I feel like a mess lately

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Every day I have an overwhelming feeling of tiredness and loneliness. I don't have any friends or acquaintances in any of my classes until the end of the day, and by then I'm worn out. When I do speak in my last class, I feel really loud and obnoxious, but I can't control the urge to act out, and I feel like I'm humiliating myself for others' amusement.

When I have spare time I don't feel any motivation to get my work done, whether I'm at home or in a study hall. I suppose this was exacerbated by my new history teacher, who gave us two assignments and then let half-a-dozen people come into class the next day having done the "wrong" one (me included).

I want to meet new people, but I have trouble figuring out who I should try to approach. I barely know anyone, and there's nobody whom I feel that I really like as I did last year.

Even if there was somebody I wanted to approach, I have a very large sense that they won't like me and/or think that I'm too weird. Hell, about a year ago someone told me that I don't have friends because I'm too much of a "dick-head". At a later time I tried writing a long, thought-out note to someone I liked, but never got any kind of response at all. I don't know how much energy I can devote to trying to make friends with people who hate / are indifferent to me.

Since school started I haven't walked out of my house for reasons other than school for almost a month. All summer I would take a few hours to walk to the mall, stroll downtown, or trek through the power lines. Now I'm stuck indoors during my free time feeling trapped and very sorry for myself.

Can anyone recommend some sort of remedy - rituals, substances, or anything?

Recently, I got myself a sketch pad and some pens.
There's a coffee shop that I will go to on a certain day at the same time.
I bring my 'art supplies', my iPod & headphones, my hoodie and a cap (to block out the rest of the world).

I see the same girls at the counter and they smile real nice, and say hello real nice.
I do the same, order my coffee and something to eat with it (something relatively cheap like a day-old pastry sometimes), then I go sit at one of a few tables I've decided I prefer to sit at (I gave myself options instead of being stuck on just ONE table which might be taken when I get there).

I set up my pens and sketch pad, put on m tunes, pull my hoodie up (my cap is already on), and proceed to make sketches of whatever comes to mind.
I'm no artist, I have never had an art lesson and I'm only drawing for the physical/emotional release, so I don't really care what they look like... to a point. If I see I have something interesting going on with the drawing, I will concentrate more on what's happening.

Even though I 'block out' the world, I'm still aware of things going on around me. It's just that the stimulation is less from around me.
I've had opportunity to explain what the pens were to someone who noticed them and said they did art but did not recognize the brand/type of pens I use.

I've looked up to see someone glancing my way and I get to give them a 'friendly' smile and return to my work.

I tend to sway and rock when in this mode, sometimes I vocalize things (not too loudly I think), so I'm sure some folks wonder if I'm some homeless, insane, bum who just walked in off the steet.
But when I am not drawing, or when I get up to do something (get a glass of water, get the key to the bathroom, etc,), I pull off the hoodie and headphones and I feel like folks can then see I'm otherwise a pretty normal kinda guy.

DAMMIT! I should have stopped with ...Recently, I ....

Sorry for the long 'all about me' post.

Basically, I found that I feel a bit more a part 'of the scene' when I go to that coffee house or another one in the college-town where I can get wifi and do my homework (much in the same manner as above),

It feels inclusive for me in some strange sort of way.

That's all I can offer you for the moment. Hope you find something that helps cheer you up... without being destructive to yourself, that is.

Do you have coffee houses or a McD's where you live.
You don't have to draw. Maybe write. I also write stories to reflect my feelings when they are really intense and I have no other outlet.

The one other thing that pops into my mind is the thing I get suggested to me quite often... GET A PET!
If you get a dog, you get to walk with it, play with it, but it will let you have your own time alone( once it gets used to you and/or you train it to).

I'm trying to capture some wild kittens and their mom in my backyard. The kittens I'm thinking of adopting, the mom I just want to get her a checkup and 'fixed' so she doesn't keep having kittens.

Ah, don't hold back. I'll take anything I can get.

I actually do have a dog, but the big problem is having to share her with the rest of my family. I have maybe an hour or two after school where I can be alone and wander around the house as I please.

I know there's a coffee shop in the downtown area, but I haven't checked it out. There's also one in the Borders at the mall. I'm just not sure if I'd know when to go. My parents make me take a cell phone everywhere so they can check up on me, and since I don't have a car, if I stay out too late they won't let me walk home in the dark, but I really want some time away from them.

I'm not sure if I should be blocking out the world, though, more than I am. I'm stuck in my room most of the time listening to music on the computer. I'm racking my brain trying to think of just what it is that I want, but I'm coming up with nothing. I just feel like there's something big that I need that's missing.

When I speak of blocking out the world with my headphones/hoodie and such, it's not the same as when I shut myself up in my house or at work.

