I'm giving up

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So I've gotten suckered into this second job, meaning I work from 8am-midnight. I hate it.

The reason I got it is because my brother is the general manager and he really wants me to work there.

I can't stand at ALL working from 8am-midnight. I have no time to even have breakfast or take a damned shower. It's ridiculous. I didn't show up this weekend at all, and he probably hates me now.

The thing is, I told him I would. I keep lieing to him saying oh no, I just am a little stressed, NO, I HATE this job, I do everything wrong (it's u-haul, by the way) I always hit trucks when I move them (no damage, but still) I spill cleaner, I make customers upset, I can't clean the trucks properly, the employees hate me, why do I keep telling him there's no problem? I'm too worried about disappointing him. It's too late for that, because I've disappointed the hell out of him by not showing up.

Someone my age in school should not be working a 56 hour week. It's highly stressful, ridiculous, and I really don't need the money, at all. My other job (the theater, which I like alot) pays for my car insurance and gas easily and I get 40 hours in a week.

All this has done is seriously amplify my suicidal feelings from before.

I mean, I have a bad future ahead of me. I've literally been spoiled throughout high school. I've had to do NO work, all because my teacher's think I'm some kind of mental failure in all aspects because they don't understand asperger's syndrome. Ever since I started this new school in grade 5 (i've gone there up to grade 12, aka this year)

5th grade we had a subsitute every day. THey never gave us assignments, and all I did was write in grade 5, I wrote 200 pages worth of nonsense, and students made fun of it so I discarded it and gave up writing. I was bumped up into 6th grade, but the teacher never assigned me work because she thought I was behind a bit. So next year, she hardly assigns us work, buys us lunch everyday (she had a rich husband, I guess) rarely assigned us work, and she even gave me 500$. 500 DOLLARS! FOR NO REASON!

Then I failed grades 7-8, but the teacher let me go into high school anyway. Like, I got a mark of 40% or so. But she bumped me up into high school. Why? I don't know. I think she thought I was seriously mentally ret*d or something. Again, ridiculous.

My high school teacher now, from grade 9 up to 12, who by the way is a really nice person, literally, we do NO work in there. The normal american government class has an assignment and essay every week or so. We wrote a 1-page essay on one presidential candidate the entire year. That was the only assignment. She never assigns us work, all we do is watch movies and play board games. She thinks we're all special.

I've basically been spoiled throughout high school and it's led me to believe I can never be a normal person. I'd never be able to do actual work, because I've never had to do it, so there's no chance of college for me.

I mean, when I get out of high school I want to get a warehouse job. That's enough to live on my own. Then when I have a 5-year clean driving record I can drive a bus. That's enough to live off of, I guess.

But I'm too worried I won't get hired because of my eyesight. Too worried I'll fail at the job. Too worried I'll hit someone driving (forklift or bus) and mess up. I'll just be stuck at the theater forever.

I'm just destined to fail.

I have my 100 mg of risperdal hiding in the garage, and my dad's taking off tonight. I really have a strong motive to just take it all. I probably will.

I don't care what happens anymore.

No, don't take it!

It will be hard, but you have to leave one of your jobs. There's no way you can keep up.

And remember, "even the darkest nights will end and the sun will rise."

Sorry to hear that. I remember how happy you sounded in your other thread about a new job.

No, for me school would come first. Not to mention the mental exhaustion you have to go through without your mind getting a break. I've had it myself along with sleep deprevation, everything starts to feel cloudy and unclear. I would also have people tell me that I sounded angry and mean. In my opinion, I think you should put yourself first. Yes it sounds vain but it really isn't. You have to take of yourself before you can take care of everything else.

