Worried about Relapse

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Hey all, I am rather new here, I read a lot through the forums but don't post much cause I can't think of anything to add.

A few months ago I took an overdose of sleeping pills on campus at university. I woke up in hospital, felt okay, talked to a social worker, got put into therapy (still seeing this nice lady every week) and felt like everything would be sorted.

But I can't help thinking that my next episode is just around the corner. It consumes me, I feel like I'm split between a hatred and love of myself and the world, between the rational intellectual side of me and the unpredictable emotional side.

I try to socialise more to feel better about myself, but I just become exhausted and annoyed with people. Even when good things happen (recently placed second at the uni poetry comp) they seem so fleeting, I can't imagine a future with me in a relationship, let alone with a family and career.

I guess I think too much (I do try to slow that down). Ah I'm so tired

LIFE IS HARD...yet, the only thing you can really control in this life is your own mental attitude.

If you take care of yourself and do all the things that you must do to keep it in control so that it doesn't control you, you can
live a happy, productive life.

The Apostle Paul believed that having joy or misery all depends on how you look at things in life...we can see the bright side or look for the clouds. His advice was, " Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable...if anything is excellent or praiseworthy...think about those things."

YOU CAN BE AS HAPPY AS YOU DECIDE TO BE.

I used to be kind of like that when I was in my early twenties. My family gave me so much stress that I had to do something to escape it.

If socializing doesn't make you happy, try focusing your time and energy on something that does. Do you know what's causing your stress? Maybe you could try to reduce or eliminate that part of your life. If that's not possible, you could try different ways to deal with it until something works.

I know exactly how that feels, becuase I was just struggling with that the past few months. Thinking too much. The conflict between the rational side you see yourself as, and this other person that is out of control. And when the emotional side takes over you think, I'm being forced to be someone I'm not.

And even when you feel ok for the moment, the thoughts hit you.

Zsazsa, no offense, but to someone going through genuinely hard times, that's a load of bs. Not that it is never true, but that there are time's when its not.Of course encouragement is needed, talking about the positive, but you have to say tangible things. Simply saying, life is good you can be happy if you want to turns the fault of the unhappiness onto the sufferer. If it were that simple, don't you think we would have decided to be happy a long time ago?

Of course you should be happy if you can, but it is not simply a matter of the will. It is a matter of the will in this: you have to make choices to DO things differently, which will change your thought processes. You cannot simply change your thought processes becuase you want to. But you CAN make choices that will lead to stability. Sometimes you have to make radical changes.

To weep for what we cannot have gets no one very far
A pity to miss all the fun while searching for a star.
He is wise who takes what each day brings
And somehow makes the best of things.

this is a poem that i have posted up by my computer to remind me that i sometimes need to just try to stay happy. i know exactly how you feel, and sometimes it doesn't even seem like getting out of bed in the morning is going to be worth it. there seem to be so few happy things...but when i do get one of those happy moments now, i try to hold onto it, and the feeling it gives me...and no, i'm not going to tell you that it helps all the time, or that i always manage to hang onto the 'happy'. i am finding that it isn't easy. but i remind myself that i just have to keep taking things one day at a time, and i am sure that the 'happy' will become more frequent (well, it eventually will have to balance out with the 'bad', right?) i completely understand about being emotional (i tend to act/react based on them constantly!) and about the thinking too much. would be nice if the brain had an on/off switch sometimes, eh?
so just hang in there, i know it isn't easy, and hey, if you need someone to talk to, i'm around. so are all the wonderful people here.
*hugs*

thanks for even replying guys, must be annoying to read thread after thread of people moaning about their lives.

sometimes you can't control your mental attitude though. I've been on off again with therapy for a long time and it is hard to 'snap out of it' and alter your thought patterns so positive stuff comes in more often. I tried happy pills, but it is like being tricked into a very shallow and meaningless happiness, that is more bone crushing sameness than anything, instead of truely gaining it. I've tried drinking, poetry, novels, partying, thinking, feeling.
I become overwhelmed all the time.

Still, I think if things gradually improve and i dont become a hysterical hermit in the next few years, I should be better.
Ah, I don't know...

Just take things one day at a time...change doesn't happen over night. Attempt to do little things that bring you joy and happiness...and see how much your confidence in yourself will grow.

Good luck!

hey its all good now.

thought you might like to know.

These bad things are usually fleeting

Hey that's cool that you came back and let us know!

It's hard sitting around wondering how someone is doing.

I didn't post earlier, but I'm glad so many did.

That's another thing I like about this place!

oh I'm just watching out for my fellow alien