A Nairin Rant

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Okay, I'd like to keep a lot of this private, but I have to talk a bit. So this is going to be kind of non-descriptive.

Things are messing up in the world and a lot of things that were important in my life are going away. I don't want them to go - I've become dependant. I'll miss them.

I'm trying to find a way to stop this... to change what is to come... But what if it doesn't work?

One thing that's going away was the only reason that I'm happy. What if I stop smiling and can never be happy again? Everything that makes me happy might not work anymore...

I wish that this was easier to understand.

I wish that my happiness didn't have to go away.

I wish...

I wish... That wishing could do anything.

I'm afraid that if this happens that I'd hurt myself. I don't want to, but I'm afraid that it'd happen.

If this happens... then I want to be as far away as possible from the world.

Sorry for ranting. Please don't worry too much about me...

Wow. That really WAS non-descriptive. I didn't know what you were talking about enough to respond...it's not that I don't want to try to help, and I assume everyone else on the site feels the same. I just don't know enough about your situation to answer you, but I really hope things don't go as badly as you're afraid they will.

You did say you were afraid you'd never be happy again...I can tell you that this will not be permanant. You will come across something else that makes you happy, even if you do lose the thing you're worried about losing.

I'll keep a good thought for you. I'm so sorry to hear you're experiencing so much loss at one time; that really sucks.

All I can tell you is that no matter how bad things seem or how much everything hurts, seconds keep ticking by. I know it is cliche, but remember when you were younger and something awful happened and now whatever it was isn't still destroying you? Even if you hurt yourself (as long as it isn't terminal) that will go away too.

I remember depression, feeling naked and alone, not being able to break free of the cage I was trapped in, so maybe you're not the only one. And it got better for me, so I hope it will get better for you too.

Everything that made me happy went away. I felt empty and cold and tired. I also felt curious about what was coming next. It took a while, but I'm finding new things that make me happy.

Sorry that I was so non-descriptive... I'm more secretive than I seem at first.

But thank you all for trying to help.