Feh...

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I've been in a state of deep depression since November.

Was going to attempt suicide, but thought about it more and reconsidered.

Sadly I'm not out of the woods yet. Each day of living is a great struggle. Struggling just causes internal pain and emotional instability.

I take naps during the day, wishing I don't wake up.

I've gotten to the point where no amount of counseling will help me.

I don't want to kill myself, but honestly, why should I keep living like this?

Is there any help or support you can get from parents or a doctor because you shouldnt have to feel this way its hard for me to reply to this as i dont know what to suggest but i dont think suicide will help all i can reccomend is trying to get help from somebody which isnt always easy if you dont have anybody to understand you or there to help,

I hope you get through this time and hopefully become more happier,

I know that feeling, that very same pain.
Do not remove yourself, If you need someone to talk to I'll be more than happy to listen,
I am sorry that you feel that way though,

But even if there looks like there is no hope in sight, remember that there is always a way to prevail, and I know you have it in you, :3 It's a power everyone has,
You may PM me if you wish,

Feel free to PM me anytime also hope you feel better,

Exactly, and you don't have to. Triumphing over depression is a very individual process, you just need to get to the source of your negative thoughts and go from there. You said that counseling can't help you. This might not be true. Therapy is only as good as you make it. Keep your thoughts open to your counselor's advice. This is your life you're talking about. Take care of yourself.

You shouldn't keep living like that ... start living differently.

Your blog doesn't give anyone a clue that you're depressed (and neither does your avatar).

What would need to change for the depression to go away?

First of all...I'd like to say thank you for reconsidering you decision and NOT killing yourself. That was a GREAT choice that you made.

Are you currently taking anti-depressants? If you are..then maybe they are not the right type for you, or not at the right dose. If you are not taking any, then maybe you need to.

You say councelling is not doing anything for you. Well, it could actually be the councellor at fault, not you. Sometimes councellors at patients just never get anywhere together and you need to just get a different councellor, one who does understand you.

I think that you should consider those options [about anti-depressants and councelling].

Good luck, I hope you get over this depression, as I know from personal experience...it is not nice.

I haven't taken anything since I was poisoned by Paxil. I was never suicidal until I started taking it. I quit meds soon after that. I'm not going back.


I should have clarified. I'm not seeing a counselor right now. I had a very bad experience with my last one. I'm afraid it will happen again.


See my explanations.


Thanks.

If I posted this on my blog, the negative stereotype of autism would only be reinforced.


World peace, maybe.

I don't think you have the sole responsibility to preserve a positive aspect of autism. Everyone gets sad at times.

a supermodel eh?

World Peace is not only unachievable but I'm not sure it would be as good a thing as everyone claims. Peace (as in not war) doesn't mean that there's no opression, it just means that they aren't fighting back.

Suicide is not about wanting to die, it is about wanting to escape pain.

I have a friend who went the herbal route for her depression. It made it less severe and able to cope.

Did all this really start with Paxil, or was there an incident? Besides the many that come along with being AS already? What was life like before Paxil?

yeah, the fun thing about anti-depressants is that "being suicidal" is actually kind of a medium place to be depression-wise. so lots of people are WAY more depressed than that, when they start medication, already so emotionally numb, that when they start to get a little happier, that actually elevates them to the level of suicidal.

i have been known to say, "don't worry, i'm way too depressed to commit suicide today."

so it sucks that you are at that limbo place where you can feel it all more... not numb enough to be safe in apathy, not happy enough to safe there either.

i hope you can find some thoughts to hold onto and distract you, and that a good surprise is around the corner in your future and that you will find it.

Life was happy.

Don't know why I was given it to begin with. The psych was an idiot.

I wrote a letter to my dad trying to explain how I feel.

Don't know what will come of it...

This sounds awful. How long have you been off the meds? I cannot believe some quack rx’d you something like that if you weren’t depressed. What were you in counseling for if life was happy?

Meds should only be used for a chemical imbalance.

Keep coming back here and talking.

We want you to stick around.. see?

Have you been doing anything with music lately?
Does that bring you up or down usually?