I am getting myself out into public, and I occasionally run into situations where I can interact with folks.
I am limiting the amount of contact either because of the physical measures I take, or because I am probably looked at as 'unapproachable' because of my 'antics'.

To me, it's just getting out of the house that helps, and winding up in a public space with other people around creates a sense of socialization for me.

I should probably mention here that there are times when I can start up conversations with complete strangers. Some of these go well, some do not.

Our situations are probably quite different in that I am 47, divorcing and I have a 14yo daughter. I have been out in society for many years now, working with folks quite closely at times.

But in personal social settings, I do not feel comfortable. Out in public, I can let a certain part of my self interact with almost anyone, but it's not like I'm making friends who will be hanging around me outside of that short, structured contact we are having. There are no expectations that we have to continue this or re-connect later on. This is my safety net, so-to-speak.

If you are finding yourself ensconced in your home and feeling uncomfortable about it, perhaps the next logical step is to just go out and be 'among the people'.
Whether it's a coffee shop or the Borders (which my daughter and I camp out at fairly often ) at your mall, you might find a place to sit and do something of interest to you and have a few small opportunities to interact with folks.

I know you are looking for people with whom you can 'connect' and socialize on your own terms.
I'd like to experience moments like that more often also.
It really is a matter of finding a way out of the house and spending even just an hour or so somewhere else.

Can you volunteer at a library, hospital or something similar, even one day a week for a little bit of time?

Take the library for example... maybe they need a volunteer to restock books on the shelves.

It's a solitary job that has you in contact with the public every once-in-a-while if someone asks you where to find a book or something.
I think that could give a person a sense not only of being out in public, but of being able to help someone. Someone needs help and you are just the person to provide it, even if it is by saying, "You need a book on Art? Go to section 700.".




Are you in High School? College?
From what I have seen, some Aspies do not relate well with other's their same age or supposed peer grouping.
Maybe whatever interests you in your life is also of interest to someone else, just not in the setting you normally find yourself, i.e. school, home.

I'm a junior in high school. There are people I see that I think I could get along with and would like to meet, but the prospect of approaching them scares me. Further, the only people who ever seem to approach me are part of the extroverted "in-crowd", and that would be fine if I wanted to put up with the raunchy humor and the rude conversations about just about anyone I've ever liked. Outside of school, I've found that I'm even less likely to find people my own age with whom I can relate.

Let's try something else here...

What are your tastes in:
Music
Art
Literature
Food
Transportation (cars, aircraft, trains)
Architecture
Mechanical devices
Cultures
and whatever else you come up with?

Also, as far as maturity, intellect, and physical prowess, how would you rate yourself compared to the other Juniors at your school?

I figure if we concentrate on your strengths and understand which group of people you fit in with best, a clearer picture of your 'world' may come out.

See that's your problem. High schoolers are idiots. But like Wsmac mentioned above, find a "usual" place to go. I have my own place that I go get tea and sit outside. I've never made conversation with other patrons, but I've had short chats with the cute girls behind the counter.

Sorry if I'm being uncooperative. This is a recurring problem and I want it to stop.

I answered as well as I could.

Music - Orchestral, New Wave
Art - Scenic paintings
Literature - Humor
Food - Sushi
Transportation - Trains
Cultures - The 1980s

Compared to other Juniors, I feel like I'm above average (but not advanced) in intelligence and maturity and about average in physical prowess.

Sorry I took so long getting back.

How are you feeling today? Better?

Like I said above, perhaps hanging out with other teenagers is not what fits best for you.
Your interests seem fine, and if you find yourself to be a bit above average than other Juniors, perhaps you should be looking outside that group for people to associate with.

Since all I can give you are suggestions, I'm not sure if I can be of much help.
There are different ways to interact with folks, and different places to do such.
You have to find out what's available in your town, within your means of travel and time constraints.

If you come across something good, please let us know here!
We'll be interested in hearing about it!

I'm feeling a bit less sad, thanks.

I think I might start walking to the coffee shop after school once or twice a week and maybe just sit around there for a few hours.

I'm not going to completely give up on people my own age, though. There are one or two I've known for a long time and still get along with pretty well. It's just a matter of finding the right people.

Thanks a lot.

Not to be disrespectful or anything, but what's so bad about being in the house for long periods of time? I almost never go out, except to go to school (i.e. college) and on Wednesday evening to my chess club (most of which is spent in silence of course). In fact, I love being alone with my books and music. Besides, my imagination is quite vivid, so I'm almost never bored. "Hello, Mr Bach, shall we dance..." Get yourself a nice hobby that you can do at home, like reading or woodworking; it edifies the mind and drives away all those melancholic humours.

Some people like the idea of getting out and not being lonely, thats why they dont like being inside at all times dddhgg. But like all of us, acting on this idea only births new problems and worsens current ones.