alone and hurting (trust, and lying to ur self)

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So u let go, force ur self past the pain and the fear.
Open the walls and trust agen it is not perfect, u don’t except it to last forever.
He hurts you but u believe him when he says u are over reacting,
Believe he means what he says, not what he dose
Over the years u learn to just think of it as how he acts,
Not some reflection of how little he cares.
Then the day comes, with little care, and less though.
u are tossed aside without even an explanation.
The lies come crashing in and u look at what u let him do.
The days he made u fret, the hour’s u blamed ur self for the way u were being treated

How can I ever let my self trust, when I always chose the people who really don’t care
My predilection for men who are dominant and controlling is probably the reason
But I need to feel that to find release, so what are my options, constant neglect, and lies
Or being alone forever more?

Can I ever feel safe, can I ever feel alive,
why can I not find some one who wont lie to me
some one who I could let those last few walls down with

after this I am note sure I will ever be able to let any one of my walls down agen

more importantly why do I want to call him

if i was in your shoes, i would beat that (cencor) to a bleeding pulp. its sickening just to read this, and i sure hope theres a special place in my rotten armpits waiting for that bastard. as for why you coped with it, all i can say is that love makes blind. dont blame yourself. hes the bad guy, not you.

secondly, if you need a friend or a listener, feel free to message me on the MSN network
[email protected]

hope you find peace, and best of luck in the future

Lived through a bit of the same...I'm sorry.

Trust? I don't know...haven't answered that myself, don't know if I can ever do it again...don't know if I ever want to. I'm thinking it might be possible, but I'm not sure I'm ready right now.

I've built my walls too...and I've built them well.

Time makes it easier...I'm finding alone isn't as bad as I first thought it was...you do what you want, when you want, and you don't have to worry every day as to "what next?"..."what did I do now?"...when you haven't done anything to begin with.

Don't blame yourself....you want to call because it's like an addiction...you start living for the good times after awhile, you try to ignore the bad...sometimes you ignore them so well you aren't even aware of the life they've sucked out of you...until hopefully you get a chance to reclaim it.

It gets better, really it does...but it takes time.

Don't blame yourself. Guys like this are experts in using manipulation and deceit to keep their cycle of abuse going. There are plenty of other guys out there who are decent and truly caring. You don't have to choose between being alone/single forever or having another bad relationship - that's just another lie from abusive guys. Take care of yourself and stay safe.