My mother doesn't want to hug me...*sigh*

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Last week my mother and her partner were talking about hugs and I said..."I haven't had a hug in a long time" and then my mother said..."Well maybe you can if you get a hug machine".

That has been replaying in my mind over and over again for the past week...I mean, my mother would rather have a machine hug me, than hug her own daughter herself. I haven't received ANY hugs at all for over two years from ANYONE!
It's not that I am desperate to be hugged...but it would be nice to know that if I ever wanted one, my own mother would be there to provide one for me. Is that too much to ask? I think not.

*sigh*

Have you actually asked anyone for a hug? My experience is that most folks don't know what I'm thinking or needing unless I tell them. If your mom is an Aspie, she may not have heard the hidden message in what you said. You stated you hadn't had a hug in two years, not that you wanted one from her. Not the same thing at all, to an Aspie, necessarily.

Do your sensory issue include touch? Your mother might think that you don't want to be hugged, and that's why she doesn't hug you or consider hugging you.

I know my mother likes hugs, but I don't. She'll hug everyone in the house except me, because she knows I don't like it.

Well I haven't asked anyone for a hug as I haven't wanted one. My point was that she offered to buy a machine that would cost thousands of dollars to hug me, rather than her offering to give me one for free. I did not want a hug at the time when I said that I hadn't been hugged in a while, I was merely stating a fact.
My mother is not an aspie, she is about as NT as you could possibly get.

I don't liked being rubbed up against, or poked, or tapped or anything like that. But I like firm hugs. My mother used to hug me...so she knows that I like hugs, it's not that I have never liked them.

Honestly Brittany, i'm shocked to hear your mother would not hug you and would actually respond to you like that.


Although it is not the same thing, please give that awesome dog of yours a long hug.


and.. E-Hug!

*HUG*

I don't remember my mother ever hugging me.
You are a girl, so you should be able to get hugs from others.

I'll give you a hug. It'll be very tight though, OK? Offer's on the table if you want it.

(((((Brittany2907))))) Sending a big hug your way (if you want one).

I'm sorry. My mother and your mother, it seems, would have a lot in common. Back when I used to think my relationship with her had any hope of repair, I once said during a phone conversation, "I just want you to be a mother, to act like a mother," to which she responded by telling me that her mothering was finished years ago when I grew up (I'm 29). Apparently being a mother ends when your child hits legal age? I can't imagine feeling that way about my own child. And my mother is not autistic, though I strongly suspect she is Schizoid Personality.

I'm a guy and I can't remember my mom hugging me much. Playing card games, yes. Not hugging. But there were times when _she_ needed a hug and I was the one she felt closest to for that and I got hugs, then. Today, she is in a wheel chair with MS and when I visit, she usually asks and I give her one.

It's never been something all that natural for me to do with strangers or family. I think part of that is about social expectations regarding men and also, perhaps, women worrying too about just what is "right and wrong" about such things with men. So I haven't had a lot of pressure from others to change my inclinations. But when I am with others in our community, parents of autistic children, autistics themselves depending on their sensory issues (and I can almost always, now, find the right approach to get past those so that they accept it well), and those caregivers in the area that I truly value, I've learned to initiate hugs and to help others feel comfortable with me doing so. We are all in this together.

Jon

I'll give you a hug. :O)

It still, to me, doesn't necessarily follow that she'd automatically "get" that you wanted ~her~ to hug you. Perhaps the fact that you haven't asked for one for two years has lead her to believe you don't like them or something. Maybe if you'd said "Gee, Mom, ~you~ haven't hugged me in two years" it might have had more impact. It would have if my daughter had said it. It would have told me that I'd been remiss in something that my daughter thought was important - although I'd have been seriously mystified that she'd not thought it important enough to mention for two years and then it's all of a sudden id had become so important.

Sorry, I can't aid and abet your being annoyed at your mom on this one. They're not mind-readers, not really. Communication has to work both ways.

ill hug you when i see you

Mum doesn't hug me, but she will if I hug her first.


Hug your mum first and see what happens.

awwww