Really Alone and Depressed right now...

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When I moved back to taupo, I thought I could find the job I wanted, that I would eventually find the love of my life and live happily ever and so on...

It seems like I'm the only Aspie in this entire f*****g town, I used to be so open about my condition but people here are so ignorant, and a few even told me I don't seem like an Aspie!! I feel so angry.

I realised that the reason I went away to "upskill" and get a job in office work is not because I would be happy in such a position and life would be perfect, but really because my Dad said something that to me meant he was not proud of me and I want him to be proud of me.

I can't get such a job here because business is so insular, They always go for the person with the most experience and shy away from things they don't understand. I can't get the job I thought I wanted here.

I'm not happy here. I need to leave Taupo. If I stay here I think I'll die inside.



I want to go somewhere (in Taupo) where there are many Aspies, hopefully like me. I want to find employers and friends who understand what Asperger's Syndrome is. I want to stop feeling like it's me against "the others". I want to find a form of career that *I* want, as much myself as possible, making use of my high intellect instead of letting it waste away in the shadows.


I feel like I've run out of the scream inside. and maybe that drink I had to help me over the sadness is wearing off.

i'm sorry about your dad. i hope you feel better and find your magical land filled with Aspies and candy, wherever that may be.

keep screaming when you need to. people can hear you.

I kinda feel the same way, I only know one aspie who lives remotely near me, and I have also had an ignorant try to tell me that I'm not an aspie, I looked at him and asked if he were a psychologist, he said he wasn't and I proceeded to tell him that he then has no real say as to who is or isin't an aspie,
I was diagnosed in 3rd grade.
Ugh... the ignorance of people...

Hi from a fellow kiwi, I know how hard it can be here and how easy it is to feel isolated and alone.

Unfortunately NZ also seems to be about 10 steps behind everyone else, I'm thinking of setting up a support group in CHCH, NZ sometime soon. Maybe you could do the same in your area, there are more people like you out there, who do not know where to turn - could just put add in local paper, with email to see if any other people interested in group meeting, walk or activity...

Ahaseurus2000 your quote below:
"It seems like I'm the only Aspie in this entire f***ing town, I used to be so open about my condition but people here are so ignorant, and a few even told me I don't seem like an Aspie!! I feel so angry."

I can so relate to, because I'm good at playing the part for the NT's "I live in their world, but play in mine" the word locally is " I do not have aspergers, its all for attention" great lot of support, but your right they are just ignorant, but I have decided its there problem and will try my best to educate them. But in NZ at times it feels like trying to build a solid foundation with ice (as much as I try it melts..)

You really need to start to do something, otherwise to easy to get depressed. Employment now thats a hard one, I also have not worked since being in NZ, but were others reasons for that. But NZ does tend to be a little insular.

It may be an idea to contact in NZ:
Equal Employment Opportunities Trust
PO Box 12929
Penrose
Auckland
New Zealand
Phone: 64 9 525 3023
Fax: 64 9 525 7076
www.eeotrust.org.nz

They may have some good suggetsions, and/or contacts for your area...

Ahaseurus2000, maybe next you should move to Cape Cod, where username88 is going to use his apartment (he will probably get one) as an Aspie house; MADDuck is doing the same thing in Houston. Can you get to any of those places?

Taupo is a very small town - I live in NZ.

My son has a diagnosis - his doctor put in referral to "life links" - they assessed my son's needs by getting him to establish goals in relation to what he wanted to do with his life - he was allocated 5 hours life skills support each week from a mentor who specialises in helping people with aspergers. My son was supported to attended polytech, tutors were educated about aspergers, he was able to claim a benefit and living support and education costs - because the nz govt. are interested creating equal opportunities.
My son now works 40 hours a week - he lives in a flat - he seems to like his job - he is off antidepressants and seems to be coping well. His mentor helped him find an employer who was prepared to employ someone with a 'disablity' - his employer has been educated about aspergers, his workmates have been educated about aspergers - my son has the right supports to help him to cope in life. He still meets his mentor each week.

