NTs put you on the spot, lie and don't tell all of the truth

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Why is it that NTs feel a need to lie? I am worn out from lies from NTs. I am worn out from my husband lying to me and then believing that "not telling me the truth" or "not telling me everything" that impacts US, is NOT lying.

I absolutely hate NT mentality.

With everything we are going through, we have a friend who is trying to help us. I have talked to him on the phone various times. Today I arrive home, and my husband says hi, and then dials his phone and gives me the phone...when I ask him who it is, he says it's the guy that's helping us. I talk to the guy, and then when I hang up, I ask my husband why he didn't tell me that he was calling him and why he instead felt it was ok to just call someone and hand me the phone without fair warning. His reposponse? "Well, maybe you wouldn't want to talk to him, so I thought I'd just call him and give you the phone..."

WHAT THE HECK??? Then he gets upset because I'm being unreasonable...It is the same attitude from other NTs that has pushed me to the edge! They push and make mistakes and lie...or don't tell you the truth...and then when I become angry, I am to blame for "becoming angry!"...

Is it just me or are they outrageously unreasonable???

I feel like I am going to lose it at this point...major meltdown is not even the begining!
If it weren't for my son, I would tell them all where to go and disappear from the face of the earth! I feel that I am about to lose it because of all these NT attitudes...

Your husband didn't lie to you. He didn't say anything untrue.

What he did do though was treat you with disrespect, which rightly hurt your feelings. No-one likes to feel that their spouse doesn't respect them.

In my opinion - which you are free to ignore if you prefer - you are justified in being upset. However, he probably doesn't realise that what he did would upset you, and didn't intend to disrespect you. So your 'job' is to teach him not to do it again, by telling him how much it upset you, and asking him not to spring a surprise like that on you again.

Amen to that! I have to keep telling myself that every day.

I think I've gotten to the point where I'm just tired of fighting. No one is true to their word, everyone lies or stretches the truth, and no one ever means what they say or says what they mean, and I'm the bad guy because I get pissed off about it. How hard it is to be honest and straightforward??? I'm so tired.

Thanks to both replies...You know, he is the sweetest person in the world...but when it comes to "telling the truth", or not hiding things, it seems he just doesn't get it that it's no different than lying...

I too am tired of that. Funny that everyone I always dated told me they fell in love with me because of my honesty...because I never played head games with them...including my husband...yet they can't seem to do the same...Maybe I expect too much.

There can be some degree of the 'sociopath' in many NTs, it's worth familiarising yourself with the characteristics of one because if it's a sociopath you're dealing with, it's often a complete waste of time to expect them not to lie or play head games. It's all about head games for sociopaths.

Have any proof to that statement? It sounds very bizarre and unfounded.

Is your husband phone-shy, whatamess? Are the things that he keeps from you serious or small? This doesn't sound like "nt" mentality as much as passive aggressiveness or something else. Maybe the types of things you view as important aren't what he sees is important? Most men have a different communicative style than women. They say women are more likely to tell all detail, and men to give you only the main message, or what they perceive as important or relevant.

No it's not 'bizarre or unfounded' at all, stats are about 1 in 25 people are sociopaths according to my recent reading in 'The Sociopath Next Door' and other stuff.

https://notes.utk.edu/Bio/greenberg.nsf ... enDocument

My colleague asks me where we two are going for lunch, we decide to decide later. Then an hour later I overhear her go out for lunch with another colleague. I know better than showing it upset me: in these cases, the person accusing the misdeed is the one blamed by the NT world. The appropriate attitude for them is to pretend you're perfectly OK with it and continue the relationship as if nothing had happened, then take revenge in a way that seems unintentional, so they understand you're no doormat but at the same time can't accuse you because it might have been unintentional. Eg: next time I have a piece of news relevant to her, I "forget" to update her.

I've had that happen to me, Greentea. I used to belong to a support group, for several years. One day I heard two women from the group talking about going to a Medieval Fair. I asked if they would include me in their group, if they went. They assured me that they would, and then went without me. I was hurt about that for a long time.

i really hate it when peeps do that.