no rites of passage

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There is this lousy dumb thing that eats at me from time to time. I would like to twist it around and look at it in a better light so that it would not eat at me so badly.
It seems like people in society...all different cultures seem to take "rites of passage" really seriously...and sometimes I get a little blue because i haven't really had any...

I never learned to drive...
I have bad issues with losing my virginity..so that when it happened as an teenager it was really more depressing than anything...
i never went to prom...or anything like that...
never graduated from high school (GED)...or college...
I don't believe I am capable of having children (probably a good thing for them)
and I will most likely never marry...

The only things remotely resmbling "rites of passage" that I have to look forward to are losing loved ones...and menopause...and I am depressing myself even more, just thinking about it.

Anywhoo....

I guess on the bright side, it keeps me young...but really I am not young..and i keep getting older.

blah...

so that is what I am feeling gloomy about today...

"Rites of Passage" are strictly arbitrary. Just because it's defined as society doesn't mean it has to be your right of passage.

Taking it one at a time:

I never learned to drive...
With the price of gas these days, you're probably lucky. Besides, it just means there are fewer strangers out to kill you.

I have bad issues with losing my virginity..so that when it happened as an teenager it was really more depressing than anything...
well, but that was then, and this is now, and unless you're really angry about it, or if you were abused (which needs professional help) then put it behind you and enjoy sex.

i never went to prom...or anything like that...
Oooooh can't help you there, love, no one ever asked me either. I survived. But the girls I dated (and they were numerous) were more interested in a different kind of dancing. (I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be offensive, and if I am, you have my profound apology)


never graduated from high school (GED)...or college...
Never too late to go back to school. As a matter of fact, youth is wasted on the young. You'll enjoy it now that you a little older.

I don't believe I am capable of having children (probably a good thing for them)
and maybe a good thing for you. There are lots of worries you don't have. Speaking as one with a kid....well, enough said.

and I will most likely never marry...
Never say never.

And besides, aren't you the one with the voice and the delivery like Janis Joplin? I thought I caught a post of you where you were singing. If that was you, you've got a FANTASTIC voice. Be happy. Keep singing!

None of those modern-day "rites of passage" even sounds very interesting. A vision quest? Now that sounds like a rite of passage (I just read Dogsong, the 1985 YA novel by Gary Paulsen, a very good book about a young man's rite of passage through the Arctic tundra). Losing one's virginity or going to prom (even if they occur on the same night) does not make one an adult or a more interesting or worthwhile person. Driving can be more convenient, but that's all. I get on that "everyone else is having kids" thing once in a while, but, people who do have children may envy all my freedom- not realizing it's not my choice. But I can choose to relish my freedom, and I do.
I hope this was somewhat encouraging.

Yeah..the rites of passage I listed were pretty lame and not ones that I really care about...(esp. the prom one...what was I thinking?
I am just feeling sorry for myself....
I tried to live away from my hometown for the first time in my life as a "rite of passage" last year...that is slightly more up my alley...that was sorta a disaster too...

I think rites of passage are very important for a man. If your serious about it you can read some Robert Bly. There's very important stuff there despite his detractors. To the best of my knowledge you can not create something from nothing. You must have a base of experiences, be it physical or only in the mind, (where most of us live), to build a life upon. If they weren't so important I don't think you'd be asking about them.

I think rites of passage are important for a person.

I have a similar, if not as extreme, list, but as I've grown. . . it's like I've been able to fix a lot of the things that were broken by not having rites of passage.

I didn't go to any proms, despite that I was asked to both of mine and another my sophmore year.
By the time I graduated from HS, I felt so burned out and dissolusioned that I wouldn't have crossed the stage had my grandmother not come from thousands of miles away. The people who were supposedly celebrating my accomplishments didn't even notice, when I cut off my waist length hair to my chin, till we had eaten a meal and a half together. .
And though I did graduate, for a variety of reasons, it really wasn't an accomplishment, for me. I had nightmares about it.

I don't actually remember the first voluntary time I had sex. . . I know that it was bad, and that it was on a Wednesday. Don't ask.
This one ends up depressing for quite a lot of people, though, so don't feel alone. .

There were no senior pictures; no homecoming, no yearbooks my last two years- I did have one, but I gave it to a friend who couldn't afford it. .
I wasn't in it, really, and would have felt silly asking strangers to sign it anyway.

