Feel like walking off a bridge today

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It's a good thing there aren't any bridges or tall buildings in Dipshitville, Indiana. So, now we have to have a social worker come in and deem our home livable for my kid (was okay for 15 years).

So, my husband, brilliant soul that he occasionally is, says, go get some frames and we'll put some photos of him in the hall (I've never been allowed to have my son's and I's pics in the hall before) and then we'll fix up his room since you have been wanting to do that forever anyway. So, yesterday I get my taxes back and I go and get some stuff to fix up his room, new bedclothes, paint, bookshelves, etc.

So, today, since it's my only day off, I say I'm running up to Fort Wayne to see if I can find a tall dresser. Then my husband goes off and this big rant about how I'm just throwing money at the wrong place of the problem and that nothing I'm doing is going to do any good anyway.

So I feel instantly this big black hole open up inside of me because it's been a big no-no to voice my worst fear that I'll never see my son again. And now the one pitiful source of support I have starts ranting about what an idiot I am and how nothing I am doing is going to make a difference anyway. And he's been a grouchy as*hole for two days because he's felt like s**t all week and can only take two days off at a time without a note from a coroner or a doctor.

So, now I just feel like walking off a bridge and what little I might have been able to accomplish today has just been thrown out the window as useless and I really just want to take all of this stuff the other way and leave because it's too much for either of us to bear. Me, because I'm constantly depressed and barely holding myself together all of the time anyway. And him because he doesn't have the slightest inkling how to be helpful and he's just an ass. So then it comes back to me because I can't deal with him being a total and complete ass and saying the things that I can't bear to hear out loud.

Then it comes back to me again because I'm wondering why all my friends that I really count on live half a world away and aren't here to just hold me tight and keep me from going insane. And then I remember that if my friends were right here on top of me, I would be somewhere else because I never would have put up with this BS this long except that I'm stuck!

I don't feel any better. Where's a damn bridge? I have a car.

Don't be an idiot, walking off a bridge (suicide context assumed) is not the answer.

Just remember that all the crap to go through is in order to see your son. If you think in terms of that... then all the crap you have to go through will seem insignificant... or at the very least, worth it.


Value can never come from the outside. You have to believe in yourself before anyone else can, otherwise it will only last as long as the outside reassurance does.

hey calm down... it's ok, things always work out if you give them time.

What is this???

Allowed! no... you're an adult. You're allowed to do things that don't harm others.
Are you caught in an abusive relationship? What's going on?



I'm not familiar with your circumstances but they seem somehow wrong. I can understand a concern over money if that's a problem for you but if your husband is such a smartypants, what does he think the problem is?

Please keep away from bridges. That's not a solution.

I need to understand your situation a lot better before I can suggest options for you, but I do know that dying is a cheat way out which lets the bad guys win and accomplishes very little. You need to do things for YOU since you're the one who is depressed.