My Alcoholic Aspy Father - What should i do?

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Im in a tough bind here.

My father who i believe (and so do i) also has Asperger's - Has a drinking problem. But he also has severe lower back pain and is dependent on powerful pain medication like Oxycodone. This combination has led to a lot of trouble at home. WHen he runs out of medication he gets VERY iratible and verbally abusive at my mother. He walks around in silence and snaps at anyone who tries to talk to him. He refuses to get counseling and will not go to AA (he says he does not believe in the "praying bulls**t").

Despite what she goes through, my mom wont leave him.

I am thinking of moving out - but i dont want to leave my mother behind.

This household gets very unstable. I even had to hide the key to his gun cabinet as a precaution.

I love my father. He's otherwise a wonderful person. He's been able to talk on behalf of me when i cant communicate on the phone. Without him I would be confused and unable to know where to turn to. I know that there are a lot of resources out there - I have a difficult time in communication to get access to them.

I need some advise!

When he is in a good mood tell him everything you have said here. Apart from hiding the key to the gun cabinet.

Also don't come down hard on him, try and be postive and supportive of him. If you make him feel bad about himself you will make him feel worse.

It's his problem, only he can sort it out himself.


It can't be easy, I wish you well.

If what you're describing is true, then there's no easy solution, you are going to HAVE to leave the house. What happens to you is more important then what happens to your mother, if you want, you can try crisis intervention or call the police. You're going to wind up in a worse situation than you are already if you don't get out of there.

When you get in a tight enough bind that you have to start using the phone, you will, and this seems like one of those situations.

suggest to him to get a diagnoses or in touch with an adult AS suport system. He probably has a lot of self blame for his AS symptoms and grew up with a lot of critism. I find the AA program really bad for AS people as its so annoying. A self help addiction book or self esteem book might be more helpful or on line CBT counciling. My dad died of alcholism 6 years ago and I think he would have benefited from knowing he had AS as I think its really hard for us AS people to feel part of this world and I think alcholism is often like a slow suicide. Stick with him and help him be a part of this world

My dad died alcoholic and homeless a few years back. I am pretty sure he had AS from the descriptions I got from his family (he left when I was 4).
I think this is a situation where all you can do is let him know how bad you think things are, point him in the direction of some help and let him know that no matter how much you love him (or whatever you feel or think of him) that you cannot condone the way he is living.
Then, after that, it's up to him and you should leave if you can.
Pain killers are really highly addictive and, when mixed with alcohol, then can turn the nicest people into extremely violent people. It's not worth risking your life.

Thanks for your advise all

- sadly,the situation has gone from bad to worse....

My dad overdosed on his pain medication and alcohol and has just left in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. I had to call 911 and my mother was panicking. I feel numb but im managing to keep my cool. I hope that maybe now he'll seek treatment. I was hoping on setting up an intervention with him by now everything is up in the air tonight and i dont know whats gonna happen.

i hope your dad is going to be ok. call your extended family for support. you and your mother shouldnt be alone at a time like this.
PM me if theres anything i can do to help.

Oh- good luck - I hope everything turns out ok. Let us know how your doing. (((hugs)))

He's Ok now. they kept him for a few hours for observation. He has no recollection of the night before. He doesnt rememeber the EMT, the fire truck or the cop that came to investigate. All he remembers is waking up in the hospital.

My mom hid the pills and gave him only the dose that was perscribed. He's says he wont drink anymore but ive heard that tune before I'm hoping maybe this time hell seek help.

thanks for your concern

It's time your Mom learned about codependency and you should too.