When part of you dies, does it all come back?

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Ana54
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25 Oct 2007, 3:23 pm

Have you ever felt like part of you died and will be dead forever, and you know thaqt for certain,but after that, you feel like it's come back so everything is fine?



Tim_Tex
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25 Oct 2007, 3:28 pm

I have felt like that before.

Tim


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Helsinger
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25 Oct 2007, 4:04 pm

No.



iceb
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25 Oct 2007, 4:10 pm

When I had my big mental flip out 18 years ago there were times I thought it had all gone but now it is all come back to me, with interest :)


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Spot17
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25 Oct 2007, 4:30 pm

Yes. After leaving my ex I worried that a large part of my personality had died. After years of suppressing parts of myself, I didn't think I'd ever be the same as before. I'm seeing now (about a year and a half later) that I'm much more resilient than I thought. I can't say that I will ever be the exact same person, but those parts of me that I thought were "dead" are coming back. If anything, I think I'm going to be better and stronger and wiser than I was before.



Joybob
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25 Oct 2007, 4:53 pm

Vast percentages of myself have been dead for a long time now. I do not expect them to come back to life.



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26 Oct 2007, 2:01 am

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CockneyRebel
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26 Oct 2007, 7:32 am

When I was sixteen, I became a hippie, and I was all "God, America and Apple Pie." I gave up on London and everything that was associated with that wonderful city. I've even turned against England. I was at the bottom of the Food Chain. I was broken, in my dad's eyes. Why would such scum continue to be an Anglophile? When I was starting College, at the age of eighteen, I've decided that enough was enough. I was going to rebel against the reason that my dad insisted that I go into the Adult Special Education Work Experience programme. I've felt the need to distract me from my archaic reality, so I've decided to daydream about London, one September morning. That's when my obsession with London came back, twice as strong as it was, before.


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Ana54
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26 Oct 2007, 11:58 am

That was an interesting story, CR, but I meant part of your soul, not your personality or memories... and Spot17, did you mean your personality or YOU? :)



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26 Oct 2007, 12:52 pm

Ana54 wrote:
That was an interesting story, CR, but I meant part of your soul, not your personality or memories... and Spot17, did you mean your personality or YOU? :)


I'm talking about both. I felt like I was a shell of a person. My personality is what makes me who I am. I feel like a whole person again with my own likes, dislikes, beliefs, dreams, etc.. Most of that went into hibernation because of the ridicule heaped upon me by my ex whenever I liked, disliked, believed, or dreamed about something he didn't agree with. I was with him for 12 years.

He's been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder - BPDs tend to have that effect on their significant others. He has made significant changes since the diagnosis but I wouldn't have been able to heal if I hadn't left him. I think eventually a huge part of me would have permanently died.



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26 Oct 2007, 5:02 pm

I feel like my personality has to be part of my soul, because it definitely can't all be caused by where I was born or who I've been around. And to answer the question... yeah, parts of it have died permanently. I used to be a lot nicer, a lot more patient, a lot more of a lot of things. But I don't regret any part of who I am right now. I'm not always the most pleasant person to be, but if I had the same (more approachable) beliefs and tendencies (and looks, even) that I used to, would I be as interesting? No. To me, anyway. And since I'm the one who I'm always stuck with in the end, I think that counts for a lot, whatever I had to go through before.


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26 Oct 2007, 5:06 pm

My brain does that.


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28 Oct 2007, 12:12 pm

Ana54 wrote:
Have you ever felt like part of you died and will be dead forever, and you know thaqt for certain,but after that, you feel like it's come back so everything is fine?


No everytime part of my personality dissapear it's gone forever and I feel myself get even more hollow.. The trouble is, i suspect that i'm the one slowly "killing" off parts of myself because I find it easier to be hollow then to deal with joy, feelings, desires, ect. Of course I can't be quite sure in my suspesion cause maybe I never had the personality traits in question to begin with... you see I also suspect that my memory is not at all accurate and that it "remembers" things way different than they were if at all...

I am convinced however that i was once able to feel joy or at least contentment (i've seen pictures where my smile looks real)... being hollow sucks!


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Spot17
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28 Oct 2007, 2:22 pm

ZenPlz wrote:
No everytime part of my personality dissapear it's gone forever and I feel myself get even more hollow.. The trouble is, i suspect that i'm the one slowly "killing" off parts of myself because I find it easier to be hollow then to deal with joy, feelings, desires, ect. Of course I can't be quite sure in my suspesion cause maybe I never had the personality traits in question to begin with... you see I also suspect that my memory is not at all accurate and that it "remembers" things way different than they were if at all...

I am convinced however that i was once able to feel joy or at least contentment (i've seen pictures where my smile looks real)... being hollow sucks!


That sounds like depression. Have you thought about seeing a therapist or trying meds? When I had to put my cat down, I felt like that. I honestly wouldn't have cared if a bus hit me. I didn't feel anything at all, just a gaping hollowness. I was too apathetic to even attempt suicide.

Don't allow yourself to keep feeling like this. You do have control over it; go talk to someone who can help you.



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28 Oct 2007, 2:47 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
When I was sixteen, I became a hippie, and I was all "God, America and Apple Pie." I gave up on London and everything that was associated with that wonderful city. I've even turned against England. I was at the bottom of the Food Chain. I was broken, in my dad's eyes. Why would such scum continue to be an Anglophile? When I was starting College, at the age of eighteen, I've decided that enough was enough. I was going to rebel against the reason that my dad insisted that I go into the Adult Special Education Work Experience programme. I've felt the need to distract me from my archaic reality, so I've decided to daydream about London, one September morning. That's when my obsession with London came back, twice as strong as it was, before.


Best to carry on day-dreaming about London and not actually see the reality, its in the same place it was in the 60s, but its a differant city, and its not very nice.



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29 Oct 2007, 9:27 am

Nope. Not yet for me though.

I don't feel genuinely happy.

I've accepted that.

And all I've gotta do is learn to cope and live with it. Because frankly, I don't think it will ever disappear in my case. Because, my life was f****d up by Fate. ;)