Sometimes "help" becomes more of a hinderance

Post Reply New Topic

The other day, me, my best friend and his ex-girlfriend who thinks we're friends went to my usual tea place that I've been going to for over a year.

My best friend told her I found the girl at the counter attractive (she's my usual barista when I go there). So she went and got a cardboard sleeve and a pen and started writing my number so I would give it to her. I told her I wouldn't, so she threatened to, and I said not to (I didn't think she would, because she's threatened stuff like this before).

But....she did.....and to make things worse, she even drew dinosaurs on the cardboard sleeve. Talk about embarrassing.
And now it feels like my usual place, my one escape from the world, has been tainted and it'll never be the same.

I went there the next day (which was yesterday), and she said hi to me by name and basically told me she was taken, but she'd like to hang out or something, so I said "yeah." She hasn't called me yet, and I don't think she ever will. My best friend says something like "she put the ball in your court, you have to say something." This doesn't make sense to me, because she already has my phone number. If she actually wanted to hang out, wouldn't she call me? Or is this another one of those unwritten social rules I know nothing about? Besides, she never even told me her name.

So, I'm afraid that if I keep going in there, all I'll think is "Yep, she doesn't like me. This is awkward. She never called, and never will." So I guess it's kind of like this ... It was that place I could go to escape from the house and not worry about things like relationships or my parents arguing about money. Now it just doesn't feel right that there's more than that "usual customer/barista" type of relationship, so it doesn't really feel like a real escape anymore.
I'm so rattled over this, and I feel stupid about it.

Wow! That's a GREAT sign that she said she wanted to hang out. Had you ever talked to her before, anout anything but "tea"?

Also, don't feel stupid.

Think of it like this... you flattered someone. She probably is happy to see you because it makes her feel good to know that someone is interested in her.

Also... just ask her name. You can even say something like, "Sorry... I forgot your name," as if you had asked for it before, or just say, "I'm.... (name), by the way." And then she will say her name.

People have to lied to me about that more times than I can count on my fingers.


She's commented on my shirts a couple times...but I've had total strangers do that before.

That's why people comment on your shirt. . is to start a conversation, it's rarely about the shirt, it's about the conversation. total strangers commenting on your shirt are people trying to get your attention in a friendly hopefully non threatening way to talk about something that means very little in the scheme of things, but just provides opportunity to connect.

you obviously have something other's seem to value in your being that they want to connect with. They are probably disappointed that you didn't think them worthy.

I know, I have had to have that pounded into me for decades, (and I still don't understand why they wanted to talk about my clothes! )

but it is a GOOD sign!

I feel the same way; in spite of their intentions, people seem very willing to overstep their boundaries.

However, in this situation, it seems to have worked out for the best.

BTW, Sinsboldly, I absolutely love your signature. Did you make that up?

no, I can't claim it as my own, but I love to share a good thought!

Use it freely!


Merle

I wouldn't say so...I still haven't gotten a call or anything.