eh...thoughts..no action

Post Reply New Topic

Thoughts, wishes...no action.

I've met this guy, about 6 months ago and I really felt a "fireworks" connection. We have dated for 1 month, I was all over the place, experiencing "highs" at times..like all was well, "I could do this," "I could be a good gf just like everybody else and have this MEANINGFUL rel afterall." I really fell for the guy and he did the same.

Problems started when after a very affectionate night he suddenly started to tell me how MUCH he liked me, that I am so blablabla, he seemed to pour his heart out to me and to really NEED me now. He called me, left sweet messages...and I was initially very hyped with all this "just like everybody else's meaningful rel." He even kind of hinted of makin some changes in his life to accomodate me more. I was kind of HIGH on the whole situation, sooo normal, finally.

We were supposed to meet the following week..but I gradually couldn't hold it together anymore. I needed space and to be left alone, couldn't cope with having to take the calls, answer his messges..felt like my life, my schedule, my routine were invaded. I broke up with him suddenly and VERY painfully for him (he's the opposite in terms of expressing emotion). He tried to call me, contact me every way possible..I was SOOOO liking him but I just couldn't do anything about it.

After a few months of silence, we slowly started to talk on IM..now and then...last time was last week. He seems still intrigued by me. By everything that I have done. It took me all these 5 months to really do my homework on AS and understand things better. There's no way in h_l I can tell him. It's LATE. And one thing he told me when we were together (when we were talking and confiding...) was that he didn't want to be hurt again by a woman He's pretty sensitive, although a big, "tough" guy.

He's on IM everyday...I see him online and so wish to be with him again. He will be leaving the country for good in 2 months and a half. He's from Europe, here with a contract. If there was ever a connection, I think I had it with this man.

I have been STUCK like this for all this time. Nothing else I care about. I have tried making new friends...meeting new guys. I don't care. All I think about is him.

Not sure how to move on..or what do I do..

As you have found out, ASpies have this need for 'space', or 'alone time'. When you meet the next guy, simply explain up front that sometimes you just need to be alone. You can say you use that time to 'de-compress' from things. But its only fair to explain this early on. You don't have to bring up AS, and all that. Make it a good trait. Chances are that the bloke will actually find this intriguing. "What, you don't need to be with your friends EVERY moment?"

every relationship has boundaries and limits. If you find a way to describe these to him, maybe you can work. He's indicated that he can be accommodating. The trick is to make him realize he's not the cause of the 'aloneness'. Good luck.

Let him know its something you need, and that you're not playing with his feelings.

thank you guys, for the advice. Appreciate it.

I need to find the courage NOT to go back on my decision to break up with him. He's leaving in 2 months anyway, what would I set up myself for...another breakup?

I think what I am terrified of is not ever finding someone else like that again, who could make me FEEL something. I don't know...it's a lack of faith on my part. I am scared to being alone.

Enough with this though.