All these interventions were put in place when the diagnosis of made.

Prior to the diagnosis my son was unemployed - suicidal - addicted to alchohol and sniffing propane.

The help is there in there in New Zealand - you have to have someone who can help you to access it.
Feel free to pm me - I might be able to help make some links.

I've been feeling alot better since I had this rant!

I do suffer from depression and anxiety disorder, and sometimes my mood can turn very black.

I had contacted the Supported Employment Agency, they know I have Asperger's Syndrome. Our agreement was that I would focus on replying to Newspaper Adverts while they would take care of door-knocking. That was 2 months ago.

I feel scared about running my own business. I think about it, the thoughts that come to mind involve having to manage and be responsible for balancing the books, other employees, filling out forms for tax and other stuff, meeting and dealing with customers, etc. I feel VERY daunted and overwhelmed by the idea and my anxiety hits the roof.

I've thought about my difficulties more rationally, and I have realized that I have very little current experience in the kind of work I'm seeking.

The idea of finding work that uses my intellect came from a counselling session for depression. I've been seeking work involving Office Admin or computing because I thought I would enjoy that kind of work. Now I realise I was wrong - My interests in computing are limited to the Internet and Games, and I only enjoyed office admin before because it was at my Father's workplace - it impressed him, and garnered his approval! Even if I got an office job now it may not feel good because my father won't be there to express pride. I need a line of work that *I* want for myself and only *myself*.

I've been going through some books on asperger's (again) perhaps to reassure myself that I'm an OK kind of Guy (which is already true). Also I've got a book out on finding work and working out one's Dream Job. I will use it to plan the ideal career for me and with a future look to restudy.

Some thought's I've had include looking at moving to one of the following centres: Hamilton, Wellington, Auckland, Rotorua, Tauranga. The last three are where I have family close by (though not always functional). I would prefer the place that has the best support in place for people with AS, where I can meet other people with AS or people who can be understanding of AS, and where there are a sufficient range of oppurtunities for someone like me.

I've also wondered about an organisation called work-wise, and wether they could help me.


On Another Note: I seem to feel this strong urge to tell people that I have Asperger's Syndrome and I feel uncomfortable when I don't. Usually I feel it when they talk to me. I don't have friends, I think I don't feel the urge to reciprocate socially, I still feel lonely and "desperate" even with or after meeting someone who would call me their friend. I do feel like talking very intimately with attractive women who talk to me, even if it's just friendly talk by a store clerk! I've never had a relationship or a sexual encounter, but I have a strong desire for sex and physical intimacy / affection. One may say I daydream of when I could have a partner who understands AS, how it affects me and is empathic / sympathetic, and is also physically affectionate with me, including sex!


Whoa!! I feel very drained, of energy and emotion after writing all that. I think I've said alot here and given myself alot to think about. Released a burden of sorts.

Ana54, where is Cape Cod? is it in New Zealand?

Lucy1, it's fantastic that your son has the support he needs and that his life has gotten better. You have my compassion and emotional support. When I am ready I'll PM you.


My Thanks to everyone who has contributed, I cannot measure my appreciation. Please continue contributing your ideas, as I would love to hear them.

Hi Ahaseurus2000,

I'm in a similar situation to you. I'm unemployed and have very little work experience in any area. I'm thinking about going back to university to study something that may help me find an interesting job. I already have a degree but it's in an area which isn't really useful for any particular job. I can sympathise with wanting to impress or make relatives proud especially parents. I went to Korea to teach English last December as I wanted to show people that I could be independant. I realise know I did this because I didn't think I could get any work in Ireland. I didn't realise my mum didn't want me to go at all. I only found out about this after I had a meltdown in July and had to go home at short notice.

I don't know your dad but I'm sure he just wants you to be happy. Its nice to hear you're feeling a little better. It can be very bleak when all our worries and anxieties build up and we have no one to share them with.