My life is a mess and I'm sick of it

Post Reply New Topic

I just put up a topic asking for school advice but I need to put up two topics at a time at this point becuase I'll probably get in trouble later for being on this website and I want to make sure I get the most out of being here while I can!

My stepdad is THE WORST! He believes that I use my diagnoses as an excuse to not do anything, and he says that I'm lazy. Recently, I told him that I didn't care as much about school as I probably should (which was the truth) and he said that if that was the case, I should just drop out and take the G.E.D. I heard him say this after I left the dinner table that night: "So that solves that problem. It was never about her difficulties. It was always her personal choice."

He believes that I choose to be lazy, that I choose to not do my schoolwork, that I choose to not turn it in. And he rarely accepts any so-called "excuses" such as forgetting my schoolwork. He says that I'm too slow and that I need to get things done more quickly. He also tells me ( and believes himself) that basically my difficulties are all in my head. He yells at me sometimes, and takes away everything I enjoy when I don't do my work. He has noticed that I obsses over things and he doesn't like it, thinking it's a bad thing (which has some bad reprecussions).

My mom does nothing. She just agrees with him and never steps in. When I talk to her, she says that my stepdad does care for me, and she also seems to understand me so much better than him.

It always seems that I'm the source of my family's problems. That if I just did well in school and got all my chores done, everything will be okay. My two godsent adult mentors at school, my learning strategies teacher and my counselor, say that my stepdad is trying to fix me and that I'm not the source of all my families problems respectively. Its so hard at home when my stepdad takes every single thing I enjoy and turns it into a "privilage" to be taken away when I don't do well in school (which in includes being online, hence why I'll probably get in trouble when they find out I was here). Did I forget to mention that my stepdad was the president of the Honor Society when he was in high school?

I'm so sick of it all. I am slowly being driven into depression. I try to be cheeful but it seems like my stepdad blocks every escape, believing it will distract me from my schoolwork and that I'll abuse it. I can't wait till I move out.

I'm so

Wow, this sounds familiar.

First off, you are not the source of your families problems, I used to think the same thing. I have since moved out and off, and have children of my own. THEY still have problems and I am STILL not their problems.

My step-dad took my door from my room to be labeled as a privilege, my parents took the liberty of going through all of my personal things, personal space and privacy was a privilege as well. I would sit at the table all evening trying to do homework that other kids could get done in minutes, I wasn't stupid, just seriously overwhelmed, and at times I would come to realize that I did 3 times the work other's did and didn't even get better (normally lower) grades because it was confusing or I didn't do the ASSIGNED task.

For the school issues, it might help you to ask the teachers to help you prioritize. Or even a guidance counselor. I even had to do this when I was working, I would have this huge list of to dos from 3 or 4 different people, so I would go to someone in upper-managment and say "hey, prioritze these for me." helps me a lot, and half the time it was NOT how I would have prioritized for myself.

How would anyone know you are on this website? Just delete the history of sites you visited.

You're in a tough spot. Just try to do your best! Try to keep focused on what you have to get done. School can be annoying, just try to get through it. When it's over, you will be glad you did. It's hard to do things we don't want or like to do. Just keep trying!

Alisa, you probably have social anxiety or depression or something, and probably at least partly due to your stepdad. That will only make you worse in school, probably. Is there any place you can live or hang out or lock yourself where nobody can pressure you to do anything?

I hope things improve with you soon!

Ana,

I have to humbly disagree with your advice, though I know you will probably get mad me. Her situtation may not be quite as bad as yours was when you were living at home. If she can bear living at home until she graduates, then it may be a good idea if she does, or maybe not. I'm not sure that if she decides to hide from any and all forms of pressure, that it would be the best path to personal growth. It all depends on her situation. We aspies often use our anxiety to multiply the pressure that others put on us.

I'm sorry to hear this.
That is one belief that I had for a long time [5 years] and I still somewhat believe it.

Anyway, your step-dad sounds like he has issues of his own. You are not the source of your family's problems. Your step-dad sounds like he is trying to "fix you"...but obviously, it isn't working and just making things worse for you.
He has to accept that you are who you are and can not change that. He has to accept that you have AS and that nothing can change that.
But you also have to accept that your step-dad is who he is...a little controlling. I'm not saying that it's ok, but what I am saying is that everyone has their differences...but he has NO right to be making you miserable.
Have you spoken to him about the way that he treats you and how it hurts you? I think it's a good idea.
I wish I had done that a long time ago instead of letting things get too overwhelming for myself, and other people in the house.

I hope your situation improves soon.