You don't have to take it; don't fweel like you will jsut get in others' way or are using up their resources by existing. I sucked at all my jobs too; your p[roblem could also be ADD. Was it not being able to listen or concentrate, or just everyone being jerks because they found you different or wanted to pick on the new guy? You should tell your brother how you feel; don't try to spare him, he probably isn't depressed and doesn't need to be spared. Just do what you want to do; you only live once. Hey, what do you really want to do in life? Can't think of anything? Perhaps you need some antidepressants; would they help?

Write and mail or email a brief explanation of why you can`t work for him.Give him a weeks notice and stay away from drugs.

You just haven't found the job that's right for you yet. Everyone has something that they are good. Don't worry, you'll find yours.

Working 8am to Midnight is ridiculous. No one can work that long. They have no time for anything. They only get few hours of sleep and that isn't healthy. I don't know how far you live away from work. But I'd keep the theater job. I wouldn't work two jobs where I have to get up early for work and then come home late from work and I don't get much sleep and have time for other things.

Stay strong 886!

First of all, QUIT YOUR SECOND JOB. Tell your brother you seriously might kill yourself if you stay there, and he'll let you quit.
I think he would want his sibling more then a employee. (If not, HE'S A JERK and DOESN'T deserve you as an employee)

Please don't die! Like I said before, if ANYBODY is going to die, I'll do it. Not you, I won't let you die.

Maybe write him a letter giving a two week resignation. Work for two more weeks, and you might get a reference letter out of him for another job.

Maybe you should take course in Adult High School so you can get a feel of what a real workload is like. Then slowly work your way up to collage, so you can fullfill your dreams! (Everybody has one, whether it's obvious or not)

16 hour days, wow, that's longer than film people work! No wonder you're so depressed, you have no time for yourself and are probably sleep-deprived. Take time off and catch up on your sleep. I don't think you need that second job just because your brother owns it, there are so many possible jobs. Warehousing is a good option, you'll get a decent wage, especially if you have your forklift ticket. And there are many other trades you could learn, for which you don't need a high school diploma.
But take care of yourself first of all, because when you lose sleep, you lose your sense of perception too. Trust me, I've been there.

I'm with zee. You have the right to prefer something different to what your brother wants you to prefer. He wants to to want U-Haul (bleah) over the other job. Tough. It's not your job to shield your (older?) brother from disappointment. He's a big boy. He can deal with it. Take care of yourself or you can't take care of anyone else or anything. If he accuses you of being selfish, it means he doesn't care about you, just his own agenda at any cost - even your health. If he agrees, good for him.

A week's notice is plenty, as agmoie suggested. I hope he understands that you need the time to take care of yourself.

It's YOUR life...not your brother's.

Seriously, 16 hours a day...I would have had a nuclear melt-down days ago.

Quite the second job...get some rest. Trust me life will look better after you recharge for awhile.


You are not "destined to fail"...as long as you can get up in the morning, and keep your head above water you've succeeded at something. Don't try to live up to the expectations of others...you'll seldom succeed at it and it's very seldom worth it.

886, please respond! I'm starting to worry because you're not talking!
I don't want you to die!

You should quit your second job. I also think that you shouldn't take your own life. Stay strong!

Well, I did it. = =

I'm currently under the influence of 100mg of risperdal (50x the normal dose I take)

And no, this isn't about the second job thing. That's over and done with. It's the past. This is a whole different situation.

I feel my blood pressure rising. Or is it dropping? I can't tell. I feel really, really warm. My head is heavy.

It just isn't worth it to take 2 hours to get out of bed everyday.

I will never have the social skills to make friends, I'm just going to die lonely and sad and have around 10 cats, living paycheck to paycheck due to my inability to be successful and go to college.

I've just decided life isn't worth the struggle with this mental illness. Weather or not people think it's selfish or a stupid reason to end my life, I care not. It's too late already.

I'm gonna drive off to the mountains and die in peace. So I doubt anyone here is stupid enough, but if you call someone, I won't be home, nor have my cell phone on me.

Gee, whoever thought risperdal would taste this disgusting? =_=

<sigh>

Does this happen often?