how i am doing

Post Reply New Topic

I have not been on WP very much lately...I seem to have lost all track of time...I didn't even realise until today that Starbuline had died....that is horrible....yikes......

I am still with Flakey...it is difficult to get out of a 5 year long relationship with someone you love, even if they have been cheating on you.

Now I have 2 places to live. I have a small apartment over a business that is just about to open called "That 70's Shop" ...I am also supposed to work there...and I am sorta deading that....there is another possibly aspie girl who works there.....but I have not spoken to her yet because i am scared...which is kinda dumb.....she is young and is one of the best friends of the girl that Flakey was sleeping with.....so that is why I am intimidated by her.....

We are down the street from a bar and that is kinda bad news because Flakey really likes to drink...and there is no stopping him once he gets started...so uh....likesay for instance...last night we were pretty out of control and I left him at the bar and walked home and he wound up sleeping someplace else and I don't know where he is. I spoke to him brifly around 7 this morning and found out that he is alright...but no word after that.

Um....i guess he will turn up eventually.....

He can be really wreckless and impulsive at times......

I guess all I can do in my current situation is sorta change the defininition of my relationship with him.....I am intertwined with this crazy foolish juvenile man...but i am not his keeper....it is hard......

He thinks he can make everything all better by buying me a new koa wood ukulele...I say to him..you do not need to buy me a new ukulele...just be nice to me....and whatnot....
Or at least let me pick the thing out myself....


We also found out recently that SHFL is being sold and torn down for condos....

We have until the end of January....we are trying to find a new location..but everything is so expensive.....and we are still so disorganised.

All of life is transient.....I just have to get used to it....I keep myself in a little box alot of the time...and it is hard to break out of it when I need to.

I hope Flakey is ok...i don't even care if he is off someplace sleeping with someone....I just want him to be alright and to take better care of himself.

All i can do is emotionally take a step back and mantain my usefulness....
Today i rode my bike all the way from my apartment to SHFL....to feed the cats and take out the trash....and make sure the place is locked up.

Now I have to go and help paint the 70's shop....

I have to mantain a flexible peacful blank slate of a mind...and practice not going inot ocd loops.

There is another lady who hangs around and helps out at the 70's shop who is very AS-like. Her cousin has a son with high-functioning autism...I mentioned WP and my tendancies to her....a few people have...so she is always referring to me as an "autistic person"
She talks almost constantly....I don't ....I feel very rigid and cardboard like....most of the time when I am talking to other people....I don't mind her constant chit-chat and she seems to understand my quietness...so that is good.....

i like you; you seem really creative! nice to meet you; my name's Mike. It sounds like you're doing alright; i am too...

mike george

ps check out my aspie music sometime, k?

http://www.myspace.com/mikegeorgemusic

Can I call you that. You sing like that. You've got talent. You've got character. Will you for God sake cheer up. If yer man does you wrong, do what Franki did. Well, no, don't. But There must be something that'll take you out of this funk!

Honest to God. You've probably got an awful lot to offer. So offer it to some guy who will offer you something in return besides grief!

I'm probably not much help, but you're too on the ball to be so down!

RES
(pm me if you're really down)

i'm glad you're still doing ok.

i dont like that he couldnt even stumble home....... i dont know what i would do

im not too good about keeping myself out of unfruitful things... but i still wonder about this guy.

im not too clear what all SHFL does... but i know renting space sucks anywhere you go.

dont want to jinx things, but if it looks like you cant find a place to keep SHFL running... i would try to branch out career-wise.

i wish i had the balls to do so... maybe i would be able to get myself out of my craphole.

but you shouldnt have to be this guy's keeper. i hope he does wake up and realize who really cares about him and how he is treating them

I hope things improve for you, and that you go on the path that you're the most comfortable with.

Tim

I just read this book called "Why Men Marry b*****s" by Sherry Argov. Despite the title, it is really about attracting love and respect that endures, and not allowing men to treat you like s**t, when you clearly don't deserve it.

know that i feel for you. i just want you to be happy. I never understand relationships of others because things always seem cut and dried to me. People's relationships are so complex. You know what you can live with and what makes you truly happy. but please, dont lose yourself.

Ooohhh, I'm almost in tears reading yer post.

You lost Super Happy Fun Land??

As for Flakey, in my opinion, he doesn't deserve you.

