for special treatment, instead of us simply stating the facts. And worse, they think that it is something we are choosing to focus on, instead of something that we are always struggling with on a day by day basis. The best thing to do, is to hold true to who you are, and try not to buy into what anyone else says, unless it makes you feel good about yourself. It hurts when it comes from family, because we want them to love and accept us. But it is very hard for people not on the spectrum to see our point of view.

Also, Nt's derive comfort from being like everyone else, and we derive comfort from things they don't understand. Hope that helps!

What he said was unfair and not true.

What's going on in his life? Maybe he just had a fight with someone and was in a bad mood and took it out on you? Still, lashing out at you is not on.

To make yourself feel better read this website:

http://home.att.net/~ascaris1/neurotypicality.html

If you remember some lines from this website, you can insult him back eg 'Oh you Neurotypicals. Most of you blindly follow trends and are such easy prey for ads. I pity your inability to think for yourself!'

Hmmm .... maybe I shouldn't be encouraging you to fight with your brother.

Tell him how insulted you felt. In fact can you get him to read this thread?

He might have been blindly lashing out and not realised how deeply he hurt you.

Regards
Helen

Here's another great article by Tony Attwood and Carol Gray. It describes the postive attributes of Asperger's.

http://www.thegraycenter.org/sectionsdetails.cfm?id=38

Helen

You can tell him some normal people listen to the same song over and over.



It's true though. My mother did that with a Eric Clapton song "Tears in Heaven" and Mary Stuart Masterson wouldn't stop playing that "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) on the set of Benny & Joon. She even asked for the song to be in the movie.

Thats horrible, my brother says nasty things like that to me too. Its just terrible to hear those sort of things from siblings. Don't worry what he says, do what you love, and don't worry what anybody else says. I think somebody once said "The people that matter are the ones that don't mind, and the people that mind are usually the ones that don't matter"

_________________
Being Normal Is Vastly Overrated

That was your brother's disfunctional immature way of saying I love you, can't you see that? Maybe I see it cause I am older.

I have a feeling that because my mum has said similar things in the past, that him and her are trying to teach me something like "This is what happens if you're different from everyone else".

I ended my conversation with my brother by saying "I can't believe that this argument stemmed from something as trivial as music!" He answered, "It's what'll happen though".

I know that you agree with what I said earlier, you know that they love you deeply. I know one thing about myself, yes, I might be weird and nerdy (to the rest of the planet that doesn't have autism), too quiet or withdrawn sometimes or too talkative other times, I have my tantrums like a toddler (if someone really tries me hard), I might seem different, but I feel peaceful and content always, we have the same feelings like they do, but we don't really like to talk about it too often, isn't it? I don't think that's wrong. Why do all the "robots" have to be the same? Everybody has to act like an animal, because I feel sometimes that people try so hard to look and act like each other, that it looks like a zoo with wild animals, that don't have any feelings or consideration for others (I am not saying that about your family, I am talking about school environments etc.). So much petty talk and nothing really gets done, just a lot of whinni9ng and bitching about absolutely nothing and it gets tiring and annoying (when I say annoying, to me it's not annoyance, it is something more complex, I can't function and I go into "fight or flight" when your body releases all kinds of "goodies" and you can actually get sick, like have a seizure). Competition, the stupid competition to have the biggest ass house, the most annoying car, etc. the loudest mouth, the biggest bling-bling, the biggest boobs, the most boyfriends, to have sex with everybody you can and run, competition should be left only for the Olympics...don't you think? Maybe you can explain them that that's the way you feel peaceful, that you like to think a lot and that there is no reason for them to freak out, because it's hurting you seeing them unhappy and worried. You have to chose your moment carefully (when nobody is too excited, like maybe after the Thanksgiving dinner, when everybody goes into that sort of coma from eating too much turkey and pie , they are just still dealing with finding out that you have AS (even if it has been a few years since they found out) and because it is regarded as a "disease", they are afraid that they are going to lose you. I am so glad (in a way, because I miss them deeply) that I am far away from my family, because they could have not put up with what happened with me in the marriage and stuff, I never told them anything. I told them I was pregnant a few days before I had the baby, I told them I was divorced when I was divorced for ? many years, because I knew that they would freak out, I can't find out a better word. But my family is in another country. A proof that we autistic people can do good on our own is me, I came here, to USA, all alone and I have been surviving pretty good, raising a child by myself also. So find the moment to talk to them, just assure them that you don't have something like cancer, where your days are numbered sometimes, it is just that you have more routines and you like peace more than other people and things that matter a lot to them don't really matter so much to you, maybe, you know, this kind of thing. They might get emotional, like tears and stuff, but just say how you feel and assure them that you are OK, because I have a feeling that YOU ARE OK, they are just dealing with something that's hard to understand, maybe they don't understand how can you be happy if you are "sick"? I know that you are happy in your world. I am in my own world, too and I can say that I feel pretty happy. It is hard to let others come in my world, but when they do, they are happy with me, too. I do have friends that are in the "real" world, but they understand mine, too. I do have a hard time understanding theirs, sometimes, like the going out at the screaming clubs, bars, dirty restaurants that serve yukkkyyyy food that makes you sick when you come back home, after you had to put up with the waitress that gives you those fake smiles and asks you a million times if everything is OK, when in reaklity she just wants you out of there, so she can make the next tip, social events with a bunch of people that stear at you for no reason, people dressing fancy or putting on a bunch of make up, that makes them look like clowns to me, dying their hairs in colors that hurt my brain, strangers talking loud on the cell phone, fighting in public while they are on the cell phone (that makes me get into a tantrum and panic, I am not saying that I am right for getting like that, but how come that I can talk softly and not abnoxious and they can't) going to family gatherings where everybody teases each other instead of getting along and enjoying the babies and the kids and the old people that are not going to be around long etc. I think that we are the ones that have common sense, I don't want to sound arrogant... So just find the right moment, when everybody is around and just sit down and talk to them about how it makes you feel to get attacked with no reason and tell them that you are content and happy just the way you are. And maybe they would stop being worried and just understand that you are OK and there is no reason to obsess over it. Life will get better, you will get more independance when you move a little away from them. You can have your own peaceful friends, you can lock yourself in your place if you feel like it, listen to your old stuff, shut the phone off for a while etc. And the biggest thing that you should not do, don't shut them up, either, just keep repeating to yourself that they act "mean" and insensitive sometimes because they are scared. That's all. Good luck!! ! Love, Elena.

its not so bad.


at least your younger sister has never screamed at you and told you "WHY DONT YOU JUST DIE?!"

theyre fed up with all my s**t sometimes.

i hope you feel a bit better now.

things like this tend to get better when living in different places,not always,but the seperation can make sisters/brothers good friends after spending all their lives fighting,insulting,bullying etc.

Your brother sounds like a right w*ker.