The parents

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This week, it dawned on me that 27 months since I left Florida where my parents live, they haven't visited me one single time, and yet my sister has been visited by my parents on multiple occasions. The main reason they say they visit her is because she's got two kids of her own, but one would think that in over two years, it would occur to them that maybe they should come visit me as well once or twice.

The last conversation I had with my mom about this was on Thursday, and she said she had no money to do so, but not five minutes prior, she was telling me she was buying a plane ticket to visit my sister and nephews for one of their birthdays with presents in hand. It hurt unbelievably when I heard her say that, especially after the guilt trip she threw on me. I told her that my parents not visiting me once in a while made me feel as though just being her son was not enough of a reason to come visit me, and I wasn't expecting visits often, even once in a great while would've been appreciated.

And it's not like my parents are poor either. My dad's an engineer, and my mom's a doctor, and I always notice when they give stuff to my brother in law and sister, but seem to leave me out of the loop. In fact, in the last several years, they haven't even asked me if there was anything I wanted for either my birthday or for Christmas, but they were quick to ask others in the family, or my brother in law's family of they wanted anything. In fact, I only got something for Christmas this year because I had to take the initiative and e-mail my mom with the request for the one thing I wanted. Also, I've saved up some money for an HDTV for myself as an early birthday present, and I'll be getting it once my tax return comes this year. When I told this to my mom this week, her only question was "How much did it cost you?" I've been in enough conversations with her to recognize the tone in her voice of one as being rather disapproving and almost disappointed that I dared to buy something for myself, which almost made me feel as though I can't even get something for my own birthday, let alone have someone else get something for me on my birthday. And that was also compounded by the realization that in the last 5 years, there was only one instance of someone in the family even asking me "Would you like anything for your birthday?" or "Would you like anything for Christmas?" And for me, this year, I would've loved it if someone in my family would have asked me that, as opposed to "Hey Paul, what are you getting Tim for his birthday?" or "I hope you get something nice for your godson this year." I rarely have asked for anything terribly expensive, and this year, since I wanted to keep up with some of the Dungeons & Dragons stuff I began with in '06, I wanted to get some of the supplemental books, none of which are more than $20-$30, which would've been some very nice and very much appreciated gifts from

This also isn't the first time something like this has happened in the family either. I didn't know about it until after it happened, but my parents spent over $125,000 on my sister's Bachelor's Degree, not including the cars, the semester she spent overseas, and the list goes on. When my grandparents got wind of this, they were shocked, as to them, it seemed to them as though I was totally overlooked. They stepped in and basically forced my parents to at least somewhat even the scales, as my sister had only racked up that bill because she wanted to be with a boyfriend at the private college she went ended up going to, only to break up with him a few months later. They told my parents in no uncertain terms that I should get at least something for my high school graduation, and they sent me to Poland for five months to live with the grandparents, which was by far the best experience I've ever had in my life before or since.

Also, my dad, over Christmas break, was talking about helping my brother in law out with a new truck. That affected me as well, since even though I have no issue with my brother in law at all (he's an awesome person and has accepted me point blank, even considering me his 4th brother), my issue was that my dad knew all too well I was in the midst of paying $300 a month on a car loan I never even intended to get in the first place, because my previous car had broken down to the point where it wasn't even salvageable.

The list goes on, but right now, I'm just too damn tired and frustrated to write out any more at this point...

I'm really sorry. I can relate. Even when I lived right next door to my parents, my mother refused to visit. She did manage to supply many excuses. Same when I lived 15 minutes away, and even now that I live about an hour away. That having kids excuse goes the opposite way here. I get, "Well you've got the kids and I don't want to impose," so excuses change based on what fits best at the moment. My children are 4 and 2. Not ONCE has my mother come by just to visit. My dad has, I'll give him that, though it's fairly rare.

At some point I realized I was not the favorite. My sister is neurotypical and I guess they prefer that. She's 23 and lives with them. They treat her as if she's 16, taking care of every need. I left home at 16, never went back. I'll be 30 this year. I accepted a couple of years ago that the problem is my mother's and not mine. I felt I was somehow flawed beyond being loveable by my own mother. I believe, after much reading and from enough college psychology classes, that she may have schizoid personality disorder. In any event, I've let it go, but not before a lot of tears and hurt.

If you ever want to talk, PM me.