Also, a number of rites of passage specific to Mormonism, I missed out on. . and that bothered me a lot, at the time. For my 12th birthday, for example, we moved away from my friends- which I actually had. . we had cake, which I don't like, as a family. . and they gave me a lamp. . . perhaps I just hadn't caught on to the idea that 12 didn't matter so much if you weren't a boy? Or that you didn't matter so much if you weren't a boy. .

Of course, it seems like whining, to talk about this- my family didn't celebrate my birthday to my satisfaction, how dare they.

But I do think these things matter, as much as the structure and the idea of the events and developments they represent matter to whatever person is (or isn't) at the center of them.


I believe in. . sort of reliving things better- and I know from experience that this can really fix it.

On my eighteenth birthday, I gave blood without crying- and I'd been so terrified of needles as a child that even at the age of twelve I had to be held down for shots. .
It was victorious. . a symbol of growth and independence for myself, so much that it didn't matter that others didn't really celebrate.

On my twenty first birthday, I did a very, difficult hike- the one that's known for being hard around here, if somewhat atainable to normal humans. At the summit, I howled at the sky; silly, I know, but that's me, for you. . . and it was all so beautiful, and triumphant, it was hard to resist. .
When I returned home, both feet bleeding from bad shoes, I found that all my closest local friends had almost spontaniously assembled for dinner- I'd only called two of them- and were getting along beautifully. . with my family, as well. . . I can't describe how strange that is. .
And I knew all of them so well that it was comfortable for me to be in the room with all of them, which was amazing and wonderful. .

And that made up for a lot of other birthdays, where, say, people didn't remember, or something. . .

So I believe things can be fixed. . not that it's always easy, or that it can always be arranged. .

One of my sisters didn't go to prom, and she just went to a fundraising ball at a local art museum with her husband- her HS crush- a couple of years ago- and said she had the same sort of experience.

Right now I'm attending community college with the express intent with doing-better the horrible experience I had in HS. . . and it's worked pretty well.

If it's any consolation, all those things apply to me except college, which I just started. I tried to learn to drive, and got anxiety attacks and stopped. I get along poorly with people, so I've never been on a date let alone lost my virginity (which makes marriage a daunting prospect for me). I never went to a prom, though this is something I didn't want to do anyway (I hate crowds and parties).

! A rite of passage is really a personal thing. THey are landmarks of accomplishments in one's life. What about the ukelele? Not everyone can play one of those or even has a clue how to. Not to mention, I have never seen more amazing sock monkeys than on FluffTV. Those critters are small glimpses into a very imaginative mind. Small steps forward are still in the right direction.

You can create your own rites of passage

I never went to the prom. I'm still a virgin. I do have an Associate's degree (whee). I'm 50. I've been on the outside looking in for so long that I don't feel comfortable trying to get in anymore. I used to get pissed if I did something I thought was really neat and no one went "wow" over it. Not anymore. My rite of passage was leaving rites of passage behind. The best rite of passage you can give yourself is to get your GED and celebrate with a banana split. Extra syrup and three cherries.

there is no law that states u have to follow all those traditions.
i am still a virgin (i am 22 currently)
i have not learnt to drive yet (i am epileptic so it is best i don't)
i went to the school formal (prom) on my own. there was a traditional debutante ball at school (traditional thing where girls are presented to society, does not have any real meaning today) which i skipped. since i was on the school trip to europe (lucky me)
I may or may not have kids or get married. dunno.
have never dated(not comfortable with it)
anyway there are other rites of passage, like overseas travel and things like that, your first job. So just go for your dreams. your accomplishments can be your own rights of passage.
all in all, u should obey the advice of my neurologist, do what makes u happy.

I feel like that too albeit worries may vary from country to country, gender or class. On the other side, western society's "rites of passages" in general barely deserves the name - no scars, no hunting, no mistery! So maybe "epiphany" is the only thing left...

"The word's secular usage may owe some of its popularity to James Joyce (...) referring to those times in his life when something became manifest, a deep realisation (...). Joyce also used epiphany as a literary device within each short story of his collection Dubliners (1914) as his protagonists came to sudden recognitions that changed their view of themselves or their social condition and often sparking a reversal or change of heart"
(from Wikipedia)