Losing myself...

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I don't know if this really deserves to be in this section but anyway, here goes... Basically I just feel like I've completely lost touch with who I am lately. I just don't know who this collection of feelings and actions is any more. It doesn't feel like depression - I still have the motivation to get up in the morning and do my thing day to day, and I still have ambitions etc for the future; I don't have feelings of hopelessness or like things aren't worth doing. I just seem to be drifting through life though, like there's a distance between me and the rest of the world. I haven't experienced anything like this before and it seems to have come in since I found out I have AS. Has anyone eslse experienced anything like this? Is it just part of the process?

Its starting to worry me at a very fundamental level because although functionally I'm getting along fine I feel that deep down there's something essential missing. I'm also starting to lose a lot of my moral reservations, self control and any sort of concern for the impact of my actions and words on other people which saddens me. I feel like I'm just slowly fragmenting under the surface. I hope some people here can help...

probably you would want to see a therapist for this

theyll ask you lots of questions and try to help you get things into perspective and try to help you figure out what you want in life and help get you in the right direction for accomplishing it

its probably not a simple one answer deal.

When I was first diagnosed I lost myself for a while, it was like I was no longer the old me and had not found the new me yet...

It can be a big shock at first finding out your on the autism spectrum, but you will probably find with understanding and acceptance, you will grow and become the person you always should of been - I have and I am stronger and happy than ever.. but it does take time and still have my moments, I was diagnosed only last year....

This thread may help as I still do at times feel at odds in this world, and feel you kind of lose your sense of belonging for awhile: http://asplanet.info/forum/index.php?topic=454.0

Yeah I know what you are saying. Lately I have become very emotionless and don't have any highs or lows.
I also am distancing myself from friends and my rash of dating experiments that was going fairly steady has come to a complete stop since Christmas.

It was interesting what you said because since accepting who I am, I feel I also have become more motionless and no longer seem to have such highs or lows, and have found distancing myself from friends not that I have many anyway.

It was interesting what you said because since accepting who I am, I feel I also have become more motionless and no longer seem to have such highs or lows, and have found distancing myself from friends not that I have many anyway.

Maybe I am just more content with who I am and not so brothered about everyone else or fitting in any more.

I'm going through this very thing right now as I was recently diagnosed. For me at least, I think it's not only a total reevaluation of not only the self, but of one's past experience. Being diagnosed is a plot twist that not only changed the story going forward, but also changes the back story as well. The questions I find myself asking are: How much of my personality is the disease? If I were able to separate the disease from myself, who would I be? Does knowing give me a new tool to be different? Can I stop blaming myself for things that I've done knowing that they weren't my fault? Are the things I've done still my fault? Does this really change anything?
I also feel the absence of high and lows. I think that it could be something of an identity crisis given that you no longer are who you thought you were.

I would just like to say I feel its important that you do not view Autism as a "disease" its just a part of who we are, yes we need to know and understand to be who we are. We often spend a life time being told to do things the NT way, so who would not feel at odds in this world. Our Symptoms are a part of who we are and its vital we understand and except this to move on.

Society needs to understand that there is in fact a whole group of people who are just different, and stop prejudging holding at arms length what they do not understand.

You can not change who you are, but by understanding your differences we can start to be, instead of flighting against what we are not.

You can not change who you are, but by understanding your differences we can start to be, instead of flighting against what we are not.[/quote]

I agree with a lot of what you say, but this statement is incorrect in my experience. The brain is plastic and to a degree we can change who we are. I went from a basement dweller to a married man with a house, a wife, dogs, and a good paying job, all because I didn't give-up and the fact that I wanted more. Sure, I made a number of significant errors and it wasn't smooth, but I've actually managed to alter how I behave, react, and even feel about many aspects of my life. I'll never be completely norm, but I've managed to change how I FEEL AND INTERACT and I'm happier for it. My quality of life is about the same as an NT, and it wasn't for most of my life. People out there, your road is difficult, but don't let anyone tell you that you can't be nearly normal because you can! It just requires a lot of effort, mistakes, self-education, and intention to make it happen!! !

A lot of what you guys are saying makes sense, and its good to know I'm not the only one who's going/gone through this. There's definitely a huge amount of loss of identity involved, and I fully agree with you Complex about this thing changing your perspective on your history as well as your future. I just feel like I don't know where to start with picking up the pieces or unravelling the whole thing. I've noticed as well that I'm just getting very fragmented and starting to feel like I'm in freefall without any real structure. Does anyone else get this? ANy ideas on how to deal?