When I was younger I was in a relationship with a woman who was prolly bi-polar. She'd tell me she loved me, but she HAD to go out to a pub EVERY night, and usually got quite drunk. When she drank, she also got quite belligerant. Then I was verbally and sometimes physically abused. Finally enough people told me how awful this was, and I understood I was better off without her....

Flakey turned up..he was ok... he was sleeping at a house nearby...phone turned off....I didn't get mad at him or anything...There seemed to be no point....of course it was annoying....

We still really get along really well despite all of the crazyness....

I am still not able to to talk to the other Aspie girl...we slouch nervously past eachother

um...and the traffic outside my window at my new house is going to take some getting used to....by brain has to process and identify every little sound and sounds seem to travel from very far away......it is a symphony from the traffic to the minute repetative tinking of the ceiling fan chains....
There is a mysterious tiny room behind my new bed more-or-less a crawlspace with a door and lightswitch....i will send flakey there when he is bad.

Glad to hear you are surviving this "crazyness". You sound similar to me. Through all the mad times, for whatever reason, I remain somewhat intact. There is very little point in being angry at people for what they have been, are or have become. There is very little point in reacting to a decision that has already been made, as you do not have the power to change those things. It makes no sense to get all raveled up in other's madness, unless it is directly affecting you and even then, it makes good sense to show constant support (of the other's needs) rather than forcing them to feel guilt or shame for their decisions/behaviour.

What will be, will be. You will find your way in all of this, someway, somehow. And, in the meantime, take alot of deep breaths, keep your cool and you will remain the "bigger guy". You will be better for it.

I have always given the appearance of a "doormat" when responding to other's, but really, in the end, I know that I "come out on top".

I have always felt that love is not something one should have to survive...but that does not mean I have managed to save myself from the madness. *sigh*

One thing I found incredibly helpful for the added push (I so desperately needed), was to tell everyone of how I was being treated and then it suddenly became so crystal clear that, not only would I appear insane if I chose to stay, but it gave me the "voice inside my head" that I was lacking saying "ok, enough is enough". My boundary issues are far too great to even set them for myself, most times.

You're making your own path...that's good.

The 70's shop sounds fun...like something I would have a blast with myself...I know it's change, and boy do we hate change right? But it REALLY sounds like it could be a good change...and now you have your own space too...be sure to make it yours ...sharing is fine, just put your personal stamp on it and make it home, your home. Have fun with it.

I've had a knack for choosing men that thrived on attempting self-destruction and making stupid choices...just remember...you can offer input, you can offer advice...it's okay to worry, and it's okay to care...but you can't prevent someone from making the choices that they do and sometimes suffering from the resulting consequences of those choices. You can just be smart enough not to follow in their footsteps down the same road...or give yourself a guilt trip when or if they hit the pavement face first. Life is a learning process...some go about learning it harder than others though.

Enjoy the things or people that make you happy and take it day by day...that's all anyone can do really anyways.

Glad you posted, was wondering how you've been.

{{Hugs}}

Ughhh...hate traffic noise! Had that at my parents when we moved back in the 80's...never did get completely used to it, but it gets better.

Secret room!! Had little rooms similar to that for storage under the eaves in the upstairs in the house I grew up in...loved them when I was a kid..used to hide there.

He sounds like a complete waster and not the person for you. It doesn't matter though - it's not my life.

You're too good for him.

Sid :O)

He is not a complete waster..he is a good person who sometimes does bad things. I am capable of telling the difference...he is one of the least wasterly people I have dated.....

We are great as creative partners....We are great as friends....He is sometimes impulsive and gets obsessed with things that can send him down some crazy paths...(and when he gets obsessed with things there is just no stopping him)..and the whole adultery thing was really traumatic and difficult to deal with, but I have processed most of it through my system for the most part....maybe it is mind-blindness and naivete on my part...but...um....yeah..

at least I have my own space now...and the support of my parents...and some actual friends (who are not Flakey)
Now we are gearing up for the moving of SHFL to a new location....as yet undisclosed...I found an old carniceria/corner store that is up for lease....it is totally big enough and has lots of parking space....Not too far form SHFL's current location....so my fingers are crossed.....

I am spread kinda thin between the 70's shop and SHFL....Right now I am at SHFL getting ready for another show...I am supposed to perform for the Grand Opening on Thursday...um....I am still supposed to flyer for the event...tomorrow morning...yeeeeee.......and shows every night at SHFL...and the obligation to help out at the 70's shop...but no time in which to do it....

It's all a growing experience...